Cryptic Jokes

When she gets there, she is perplexed and confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Fina... read more

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night... when behind him he hears:

Bump.... BUMP... BUMP....

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.... read more

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

He took out a business card, wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card ... read more

I turned to my wife last night and said ......."I'm into anal".

She gave me a look of despair, glared at me and then said "Animal".

I just love it when we do the cryptic crossword together!

He managed to get access to a cellphone and kept sending me cryptic messages about where he hid the money. Eventually, I found it. When my wife asked me how I found it, I explained:

“I followed the con-text clues.”

Because it’s very cryptic

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet... read more

The message simply said: 5310H55V 0113H

Curious, he tried to decipher it but gave up after a few hours, and asked the rest of his police department if they could help.

After a few days of code cracking, the police department gave up, and sent the cryptic message to the FBI. The bright... read more

There was once a town named “Aspay.” This was a small town with a few local businesses, but the pride of the town was its train station. Now, I know a train station seems like a strange thing to take pride in, but this train station was special. For one, it was kept absolutely spotless. It always wa... read more

Like those really cryptic ones you get in the weekend papers, with clues like 'fish worn on head, (5, 7,)', and stuff like that. I get really intense about them, though, and can't stand starting a new one until I've finished the last one. I refuse to use dictionaries and things on principle, and I'l... read more

You turn on the radio one morning to find another one of those Rap songs where every 4th word is a swear. Naturally the Radio bleeps it out, but you realize that it sounds familiar. You realize that the rappers are speaking in Morse code.

Your eyes widen as you swerve over onto the shoulder ... read more