Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke

How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They're happy living in the dark

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?

edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.

what's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

you can unscrew a light bulb

How many r/jokes users does it take to change a light bulb?

1000, one changes the light bulb and the others will start upvoting it and copying it and having orgies

How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, hippies screw in sleeping bags and under tarps in the woods

I'm going to install a light bulb

Never done it before - hope I don't screw it up.

A control freak has 5 kids, how many of them does it take to change a light bulb?

There's no point in trying, none of them can change anything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

Q: How many group members does it take to change a light bulb ?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the...

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.

I stole this from one of [elee0228](/u/elee0228) comments.

Q: How many managers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. At least 4, plus a victim. One to hire the victim to screw it in for them, a second to supervise the victim, a third to start nit-picking about the way the bulb is being screwed, and a fourth to screw the victim by firing him. They take the credit though none of them actually touched the light bu...

Light bulb

Paddy and John are working on a building site. Paddy says to John, “I need a day off, I’m going to pretend I’ve gone mad!”

Paddy climbs up to the rafters, hangs upside down from them and shouts, “I’m a light bulb! I’m a light bulb!” While John looks on in amazement.
The foreman shouts, “Pa...

How many Lithuanians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, unless their arms got ripped off in some sort of horrifying accident, in which case it still only takes one, just a different one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They’ll never get it done because they always end up fucking the pool boy while their husbands are at work instead. Fuck you Linda

I've been seeing a light bulb sales girl lately...

Her name is Ellie Dee

She really lights up my life

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and then get mad when it won't screw.

How many trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, I've stopped counting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many Freudian psychanalysts do you need to change a light bulb? Two:

One to change the light bulb, and one to hold the penis.

THE LADDER! I meant the ladder.

How many IT support guys does it take to change the light bulb?

Zero. They just switch it off and on a few times and it works like new

How would you write “I changed a light bulb” on your resume?

Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Wanna go ride bikes?

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end.

EDIT: Thank you for the silver!

EDIT AGAIN: Thank you for the gold and platinum! I am honored!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

Did you hear about the sad light bulb who turned his life around?

He made a 180, and suddenly everything seemed a lot brighter.

How many U.S. Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

Forty-five. A couple dozen to turn it to the right, a score of them to turn it to the left, and one to really, really screw it at the end.

2.000 light bulbs stolen

Investigators still in the dark

How does Trump change a light bulb?

He holds the bulb in the socket and waits for the universe to revolve around him.

How many software developers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Zero, thats a hardware issue.

Question: “How many Apple employees does it take to change a light bulb?”

Answer: “Seven. One to change the bulb and six to design the T-shirt.”

I can’t believe it, someone stole all the light bulbs in my house?

I was de-lighted!

How many existancialists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.

One to change the light bulb and one who observes how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in another world of cosmic nothingness.

A scientist called the customer support of his microscope company, complaining that the light bulb was broke.

Customer support responded that they will look into it.

How many trumo supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They all. Sit in the dark saying it's working ti someone questions it. Then that person is fired because there is no broken light bulbs.

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It takes two.

One to explain how they understand the impact of the light bulb being out, and to tell you how they're putting all their efforts into changing this light bulb, and they're forming a study group to figure out the best way to go about it.

And the other one to screwed into a...

An original light bulb story

A student, let's call him Kevin, was having an oral exam in philosophy with his professor. Naturally, Kevin didn't study and couldn't answer any of the questions, even the easiest ones. The professor felt pity for him and gave him one last chance:

"Ok Kevin, if you can answer this question y...

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

How many battered wives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just keep putting the broken one back in because it promised things would be different this time.

Mom, how do you eat light bulbs?

\- What? light bulbs? No honey, light bulbs can't be eaten. Where did you hear that?

\- Last night I heard my dad tell you "*Turn off the lights 'cause you're gonna eat it all*".

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.