UPJOKE

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You would expect to get log cabin, but it's actually houseboat. You're forgetting to add the C.

They seem too derivative.

Unfortunately, After every time we ∫e^x I am left with an e^x

But none are telling me what the limits the integrations are, or the what the parameters are, hell I don't even know which function to integrate.

I guess I have my limits

This joke comes from my father, who taught at a mostly black high school

During a calculus lecture:

"Can someone come to the board and integrate this?" he says, pointing to an equation

He looks around, wondering why no one has answered

Once again, he asks "Can someone com...

During a calculus lecture:

"Can someone come to the board and integrate this?" he says, pointing to an equation

He looks around, wondering why no one has answered

Once again, he asks "Can someone com...

And he was inspired. The guitarist was masterful, and the horse knew, then and there, that he needed to play guitar. More than anything he'd ever needed before.

So he calls up his buddy, who is a guitar teacher, and asks his buddy to help him learn guitar. The horse takes to it quickly and p...

So he calls up his buddy, who is a guitar teacher, and asks his buddy to help him learn guitar. The horse takes to it quickly and p...

On startup it performed a self diagnostic test.

Turns out, it's cancer.

Turns out, it's cancer.

Their currency is called the ✓

They think it will help the inmates turn their lives around.

He remembered to add the sea.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

(Mild swearing at the end)

A young man from the depths of Siberia, Dmitri, moves to America hoping to start a new life. He buys a nice apartment, lives comfortably and integrates himself into the community, as a fine, upstanding citizen of New York.

6 or 7 months later, his old friends...

A young man from the depths of Siberia, Dmitri, moves to America hoping to start a new life. He buys a nice apartment, lives comfortably and integrates himself into the community, as a fine, upstanding citizen of New York.

6 or 7 months later, his old friends...

The polynomials are dancing, the square root function is drinking, yet the exponential function remains to the side.

so the inverse function asks what's wrong.

To which the exponential function responds: whether I integrate or not, nothing will change, now leave.

(courtesy ...

so the inverse function asks what's wrong.

To which the exponential function responds: whether I integrate or not, nothing will change, now leave.

(courtesy ...

They don’t like to integrate.

Two guys immigrate to Alabama and decide to have a small bet regarding which one of them can integrate better. They decide to meet in one year to decide the results.

After one year they meet up and the first guy goes: ''Every sunday I go to church and then Walmart. I only eat chicken, shrimps...

After one year they meet up and the first guy goes: ''Every sunday I go to church and then Walmart. I only eat chicken, shrimps...

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imag...

The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."

The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a v...

The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a v...

x and x^2 noticed e^x has been standing in the same corner since they arrived.

x asked "Why don't you go mix in with the crowd?"

e^x replied "Well, no matter how much I integrate it's still the same!"

x asked "Why don't you go mix in with the crowd?"

e^x replied "Well, no matter how much I integrate it's still the same!"

There they saw the exponential function sitting by himself

They poked him, "c'mon man, join the party"

To which he replied, "it's not my fault, eveytime I try to integrate, I just end up with myself"

They poked him, "c'mon man, join the party"

To which he replied, "it's not my fault, eveytime I try to integrate, I just end up with myself"

No matter how you try to differentiate them or integrate them. They remain the same.

They don't know how to integrate.

Everyone is there, x^2, sinx, cosx.

e^x is sitting in the corner crying. they ask "him why are you crying? Why don't you integrate yourself?"

e^x looks up and says, "It wont make a difference."

e^x is sitting in the corner crying. they ask "him why are you crying? Why don't you integrate yourself?"

e^x looks up and says, "It wont make a difference."

A programmer walks into a coffee shop on his lunch break with his pet, a black Labrador. He comes in with a scowl on his face and a furrowed brow, his expression showing a frustrated yet pensieve look about him. He asks for a plain, black coffee.

The barista compassionately eyed the man fo...

The barista compassionately eyed the man fo...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

"*if i was in a room, with a pistol with 2 bullets, and in this room there were, Hitler, Stalin and a SIS Integrated GPU, i woud shoot the SIS card 2 times*"

But I teach calculus to international students at my local university, and they all integrate really well.

"I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!"

So everybody gets scared and runs away.

Only one person stays.

The guy comes up to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!"

And the other guy says: "No, I am not scared, I am e^x."

So everybody gets scared and runs away.

Only one person stays.

The guy comes up to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!"

And the other guy says: "No, I am not scared, I am e^x."

You integrate it

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

What a fine example of an integrated community

... 2^x and 3^x notice that their friend e^x is standing alone in a corner looking kinda sad. They decide to approach him and try to convince him to have a little fun with the other Functions, but he refuses.

So 2^x asks him:

"Come on man try to have some fun, integrate!"

To which ...

So 2^x asks him:

"Come on man try to have some fun, integrate!"

To which ...

Sine approaches cosine and says, "Hey, what's ln(x) doing over in the corner by himself?". Cosine responds, "You see, ln(x) doesn't integrate very well".

It is black and white so they won't integrate

and all the functions are invited. Some of them are radical, at least 1/3 of them are rational, and like all parties, there are a few odd ones talking to their imaginary friends. Amidst all of this revelry, ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.

...

...

Especially when they heard in Calculus they'd have to integrate.

...and it's a big party. All of the functions are there, having a great time. Except e^x is off in the corner, all by himself, looking rather glum. So x^2, being the nice guy walks up to e^x and he says "Hey e^x, why don't you integrate yourself into the party?". And e^x hangs his head and says with...

A customer asks the owner:

“How do you plan to differentiate from other burger restaurants?”

The owner replies and says:

“I integrate instead.”

“How do you plan to differentiate from other burger restaurants?”

The owner replies and says:

“I integrate instead.”

He's trying to integrate back into society, but you can still kinda differentiate him from others.

(Warning: this is a math-y joke)

"There will be the coming of days. You believers will be integrated, you non-believers will be differentiated." He starts pointing at each passenger saying, "I integrate you! I differentiate you!" Everyone was scared but one man just sat there coolly with a grin...

"There will be the coming of days. You believers will be integrated, you non-believers will be differentiated." He starts pointing at each passenger saying, "I integrate you! I differentiate you!" Everyone was scared but one man just sat there coolly with a grin...

A mathematician goes a little wacky in the brain, so they put him in a Psychiatric Ward. While there, he realizes he can have a little bit of fun with the other patients. He walks up to one patient and says "Hey, get out of my face before I differentiate you!" Terrified, the mental patient runs away...

Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.

Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processe...

Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processe...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A US Navy cruiser was anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening in port, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy, influential plantation owner (who also happened to be a very generous political donor). It read:

"Dear Ca...

The first evening in port, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy, influential plantation owner (who also happened to be a very generous political donor). It read:

"Dear Ca...

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