Customs Officer Jokes

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”

“Of course you may. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid that they’ll confiscate i... read more

The customs officer asks: "Name?"
The Russian replies: "Vladimir Krylov"
The customs officer continues: "Occupation?"
The Russian replies: "Not yet, just visiting."

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: "Excuse me Father, could I ask a favour?"

"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"

"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remov... read more

Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk.

Customs officer: Occupation?

Putin: No, just visiting.

Customs officer: "Do you have something to declare?"

Man: "No."

Customs officer: "And what do you have in the sack?"

Man: "Sand."

During the check it turns out: actually sand.

Every day for a whole week the man comes with the bike and the sack on the luggage rack. ... read more

...what do you need?

It must have been importANT.

At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.

"What do you have in this sack?"

"Sand."

"Well let me check."

The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's ... read more

Naturally, he got suspicious and asked him to open the sacks, but when he did he found nothing but sand.

Each time he'd stop the bicycle and open the sacks, and he'd find only sand. He had the sand analyzed at the lab and looked at the sack under a microscope he could never find anything wron... read more

They feel I'm borderline incompetent.

...but I see where they come from.

The tourist replies, “I didn’t know that was still required!”

An elderly American gentleman of 97 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically. He admitted he had been to France previously. "Then ... read more

The Irishman, wanting to smuggle whiskey through customs, poured several bottles into a large jar.

\- What's in the jar?

\- Holy water.

The customs officer opened the jar and tasted the liquid.

\- What water?! It is whiskey!

\- Dear God, another miracle

The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

"Quattro is just ze name of zefokken automobile" the German says unb... read more

I'm told he was borderline crazy

At a border between 2 countries, the Customs Officer stops a man. He's riding a bike and holding a huge sack.
The officer asks "What's in the sack?"
The man replies "Just some mud."
The officer checks. Sure enough- mud.
He's very suspicious, but has no choice, and lets him go.
Next d... read more

Going through the Australian border control, the customs officer interviewed me and all went well until he asked whether I had any criminal record. He was not impressed with my answer: “I didn’t know it was still necessary.”

Such as customs officer’s

As he came through Customs, he had two sacks over his shoulders. The Customs officer asked him what he had in the sacks. Paddy replied Mobile phones.

The customs officer didn't believe him and asked to be shown. Paddy opened each sack and sure enough each contained quite a few phones. "What a... read more

And the customs officer in the entry interview, asks him "occupation?"

"Vell, only if you insist " he replied.

He lives on the Canadian side, but works in construction on the US side. Every morning, he walks over to the American side, and every evening, he comes back over to the Canadian side with a wheelbarrow full of sand. And, every day without fail, the Canadian Customs officers check him for any contrab... read more

A German guy is at the French border.

The French customs officer asks him some questions.

-Name?

*-Karl Schmidt.*

-Place of Residence?

*-Munich.*

-Occupation?

*-Oh, no, no. I'm just visiting.*




(Translated from an /r/French comment: ... read more

When he arrives at the terminal, the customs officer gives him one piece of strange advice before he enters the country.

“Whatever you do, don’t step on a duck”

Jack thought this advice was strange, but as he walked out the airport he saw thousands of ducks flood his view, so much so t... read more

but I worried the US customs officer would see it as a red flag.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ... read more

So there's a British man with a fascination with horses. He's so fascinated, in fact, that he's spent most of his life collecting them. On his massive ranch in his massive stables he has a collection of hundreds of horses, most of them rare. However, he ESPECIALLY has a thing for tiny horses (who wo... read more