UPJOKE
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How does a bird break into a bird feeder?

With a crowbar

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Guy walks into a hotel

A few years back, a feeder tournament for the World Series of Poker has attracted a lot of people to the town where it is being held, and every hotel in town is sold out. A guy without a reservation walks in and asks for a room. The desk clerk tells him “Sorry, but there are no rooms available. Due ...

What do you call a fish that eats ass?

A bottom feeder.

After my existential crisis, I decided to take a job as a feeder at the local dolphinarium

Now I’m serving a youthful porpoise

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On the one hand, I should be more focused on my job as a shark feeder at SeaWorld.

On the other h... FUCK!

I put Red Bull in the hummingbird feeder.

I'm pretty sure I just saw one go back in time...

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A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo.

Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole.


Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks h...

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One's a cold-blooded slimy bottom-feeder...

... and the other one's a fish.

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What’s metal and has a dozen tits?

My bird feeder.

We were changing shifts at the fish sticks factory at the grinder station....

I was at the end of my shift, spattered with oily fish gore, and had my hand in the corkscrew feeder trying to pull a stick bit of bone out. My coworker, in his fresh beginning of shift uniform, reached in to help and his dry cotton sleeve caught and he was pulled in to a gruesome death. As I stood ...

What's the difference between an eel and a lawyer?

One's an ugly, slimy, scaly, cold blooded parasitic scum-sucking bottom-feeder,



and the other is a fish that's shaped like a snake.

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The Robin Barron lets the Cat ouf of the Bag

The Robin Barron raises a motion to prohibiting the riff raff hunting worms.

Now the cat is out of the bag.

Hunger drives the Pigeonlatariate to call for state regulation of the bird feeder.

The Black Birdgeosisie pontificate on the mobs of raucous Gold Pinchers fouling up the w...

What do dry gin and pollinating plants have in common?

They're both Bee-Feeders.

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What do you call an ass-eating sea creature

a bottom feeder


(creds to a friend)

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a cat fish?

One is a slimy bottom feeder and the other one is a fish.

What did the whale say to the barnacle?

I used to think you were just a bottom feeder but now you're starting to grow on me.

What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

One's a slimy, scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is delicious dipped in batter and deep-fried.

*-Hannibal Lecter*

F*ck I killed him

A cyclist is riding through the park and suddenly a bird flies directly in his face. They both fall down on the road. When the cyclist realizes what just happened, he notices the bird laying almost dead, but still breathing. He doesn't have the heart to leave that poor bird die there so he takes it ...

Bus 702

Bus 702 is a double-decked bus, one of those feeder services that simply goes out to far flung places to pick people up where there would not otherwise be traffic. Along its route, near where it loops around, are cemeteries of all faiths. Looking out of the window during the route does not exactly b...

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