I want to thank my dog for taking a shit on the floor in the dark, causing me to slip in it this morning
Anything that distracts me from the elections is a welcome change of pace.
Side note:this is also a true story. How long are you legally allowed to shower?
A guy stuck in the Coronavirus pandemic prays to God for help (not a repost)
He is on his knees begging God for protection from the pandemic. Suddenly, he is distracted by his television. It is the W.H.O. telling people to socially distance and wear a mask in public. He switches it off, because it is distracting him and resumes praying.
The next day, still scared he p...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A gamer walks into a bar...
...and asks the barkeep "you got a console to play on?" And the barkeep says "yeah, but only have one game for it." The gamer shrugs, orders a cider and sits down to play.
While he's playing another guy walks in and says "hey, that guy with the cider is playing my game!" And the barkeep asks...
Little Johnny's mother receives a note from his teacher
"johhny is a very clever boy, but he spends too much time thinking about girls and it distracts him from matters that are really important"
The mother replies: "please inform me right away if you ever find a solution. His dad is having the same problem"