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Echoes Jokes

A priest goes in a safari...

A priest goes on a safari in Africa. He gets separated from the group and has the bad luck of finding himself alone, facing a hungry lion.
Priest: "Dear Lord, I haven't asked for much in life, but if it is of Thy all-knowing will, please concede me the grace that this lion be imbued with Christi...

I'm in a band called "Echoes"

You've probably heard us before.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In honor of tonight’s Lotto, one of my favorite jokes to tell.

A deeply religious man, whom I will call Dave, finds himself in dire financial trouble. He prays earnestly to his God to help him out of his predicament. "God, I'm about to lose my car. Please help me. Let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes, but sadly, Dave is not the winner.

Things go ...

There are two types of redditors

1. Those who embrace content which echoes their own opinions.




^(just in case it’s missed, the joke is that the joke is an echo chamber. I’ll see myself out.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NFSW A young man had made up his mind to become a lumberjack. So he takes all his tree falling equipment to a lumberjack camp in Quebec.

On his first day he does very well. Keeping up with the other lumberjacks all day.

When the evening meal came, he joined the circle sitting around the campfire, eating the standard
woodsmen's fare; beans & black coffee.

Around the middle of their meal one of the largest lumberj...

Zebra dies and goes to heaven.

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets him and informs him that all newcomers to heaven are allowed a single question to ask of The Almighty.

Pete gestures to a magnificent pedestal nearby and says to Zebra, "just step up there and ask away."

Zebra walks over to the pede...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to his girlfriends house for dinner..

The father invites him in. He sits down at the table, and starts eating. The family dog is sitting quietly under the table..

While eating, he feels the urge to pass gas.
Thinking he can do it silently, he decides to do it at the table.
"BRAAAAAPP" The sound of it echoes in the dining r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is praying to God

He laments "Lord! My dog died, my wife left me and my kids don't even want to speak to me, what gives? What did I do to deserve this?"

Suddenly a booming voice echoes from the Heavens. "I dunno George, something about you just pisses me off."

World War II, occupied Poland - three partisans who survived a firefight run into a village, fleeing a Wehrmacht squad. Exhausted, they stop by a well...

"They've surrounded the village" one of them says. "There's no way out, sarge!"


"Let's hide in the well" the sergeant responds. "We can hold on to the bucket and brace ourselves against the top walls. Just remember, if anyone comes near, we have to act like the echo, or they'll get suspic...

A man walks into a bar

and sitting at one of the stools is, quite possibly, the oldest man he's ever seen. Drawn to the old timer, he asks, "Who are you?"

The old man replies in a soft voice that somehow echoes throughout the bar, "I am God."

He scoffs, "No way."

"Yahweh."

An Eskimo cuts a whole in the ice

An eskimo cuts a hole in the ice and starts fishing
A big booming voice echoes "THERE ARE NO FISH HERE"
The Eskimo looks up and says "is that you God?"
The voice replies"NO IM THE OWNER OF THIS ICE RINK"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men consult a Ouija board to speak with a demon

The first man asks "What is your name?"

The planchette doesn't move.

Thinking the demon must not like the first man, the second man also asks "What is your name?"

The planchette refuses to move. However, a faint growling echoes from behind them.

After an uncomfortable fe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Scottish man goes to his first baseball game...

The Scotsman sits down to enjoy the game and the first pitch is hit and the crowd jumps to their feet and cheers!

The man next to the Scotsman yells "RUN YOU BASTARD RUN!"

so the Scotsman echoes "RUN YOU BASTARD RUN!"

The next batter again makes contact with the pitch.

T...

Thor

Thor goes out for a ride on his mighty war horse.
He rides all morning and afternoon until as the sun sets he is sat on the top of the highest mountain overlooking his entire domain.
He stands up on the horse and shouts "I AM THOR" and as his voice echoes through the valleys his horse replies:...

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It's an implant...

A business man walks into a bar to order a drink.

After placing his order with the bartender, there comes a cell phone jingle. You know, like the one for an incoming call.

Rather than reaching into his pocket for his phone, he cups his hand against the side of his face instead. To the ...

Two men go for a run with their dogs.

They jog around the park for nearly an hour before one of the guys asks his friend if he wants to get a drink. The other guy says yes, so they jog to a small pub not far from the park. Unfortunately, there is a “no dogs” sign posted on the door.

“Don’t worry,” one of the guys says, “follow m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys are out on the range (long).

It's been a long day and all are hungry. The first cowboy rummages in his saddlebags and pulls out a strip of meat to munch on.

"Got any more of that?" asks the second

"Nope. But I can show you where to get some: the bacon-tree."

"The whut?"

"The bacon-tree. It's two hour...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lenny is a righteous man who devotes his life to charity work ...

Every week, he prays to god that he should win the lottery. "god, I don't desire much and I do your work on this earth, but I've never enjoyed the material things--a large house, fast car, steak dinners, that deep down I want to enjoy.

Finally one week Lenny breaks down and says during his w...

A explorer decides to make a safari.

During it, he is attacked by a tribe of savage cannibals. Clinging to his life he flees from them for hours until he reaches a precipice. Completely surrounded and with no other way to flee unless plummeting to his certain death the explorer falls down to his knees and starts to do the only thing he...

A Father meets his old friend, the Major after many years.

The Major wants to show off his shooting skills to his friend. He fires at the target, and misses by a distance.

"Damn! How the hell did I miss?", exclaims the Major.

"Mind your language, Bruce. You know that God is always watching", says the Father.

The Major ignores him and fi...

A man looks across the restaurant and sees a beautiful woman...

He keeps stealing glances at her throughout his meal. Just as he is about to finish eating, the woman lets out a giant sneeze...and a huge POP sound echoes throughout the dining room. Seeing a blur, the man instinctively reaches out his hand and grabs something.

It's the woman's glass eye....

A burglar breaks into a house...

He starts searching the house for valuables and comes across some jewelery, which he begins to stuff into his bag. Just then a menacing voice echoes through the house moaning "Jesus is watching you". The burglar looks around, sees no one and decides his imagination is just playing tricks on him. As ...

Quasimodo wants to go on vacation...

so he posts an ad in the local paper. A couple of days later he's contacted by a young man, and asks him to come up to Notre Dame so that he can learn the ropes.
"Ringing ze bells of Notre Dame truly is an art, and there is only one way to get ze perfect sound you know. Here, I will show you"...

An old priest goes golfing

An old priest goes golfing one sunny afternoon with a young priest fresh out of seminar. The old priest carefully places his ball on the tee, concentrates, and strikes beautifully. However, the wind blows the ball off course and it falls into the rough.

"That goddamn wind!" says the old pries...

Blonde Construction Worker

Every day, three construction workers, one Mexican, one Italian, and one blonde, climb up to the highest steel girder in the building that they are all working on and eat their lunch.

One day, the Mexican worker opens up his lunchbox and sees that yet again his wife has packed him bean burrit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend had a few tips for alcohol consumers

From my friend

To all self respecting alcohol consumers...Self Care tips....

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward...

2. Symptom : Th...

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