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Considerably Jokes

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Linda.

Her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, this distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So on...

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that...

A man noticed his credit card was stolen

But he never reported it because the theif was spending considerably less than his wife.

The pen is mightier than the sword...

And considerably easier to write with.

Why Engineers go to Heaven

An engineer died and was mistakenly sent to hell.  Fairly quickly, he had redesigned the place. Hell cooled down considerably thanks to the air conditioning he built and installed. The escalators and elevators worked just fine. Manual labor was quickly becoming a thing of the past.

God looked...

[NSFW] Stan had a short father and a tall mother.

As child, he was always worried that he'd be short. So when he hit his growth spurt and became quite tall, he was very happy. Every time he would see a family member they would say *"Look how tall you are, you must get it from your mom!"*

With his considerably large stature came his considera...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim

There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim from the mainland to Vancouver Island, doing only the breaststroke.

After about 14 hours the brunette staggered up on shore and was declared the winner.

About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up to the finish line ...

I tried to be politically correct for the holidays this year

but "Caucasian Christmas" proved considerably harder to sing than I expected...

A husband and wife are getting dressed to go out to dinner

As the woman is making herself up in the mirror she grimaces at her reflection and turns to her husband.

"Why have the years been so cruel to me? With each passing day I get even more old and ugly. The lines on my face run as deep as river beds. My lips are as shriveled as raisins. My onc...

A guy walks into a bar...

...and orders 5 shots. He drinks them and orders 4 shots. He drinks them too and orders 3 shots. He drinks those and now being considerably drunk orders 2 shots. After drinking those, he mumbles: "Well I'll be damned, the less I drink the more I'm wasted...".

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[Long] So a guy goes to Spain to watch a bullfight.

After the bullfight he goes to a restaurant across the street and notice one guy eating a plate with two large balls of meat on it.

"What's that?" He asks the waiter.

"Those are the testicles of the bull that died in the arena today. Eating them is said to give you the virility and vit...

The pirate joke (This isn't my joke)

A pirate Captain is surveying his crew on Deck as they set out to see on a long voyage. He notices a new lad mopping the deck and decides to greet him.
"I welcome you to our long endeavor on the high sea" said the captain
"Thank you cap'n sir" said the crew lad, but then followed. "Uh sir... I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Retiring from the British Army can be complicated. (Long)

Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, (based upon...

God wants to go on vacation...

He's sitting in his throne room, boredly surveying the Earth, wondering where in his name he could go to. So he calls in St. Peter to give gimme some suggestions.

St. Peter gives it some thought and says, "Well, how about the rest of heaven? You haven't gotten a good look of it since you made...

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