My girlfriend broke up with me over my Electric Light Orchestra obsession.
Evil woman.
If Historical figures only had a Jewish Mother...
MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER: "After all the money your father and I spent on braces, this you call a smile?"
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you didn't call, you didn't write."
MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER: "A ceiling you paint? No...
What did communists use to light their homes before candles?
Electric lights.
Things mothers said
THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now, turn it off and get to bed!"
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTH...
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