Dehydrated Jokes - 37 Hilarious Dehydrated Jokes

If your urine looks like beer, you are likely dehydrated.

But if it looks like bud light, you're good.

The dehydrated pirate had no pee

So he was irate

What do you call a dehydrated french man?

Pier (pronounced pee-air)

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If your urine is clear, you're hydrated. If it's yellow, you're dehydrated.

If it's white, you're shaking your dick too much.

The other day my friend and I saw a dehydrated alligator as we were walking through the zoo,

I said to my friend, “What should we do?”

To which he responded, “Call the vet so she can get it some *Gator-Aid*!”

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Two students are waiting to give their oral tests...

The first student's turn comes, and he goes inside

Examiner- Suppose you are traveling by train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?

Student- I will open the window.

Examiner- Great, now suppose that the area of the window is 10 sq. ft, the volume of the car is 1000 cubi...

Two men are lost in the desert

Two men are lost in the desert. They are both severely dehydrated and extremely hungry. While stumbling over a particularly large sand dune, one man spots a tin of fig-flavored altoids.
Desperate for any sustenance, he stumbles ahead and grabs the tin, but realizes it was only a mirage.

He...

Three men are walking in the desert.

Three men are walking in the desert, all dehydrated.

They approach a slide with an empty paddling pool beneath it with a wizard standing nearby.

Wizard: This slide is magical. When you slide down it, you can say a drink of your choosing and the paddling pool will fill up with that drin...

A monkey is sitting on a tree, smoking weed...

The lizard walks by, gazes at him in amazement, then asks:

“Hey monkey, what are you doing up there?”

“I’m smoking bud. Come up here bro, sharing is caring.”

So the lizard climbs up the tree and the two smoke a few joints. The lizard isn’t really used to the effects, so he gets ...

A man was stranded in a desert

With only his camel and a few supplies. After a few days he started feeling the itch to get it on but the only thing in sight was the camel so he thought why the hell not. However, every time he got the camel to lay down, by the time he got around to the back, the camel would move. He tried and trie...

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Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, yo...

He walks through the midday heat, an occasional shot clips through the trees overhead.

He and many men like him question their logic to sign up. They could be home, spending time with their families but instead they are outside, dehydrated, fighting a battle they probably won't win. Their frustration mounts as they realize it's nothing at all like all the games they played as kids. ...

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert.

Their car broke down so they all agree to grab something from the car to help them survive. The Brunette shuffles around and grabs food. The Redhead rummages through the trunk and pulls out water. They are talking saying that it’s to prevent them from starving or becoming dehydrated while they wait ...

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One day, a red fruit loop looked at himself in the mirror and said, "I need to become an orange fruit loop."

It was a daunting task. But after working out for two hours a day, with five-gram weights, and getting a degree in economics, *wa-zaam!* he was an orange fruit loop. But he was still hungry.

Again Looking at himself in the mirror, he said, "I need to become a yellow fruit loop." It was a d...

In Star Wars Legends, Rey discovers an unusual force ability...

...this allows her to turn as dark as the night like a shadow and even become the shadows of others, useful for creeping up on enemies. The First Order Stormtroopers spoke about this amazing power having heard about it from a commanding officer Rey fought with the force. "Sir was spun around and kno...

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You go hiking with your best friend Terry. Both of you get lost, and Terry is mauled to death by a bear.

You bury Terry in a shallow grave and try to find your way back to civilization. However you end up walking in circles and days later, you find yourself at the exact same spot.

By this time, you've exhausted your supply of water and are severely dehydrated. Then you realize that Terry was ...

A chemist went to see a doctor

"Doctor, I don't feel thirst and keep finding myself always dehydrated". "Drink 8 glasses of fluid a day as a guideline" adviced the doctor.

"Can I count in fruit juice?" asked the man. "Since they do contain a bit of sugar, don't forget to supplement the fluid intake with H20 too" replied th...

Two Mexicans were walking in the desert...

Two Mexicans, Juan and José were walking in the desert on a very hot day. It was a long journey and they were both dehydrated.

Suddenly José became quite animated and shouted: 'Juan, Juan look! On the hill over there, it is a bacon tree!'

Sceptically Juan had a look, and said: 'José, y...

Adam and Terry woke up on the Oregon Trail with supplies for a month.

On the last week of the month, Adam fell ill. Terry on the other hand, was fine.

On the last day, Adam started to uncontrollably pester Terry because he thought Terry had poisoned him.

Terry was patient at first, but soon his patience wore thin. It didnt help that they had run out of...

Trump dies and goes to hell.

When he arrives, he is greeted by the devil.

The devil says that there are 3 other people here that have done less bad than Trump, so Trump gets to decide which one goes to heaven so he can take their place.

The devil opens 3 doors, the first door has Richard Nixon in it. Nixon is swim...

Jake is driving in the desert...

And he's driving wildly. He's doing tons of doughnuts to pass the time. Suddenly, his car stops. Jake checks and realizes that he's out of gas. And nowhere near civilization. And without water.

Realizing he needs liquids for the trek ahead of him, so he searches his car for something. The onl...

The Indian chief goes to the white man doctor and asks "Too many papoose! What do?"

The doc gives him a condom, and explains the principles.

A couple of months later, the chief comes back, saying "No good! Right nut go urggh! Left nut go urrgh! Rubber go boom!"

So the doc cuts a few custom "rubbers" out of the fingers of a heavy duty latex glove, saying "Try these...

A Cowboy is riding his horse on his first trip to cowtown when he reaches a fork in the road...

At the fork, there is a sign which reads "Reddit go right, cowtown go left." The cowboy, confused and having never heard of Reddit, decides to give in to his curiosity and go right.

After riding for a mile or so on the path, he reaches another fork. This sign reads "Reddit go right, cowtown ...

I have a coworker whose humour gets drier

...as he gets more dehydrated.

(True story)

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So Satan asks God to let him back into Heaven...

God says "Satan, you've betrayed me before, but I am a just and forgiving god. You may get back into Heaven, if you can beat my only son in a programming contest."

Satan and Jesus meet to agree to the terms. The contest is a simple one. God will set a timer for six hours, and both Jesus and S...

A brunette, a redhead, and a Blonde get ran off the road...

Out on the middle of nowhere. The car takes a few tumbles, but they all come away ok. They all start gathering supplies they could find from the wreck.The brunette finds some water bottles, "We won't get dehydrated!". The redhead finds sunblock, "And we won't get sunburnt!". The blonde picks up the ...

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Man goes to a doctor cuz he’s felt ill for days. The doctor gives him a bunch of pills.

The doctor says: “Take the green pill with one glass of water in the morning. An hour later, take the white pill with another glass of water. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water before lunch, afte...

A man is preparing for prom, but he needs a lot of things done

First he goes to the flower shop, but it is packed and he waits and gets his flowers. He proceeds to rent a limo, but the limo rental is packed, eventually he gets his limo. Now he has to get a tuxedo, at the tuxedo rental he has to wait a while and he finally gets his tuxedo. Now that he is at prom...

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Two men and a camel in the desert

Two men were stranded in the desert. They had a camel with them to carry all their supplies, but by now they had been walking for days and were out of food and water.

They were so dehydrated that their tongues were swelling in their mouths and they could barely walk.

Lo and behold the...

A band's drummer decides to quit

So the band has to audition for new drummers. They interview a bunch of people, and they decide to play a gig with the best one that night to see if he'll work out.

It goes great, except after every song, the new drummer says something like "You gotta brush your teeth or else you'll get g...

I was excited to judge my first cooking competition

The local university was holding an iron chef style cooking competition where three students prepared a meal centering around a theme ingredient. The theme of the competition was turkey dinner, and before I knew it the kitchen was abuzz with the sounds and the smells of cooking.

After an hour...

Three men are stranded in the desert and find a genie lamp

My dad has told me this joke when I was younger and I thought that I’d just post it here

They are all starving and dehydrated in the hot desert. Pablo the Mexican walks up to the genie lamp and rubs it...

Genie: Pablo the Mexican, I will grant you one wish and one wish only! Choose yo...

A guy goes to his doctor...

A guy goes to his doctor. After the doc examines the patient, he takes out 3 bottles from his desk, hands them to the patient and says
"Right, you take one green pill first thing in the morning with lots of water. You take one of the yellow pills after lunch with lots of water. Lastly, you take o...

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A Rabbi goes on a cruise.

Midway through the trip, a severe storm sinks the ship and the Rabbi finds himself the lone survivor on his life boat. Starving and dehydrated, his life boat beaches on an unexplored island populated by natives.

They take him in, and nurse him back to health. Over the course of months he is...

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Stranded on a deserted island

A Catholic priest is stranded on a deserted island. A man happens to row by the island, and invites the priest to hop in. "Alas, for I cannot accept your charity. My God is kind, and He shall provide."

A few days later, another rowboat happens by, this time piloted by a very attractive woman....

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Hot buttered corn

Three guys have been walking thru the desert for 2 days. They are dehydrated, they are hungry, and they are tired.
One man believes he sees a house in the distance. They all accuse him of seeing a mirage until they all get a little closer and realize there is a house all alone in the middle of t...

A man was offroading in the desert.

He was driving over the dunes and past the shrubs and bushes that dotted the landscape, when a sandstorm started blowing over. He figured he'd be fine, but the sand made his engine lock up.

After it had passed, he went out in search for help. The storm disoriented him and blew away his car tr...

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