Chineese president Xi Jinping passed a private note to Donald Trump at their last meeting.

It was very short and Trump thought it was obviously some sort of a code that simply read: “370HSSV-0773H”

He smiled, winked at Xi Jinping and pretended he knew what it said.

Later he asked his aids who couldn’t figure it out. He called the head of the FBI and CIA and none could figur...

Yesterday I went to the Polish embassy.....

It was really shiny

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

UN embassy, Ambassador of Israel speaks:

- I want to start my speech with an excursion into history. Long ago, Moses led the Jews through the desert. It was hot, People were thirsty. Then Moses hit the staff on the ground, and a lake appeared.

 The jews drinked, and than Moses took off his clothes and went swimming. When he came out...

So, an Indian went to the US embassy

to get a visa for a visit to his friend placed there. When asked where he was going, he replied,"San Jose"...!

The immigration officer corrected that San Jose is pronounced ''San Hose'' ...J is pronounced as ''H''

'' So how long is your stay in San Jose?''

"7 months; from Hanu...

The Swiss embassy has had it’s flag stolen.

Ambassadors are nonplussed.

Donald Trump was sitting in his office, when suddenly, his Chief Political Advisor burst through the door.

CPA: "Terrible news, sir. Three Brazilian men were killed outside of an embassy in Rio."

Trump: "That is terrible news. We must act immediately. But first, tell me again, how many is a Brazilian?"

What do you call a potato that was kicked out of the embassy?

Potato non gratin

If you're leaving the U.S. Embassy in Santiago, make sure to put on a jacket...

It's Chile outside.

After years of searching for his missing journalist father, a man gets a call from the U.S. Embassy...

“I regret to inform you that we’ve located your father’s remains. They were found buried in a sack somewhere in Iraq.”

“Oh no! Baghdad?”

“Try to remember how he lived, not how he died.”

Why did the tree go to the Ecuadorian embassy?

He wanted to find a xylem.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Arab national is interviewed at the Embassy for a visa:

Consul: Your name please?







Arab: Abu Zina.







Consul: Sex?







Arab: Every day.







Consul: Er, I mean, male or female?







Arab: Don't matter, sometimes even Ca...

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits of their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'...

Michele Bachmann vowed to dismantle the US embassy in Iran, which hasn't existed since the 80s. She also promised to crack down on the USSR, support East Germany, and reestablish ties with the Holy Roman Empire.

[x-post from r/headlinejokes](http://www.reddit.com/r/headlinejokes/comments/mweiw/michele_bachmann_vowed_to_dismantle_the_us/)

A Saudi man wanted to divorce his wife... She had one condition

The papers to be submitted at the Embassy in Istanbul

A tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own.

He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint British pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a few pints of stout.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences...no pubs, no stores, no restaurants,...

Saudi Arabia heard that Trump was going to pardon a turkey

But they'd still like to have a word with it at their embassy.

A mummy was found in Egypt.

The archaeologists could not determine its origin. Then a Soviet adviser offered his help. The mummy was delivered to the Soviet embassy. In two hours the Soviet adviser appeared and said, "His name was Amenkhotep 23 rd."
"How did you find out?"
"He confessed," the advisor said.

Walt Disney

Just after WWII, Walt Disney was at a loss for new subjects for his movies and decided to take his family on a tour of the world to refresh his creative spirit. Walt, ever the optimist, was undaunted and vowed to seek out an idea for a new film, even if he had to stray from his normal family-friendl...

So George Bush is in his office...

His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an explosion at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens."
Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Saudi Arabian diplomat visits the United States.

A Saudi Arabian diplomat visits the United States.

He is greeted at his embassy by Obama.

The diplomat invites Obama into a secret room. Once inside, he says to Obama, "Let me show you a program we use on people in our country."

Obama agrees and the diplomat leaves the room. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a ton of people go in for a job interview and the final two prospects are...[racist?][dirty]

...a Harvard grad, and a Polak.

Leaning toward no particular preference, the hiring manager decides to put them to a test. "You both have 30 minutes to write a poem," he says. "But the catch, is that it has to end in Timbuktu. The best poem gets the job." Both men accept the instructions and ...

The freakin' weather

Back during the days of the former Soviet Union, a fellow by the name of Gerald Chattington had a friend in the Soviet Embassy by the name of Rudolph Nosov, who would drop by occasionally.

One evening, Gerald and his wife, Peg, were sitting in the kitchen chatting when Gerald looked out the ...

What is Muslims' favourite kind of tea? [from the /r/worldnews comments]

Tea-N-Tea

[Source](http://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/zu37q/us_embassy_calls_out_muslim_brotherhood_over/c67s7ke?context=2)

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