A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Harley & The dishes (NSFW)

A guy named Joe heads into his local Harley Davidson dealership with a fistfull of dollars and starts looking for his dream motorbike. The dealer looks at Joe's choice and states that while Joe's choice in motorcycle was respectable, the older style Harleys not only held their value better, but in m...

Tipsy Passenger

John had a few drinks and was traveling on a train. The ticket checker stopped and asked John to show his ticket. John was searching his pockets and wallet.
The ticket checker said "it's alright, you seem to be a respectable gentleman. No need to show your ticket."
John insisted "I need the t...

My wife and I wanted to follow tradition and give our children respectable names from the Bible...

Our boys Cain, Lucifer, and Judas are truly a blessing.

Seamus and Murphy wanted to go out drinking like respectable Irishman, but they didn't have alot of money...

Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said to Seamus ‘Hang on my friend, I have an idea.’

He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.

Seamus said ‘Are you crazy Murph? Now we don’t have any money left at all!’...

Wish me luck in the London Marathon today. I managed a respectable, 3 hours, 12 minutes, last year...

This year, I will try to beat that but, I usually get bored and end up turning over to watch something else...

Guy walks into a bar with an octopus

The bartender, upon seeing the octopus, says "hey hey hey I run a respectable establishment here, no cephalopods allowed!"

The owner of the octopus says "no, wait, this is the most amazing octopus in the world, it can play any musical instrument known to man."

As fate would have it, th...

A Respectable Lady

Jenny was explaining to her husband how much fun they'd had at the beach during her bridge club annual outing.

"But," she told him, "it didn't end all that great for me."

"Why, what happened?" he asked.

"I went out to take a swim in the rough water but I didn't go out far becaus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my mates hosted a circle jerk the other night and put £5 in the pot. We all put £5 into a jar and whoever ejaculated last got all the money in the jar. I came in a respectable second.

Which meant I finished in last place.

The lone brunette in a family of blondes, Tamara, returns home from her first semester at university.

Her family was super excited to see her, especially her younger sister, Lisa. Tamara was the first person in the family to go to university and she had a million questions for her.

When they finally got some time alone, Lisa began peppering Tamara with questions.

“What was your favor...

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