UPJOKE

### What do you get when you integrate 1/cabin?

You would expect to get log cabin, but it's actually houseboat. You're forgetting to add the C.

### A guy gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: “I’ll integrate you! I’ll differentiate you!”

Everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one person stays.

The guy comes up to him and says: “Aren’t you scared, I’ll integrate you, I’ll differentiate you!” And the other guy says: “No, I am not scared, I am e^x .”

### Can someone integrate this equation?

This joke comes from my father, who taught at a mostly black high school

During a calculus lecture:

"Can someone come to the board and integrate this?" he says, pointing to an equation

He looks around, wondering why no one has answered

Once again, he asks "Can someone com...

### [Math] Hey girl, want to come over and integrate?

Unfortunately, After every time we ∫e^x I am left with an e^x

### When I integrate I don't add the constant

I guess I have my limits

### WebMD has integrated Google's Deepmind.

On startup it performed a self diagnostic test.

Turns out, it's cancer.

### As an immigrant, I hear a lot of people telling me to integrate ...

But none are telling me what the limits the integrations are, or the what the parameters are, hell I don't even know which function to integrate.

### When God integrated Planet Earth, he thankfully recalled his Calculus lesson.

He remembered to add the sea.

### Prisons nationwide have integrated the Hokey-Pokey into their physical education program.

They think it will help the inmates turn their lives around.

### Germany and the Czech Republic have left the EU to form their own fully integrated economy.

Their currency is called the ✓

### What do engineers and klansman have in common?

They don’t like to integrate.

### I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imag...

### All the mathematical functions went to a party...

There they saw the exponential function sitting by himself

They poked him, "c'mon man, join the party"

To which he replied, "it's not my fault, eveytime I try to integrate, I just end up with myself"

### All the mathematical functions are having a party

The polynomials are dancing, the square root function is drinking, yet the exponential function remains to the side.

so the inverse function asks what's wrong.

To which the exponential function responds: whether I integrate or not, nothing will change, now leave.

(courtesy ...

### Why is the south bad at calculus?

They don't know how to integrate.

### Two guys immigrate to Alabama

Two guys immigrate to Alabama and decide to have a small bet regarding which one of them can integrate better. They decide to meet in one year to decide the results.

After one year they meet up and the first guy goes: ''Every sunday I go to church and then Walmart. I only eat chicken, shrimps...

### Religions are like e^x.

No matter how you try to differentiate them or integrate them. They remain the same.

### An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are asked to measure the volume of a pig.

The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."

The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a v...

### e^x, x and x^2 went to a party.

x and x^2 noticed e^x has been standing in the same corner since they arrived.

x asked "Why don't you go mix in with the crowd?"

e^x replied "Well, no matter how much I integrate it's still the same!"

### There is a big function party

Everyone is there, x^2, sinx, cosx.
e^x is sitting in the corner crying. they ask "him why are you crying? Why don't you integrate yourself?"

e^x looks up and says, "It wont make a difference."

### Some people are sceptical of migrants because they think they don't embrace their new country's culture

But I teach calculus to international students at my local university, and they all integrate really well.

You integrate it

### Why will the south never know the area of a chess board.

It is black and white so they won't integrate

### A mathematician opens a burger restaurant in a city already filled with burger restaurants...

“How do you plan to differentiate from other burger restaurants?”

The owner replies and says:

### White folk hate math.

Especially when they heard in Calculus they'd have to integrate.

### Sine, cosine and ln(x) are at a party

Sine approaches cosine and says, "Hey, what's ln(x) doing over in the corner by himself?". Cosine responds, "You see, ln(x) doesn't integrate very well".

### At a Mathematical Functions party...

... 2^x and 3^x notice that their friend e^x is standing alone in a corner looking kinda sad. They decide to approach him and try to convince him to have a little fun with the other Functions, but he refuses.

"Come on man try to have some fun, integrate!"

To which ...

They've got me integrate trouble.

### Calculus Joke

A mathematician goes a little wacky in the brain, so they put him in a Psychiatric Ward. While there, he realizes he can have a little bit of fun with the other patients. He walks up to one patient and says "Hey, get out of my face before I differentiate you!" Terrified, the mental patient runs away...

### A math teacher ought to be president...

To make America integrate again.

### Did you hear about the mathematician who got out of jail?

He's trying to integrate back into society, but you can still kinda differentiate him from others.

### Two functions walk into a function bar...

...and it's a big party. All of the functions are there, having a great time. Except e^x is off in the corner, all by himself, looking rather glum. So x^2, being the nice guy walks up to e^x and he says "Hey e^x, why don't you integrate yourself into the party?". And e^x hangs his head and says with...

### Never drink and derive

You'll integrate something you don't need.

### ln(x) is hosting a calculus party....

and all the functions are invited. Some of them are radical, at least 1/3 of them are rational, and like all parties, there are a few odd ones talking to their imaginary friends. Amidst all of this revelry, ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A black guy, Jew and a homosexual walks into the bar

What a fine example of an integrated community

### A crazy man walks on to a bus and starts repeating,

(Warning: this is a math-y joke)
"There will be the coming of days. You believers will be integrated, you non-believers will be differentiated." He starts pointing at each passenger saying, "I integrate you! I differentiate you!" Everyone was scared but one man just sat there coolly with a grin...

### You know what would really lift my spirits these days?

If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.

### A horse in a barn was listening to some rock and roll on the radio...

And he was inspired. The guitarist was masterful, and the horse knew, then and there, that he needed to play guitar. More than anything he'd ever needed before.

So he calls up his buddy, who is a guitar teacher, and asks his buddy to help him learn guitar. The horse takes to it quickly and p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A Russian moves to America

(Mild swearing at the end)

A young man from the depths of Siberia, Dmitri, moves to America hoping to start a new life. He buys a nice apartment, lives comfortably and integrates himself into the community, as a fine, upstanding citizen of New York.

6 or 7 months later, his old friends...