Lifer Jokes - 8 Hilarious Lifer Jokes

If a pro lifer asks "What if Mary aborted Jesus"?

Replying "it would have sped things along" isn't the answer they were looking for.

upvote

downvote

report

How do pro-lifers clean up after jacking off?

By using baby wipes.

upvote

downvote

report

Guy gets sent to prison. 1st night, someone yells 39, whole prison laughs. Next night, someone yells 2, prison again erupts in laughter. Guy asks lifer what gives. Lifer explains there’s a joke book, been passed around for years. Dudes memorize # & corresponding joke. Guy gets book & memorizes a few

That night he yells, 24!!! Nothing...

Next night, 9!! Crickets

He asks the lifer the next day what’s happening...

Lifer says: some people just can’t tell jokes

upvote

downvote

report

A bunch of inmates in prison are lifers, and have been serving together for many years already. They’ve already told each other all the jokes they can remember so often, that they devised a numbering system. Instead of retelling the joke, after a while an inmate would say the joke number instead.

One morning, an inmate was sitting around with a group of guys and just says “26” and everyone starts laughing. A second inmate says “71” and everyone laughs even harder. A third inmate says “37” and no one reacts. He repeats “37” and still no one laughs. Quite frustrated, he says, “I don’t understa...

upvote

downvote

report

Isn't it just a little ironic to see a group of pro-lifers

throwing eggs at an abortion clinic?

upvote

downvote

report

What do Vegans and Pro-Lifers have in common? [NSFW]

They both hate scrambled eggs

upvote

downvote

report

Prison Joker

Young guy gets sentenced to 15 years in prison and is assigned to a cell with a lifer. The old man explains the rules, including the no-talking policy in the cafeteria.
At dinner that night, one of the inmates stands up and yells out, "28!" All the other inmates laugh loudly and then resume eatin...

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Geeky guy gets sent to jail...

Geeky little guy gets sent to jail and is banged up with a tough twenty stone lifer.

"Anyone who shares my cell has to play mummies and daddies, who d'ya wanna be?" asked the big man, "Mummy or daddy?"

Terrified the little man splutters out "Er, daddy, I will be daddy"

To which ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.