Embassy Jokes

Decided not to accept their generous offer because of all the red flags

Ambassadors are nonplussed.

It was really shiny

Officer: Where to in the US?

Me: San Jose

Officer: It's pronounced as "San Hosey". J is pronounced as H in the US

Me: Oh okay

Officer: So how long do you plan to be in the US?

Me: 7 months, from Hanuary to Huly

"Their country flags are so similar and confusing," the American embassy worker thought to himself, "How can I tell the Indonesian flag and the Polish flag apart?"

"Is the white strip located above the red stripe?" The embassy worker asked the ambassadors.

"Tak" replied the ambassadors... read more

So I went to the embassy to get a visa.

The woman behind the counter asked if I'd been convicted of a crime.

I told her I didn't know that was still necessary.

They're debating the merits of their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'... read more

\- What is your form of government?

\-Kingdom.

\-Who's your king?

\- We don't have a king, but a regent.

\- Okay, then who's the regent?

\- Admiral Miklós Horthy.

\- Admiral? So do you have access to the ocean?

\- No.

\- Okay. Do you... read more

Potato non gratin

It's Chile outside.

They go to the Australian embassy in Lahore and start filling out the application.

Mohammed goes into an interview room with an embassy officer and they start discussing his work
Experience and whether he qualifies as skilled labor. ‘So what do you do, Mohammed?’ says the embassy worker. ... read more

“I regret to inform you that we’ve located your father’s remains. They were found buried in a sack somewhere in Iraq.”

“Oh no! Baghdad?”

“Try to remember how he lived, not how he died.”

A ransom note is sent to each respective countries' embassy, demanding the equivalent of $25 million,or they will kill the hostages.

After two weeks, they receive responses from each embassy.

The English, Irish, and American embassy all state that they do not negotiate with terrorist... read more

His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an explosion at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens."
Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"

The papers to be submitted at the Embassy in Istanbul

CPA: "Terrible news, sir. Three Brazilian men were killed outside of an embassy in Rio."

Trump: "That is terrible news. We must act immediately. But first, tell me again, how many is a Brazilian?"

But they'd still like to have a word with it at their embassy.

He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint British pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a few pints of stout.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences...no pubs, no stores, no restaurants,... read more

It was very short and Trump thought it was obviously some sort of a code that simply read: “370HSSV-0773H”

He smiled, winked at Xi Jinping and pretended he knew what it said.

Later he asked his aids who couldn’t figure it out. He called the head of the FBI and CIA and none could figur... read more

Just after WWII, Walt Disney was at a loss for new subjects for his movies and decided to take his family on a tour of the world to refresh his creative spirit. Walt, ever the optimist, was undaunted and vowed to seek out an idea for a new film, even if he had to stray from his normal family-friendl... read more

The archaeologists could not determine its origin. Then a Soviet adviser offered his help. The mummy was delivered to the Soviet embassy. In two hours the Soviet adviser appeared and said, "His name was Amenkhotep 23 rd."
"How did you find out?"
"He confessed," the advisor said.

Found himself needing to take a
leak something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't
find anyplace to relieve himself, so he just went down one of
the side streets to take care of business. Before he could even
get unzipped a Moscow police office asked, "Hey you -- what are ... read more

Tea-N-Tea

[Source](http://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/zu37q/us_embassy_calls_out_muslim_brotherhood_over/c67s7ke?context=2)

Back during the days of the former Soviet Union, a fellow by the name of Gerald Chattington had a friend in the Soviet Embassy by the name of Rudolph Nosov, who would drop by occasionally.

One evening, Gerald and his wife, Peg, were sitting in the kitchen chatting when Gerald looked out the ... read more