UPJOKE
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A man is driving down a country road going 45mph, and all the sudden he notices a chicken running next to him.

He couldn't believe his eyes, how could a chicken run so fast?

So he speeds up to 60mph to outrun the chicken, and after a few seconds the chicken has caught up to him! He simply can't believe it, he shakes his head and looks back and suddenly the chicken is gone. But no! He looks ahead an...

I bought a pair of drums without any drumsticks, so I decided to bolt them together.

I figured if you can't beat them, join them.

I was air drumming some Metallica at a stop light.

I lost a drumstick out the window and quickly changed to Def Leppard.

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What’s the difference between a chicken drumstick and a penis?

If you answered “I don’t know”? Then would you like to go for a picnic?

chicken with 3 legs

So this guy in a sports car is driving down an old country road. He looks over and there is a Rooster running right along side him. In his disbelief he looks at the speedometer...15mph.

So he speeds up to 25 and the Rooster speeds up. Next he realizes that the Rooster is speeding up and he al...

A man is driving down a country road

He glances out the window and sees a chicken running along side the car. He does a double take, and notices that not only is the chicken running right along his car, the chicken also has three legs!


Shocked, he looks at his speedometer and sees he's going 35 miles an hour.


He ...

Four musicians and a drummer walk into a bar. (Drummer jokes!)

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
*The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know where to come in.*

How do you get the drummer away from your door?
*Pay for the pizza.*

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
*Gifted.*

Why did the bassist keep drumstick...

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Three-legged chicken

One day, a man was driving on a highway in the Midwest. As he is driving along, minding his own business, a sudden dust cloud appears on his left. He looks to his left and to his shock, sees a chicken with what appeared to be three legs along side the car. Looking down, at the speedometer, he exclai...

Three dinosaurs stumble upon a lamp in the desert.

One of them rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. "In exchange for freeing me, I shall grant each of you one wish," said the genie.

Excited and clamoring amongst each other, the dinosaurs began to dream of meat.

The first one piped up, "I wish it would rain pepperoni and drumsticks!" The...

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a turkey?

Drumsticks for everyone

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3 legged chickens.

A man was driving down a country lane one day when he looked into a farmer's field and noticed that all of the chickens in the field had 3 legs. He became curious as to why all of the chickens had 3 legs, so he pulled into the farmer's driveway, walked up the house, and knocked on the door. When th...

My little niece told me this joke: Why do chickens have legs?

So people can eat drumsticks

I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums.

He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.

What's the difference between a turkey and Def Leppard?

A turkey has two drumsticks

A man was driving his car when he saw a three-legged chicken dart across the road at an incredible speed...

Intrigued, he slammed his brakes and watched the chicken run to a farm so fast he couldn't believe it.

The man quickly turned into the farm's driveway and drove to the farmhouse. Upon reaching it the farmer emerged and asked, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Did you see a three-legged ...

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you c...

3 Legged Chicken

One day I was driving down the road and I saw a three-legged chicken. This chicken was staying beside me the whole time and so I start to go about 70 mph.

Well after a while of racing this chicken I pulled up to the farm it stopped at and talked to the farmer. I said, "Why do you hav...

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A man wants to impress a girl, so he asks his friend to help him make a legendary meal.

His friend agrees, and they get the candle-lit table all set up. The man brings his girl in, pulls out her chair, then takes his seat. The friend then sweeps out, and presents... a bowl full of chicken drumsticks and a couple of glasses of milk.

The man is shocked, and makes a quick excuse be...

Why did they let the chicken join the band?

Because he brought his own drumsticks

Winner! Winner! Chicken dinner!

A guy is driving down a country road when suddenly a chicken darts into the road ahead of him. He swerves to miss it but is pretty sure he hit it. When he looks in the rearview mirror, though, he doesn't see the chicken. When he looks back forward, he sees that the chicken is running ahead of the ca...

A man walks into a bar and notices a live band is playing...

A man walks into a bar and notices a live band is playing. After watching them for a bit he leans over to the bartender and says, "Hey, these guys are pretty good, but I can't help noticing the drummer keeps swinging at air with his drumsticks. Why is he doing that?"

The bartender responds "Y...

Sometimes I think about how hard I want to bang

other days, I'm mostly depressed because I am a drumstick.

A middle-aged man has a mid-life crisis, and, predictably, buys a Ferrari.

A middle-aged man has a mid-life crisis, and, predictably, buys a Ferrari. He goes for a drive, and decides he wants to see how fast he can get his new super car.

He drives out to the country, where he opens up the throttle. 100km/h. 150km/h. 200km/h! He is absolutely flying.

All of ...

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Three legged chicken

A real estate agent from the city is driving down a county road looking for the place he is to meet a new client. He looks out the window and sees a three legged chicken running beside him in the ditch.
He is amazed that as he looked at the speedometer in his car and he's doing 40 mph, all the w...

So there was an angry band director...

His band wasn’t super good, but they managed. One day, they were rehearsing, when a flute player messes up a part. They keep messing it up, and he gets so frustrated he stabs the flautist to death with his baton.
He goes to prison, and gets sentenced to death by electric chair. Before he goes in...

Three men are shipwrecked...

... they drift towards an island unconsciously. They awake to be taken captive by a local cannibalistic tribe. The tribe chief tells the first man that the tribe will eat his meat, and he is to chose his own death. The man thinks about it and decides decapitation. So he is decapitated.

The ch...

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It was Christmas time in the concentration camp..

And the Nazis figured that they would have a bit of fun with the “inmates”.

So they roasted up a huge duck, filled with veggies, plums, sauce and glazed with butter.


They walk in to the yard and place the duck, as the Jews gathered around to see what was going on.

They tol...

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Guy driving down a highway sees a chicken with three legs overtaking him. He floors it

and the chicken stays ahead of him. He’s never seen anything like it, so he follows the chicken but it speeds up, 60, 80, 100 mph! He can barely keep it in sight, but sees it get off the highway and then, at the last second, sees it dash into a farmyard. He skids to a stop and sees the chicken run u...

A man was driving around the countryside in his new sports car, moving at speeds that bordered on unsafe.

A man was driving around the countryside in his new sports car moving at speeds that bordered on unsafe. When checking his rear-view mirror he noticed that a small object followed by a trail of dust was closing fast. His curiosity piqued he slowed a bit to get a better look. As the object came into ...

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

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