Lightbulb Jokes

They dont, they just keep talking about how great the old one was

Tell him Obama put it in

None. They no longer make that socket, you just buy a new house.

Two. One to do the task and other to explain how lightbulbs were actually invented in ancient India.

I don't know, like one, three, five? Whatever, I just can't even...

None. Trump says it’s changed and his supporters all cheer in the dark.

Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.

None.

They’ll all resist change even if it means making the world a brighter place.

One, She just stands there holding it while the world revolves around her.

At least 1 battalion to lose in the attempt. Please reply with your best punchline.

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

Depends on how clumsy you are.

*There, I've killed it. Move on /r/jokes, move on.*

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It's not my job to give you the answer. Do your own research.

Usually one. Lightbulbs are relatively easy to screw in, although depending on the position/location of said light it may require a stepladder or some sort of object to stand on to elevate yourself. Always be careful when installing electronics, make sure the light switch is OFF before going near it

Wanna go ride bikes?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ... read more

Ten.

One holds the bulb, the other nine wait for Fox News to spin it.

None, because they can't climb the ladder.

*Edit: Wasn't my joke, it was a friends but I can't credit him since I don't know his account name*

Honestly, it's a pretty obscure number. I doubt you've ever heard of it.

None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.

Six.

One supervises;
One arranges for the electricity to be shut off;
One checks safety and quality standards;
One monitors compliance with government regulations;
One fills out paperwork;
And one who screws the lightbulb into the water faucet.

Only one:


Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns, and zero safety incidents, increasing workplace safety and productivity.

The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

Edit: Wow front page. Didn't expect this big a response.

None. They like to keep their subscribers in the dark.

Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. ... read more

Find out next time, on Dragonball Z!

Just one, but they'll be more than 20 sessions to find that the lightbulb doesn't need to change.

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

One.
We are very effective and don´t have a great sense of humor.

Guten Tag!

Thank you for your query. Your number is #204588. We have allotted a timeslot for you at 2-3pm on Tuesday the 28th of November, during which time you will be required to fill out and submit forms 32.B and 44.A from our catalogue. Once these forms have been processed by our team we will begin an inve... read more

Eight, if you want to screw it completely.

Then I realized my whole life was a joke.

I have no idea because every time I ask they all argue about unnecessary change

Nobody knows for sure. As soon as the light turns on, they all scatter.

At least a thousand. Many hands make light work.

We wouldn’t know, the women always get to keep the house.

8-12 of them on 3 separate occasions.

Who knows? They’re all too busy playing with the switch.

There is a large number of lightbulbs jokes that go, "How many X does it take to screw in a lightbulb?", with X ranging from blondes to bolsheviks. But why is it that the answer never equals one? Grandma knew why: Many hands make light work.

One bird goes to the other “How many birds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”
The other bird replies, “Well I’m pretty sure Toucan”.

I don’t know I can’t convince any to get inside.

Just two; the mother, the father, the brother, the sister, the uncle, the aunt …..

Two.

One to remove it.

Another to accuse the first guy of being a bourgeois saboteur spy.

Well, all the ones we’ve hired so far have failed, but eventually it’ll work, I swear!

All of them. Even though It's already changed hundreds of times before.

Just one, but they will charge you $200 for the labor and "find" something wrong with your ceiling fan.

None, they all sit in the dark and cry.



It's cake day : )

Edit: thanks for my first silver kind stranger!
A Gold also! Thank you very much!

Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, who will be henceforth be addressed as 'the lawyers' and the party of the second part, henceforth addressed as 'th... read more

5, one to fill the paperwork, one to go on strike, and two to complain how it should’ve been changed last week