This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An auld fella from the west coast of Scotland is staying at a bed and breakfast in Cornwall.

On the first morning of his stay, the proprietor serves him a full English breakfast (sausages, bacon, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, fried slice and two pieces of bread and butter).

Later, as he’s about to go out, the proprietor asks him was the breakfast all to his liking.
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Instead of singing Auld Lang Syne this New Year's

We should all sing "I Can See Clearly Now."

Because everyone will have 2020 vision.

If you're afraid of new years parties, it's just some auld lang syne ity

Auld lang syne is old English pronounced "old ang sy" commonly.

A man and his wife goes to the hospital...

And the wife says to the doctor "every time my husband opens his mouth he starts singing Auld Langs Syne".

So the doctor examines the husband and says "We'll have to send him to the Burns Unit"

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land,

and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish."

The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the ...

A man walks into a bar......

An Irishman man walks into a bar in New York City. He orders three whiskeys. The bartender pours him one and says, "Lemme know when you want the next one." But the man says, "I think you've misunderstood me. I'd like all three at once." The bartender pours two more drinks. The man drinks down the th...

A doctor from the U.S. is visiting a hospital in Scotland

A prominent physician is visiting a hospital in Scotland. He's being shown around by the medical director. They take him to the OR, very modern. Then they go to the ICU, where he talks to the nurses. They go to another ward, where there's a long line of beds, each with a patient in it. He asks ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and opens his suitcase revealing a million dollars in cash.

"I'll give this million dollars to the first person who can sing "Auld Lang Syne" and give me head at the same time."

Immediately people started a stampede, men, women and children all alike, towards the mans crotch. They whipped his dick out and started battling over who gets to do the "perf...

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