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Conjoined Jokes

Why did the conjoined twins move to England?

So the other one could drive.

I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.

Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".

Mum hated that it was illegal to hit me as a child, so she gave birth to conjoined twins…

I guess if you can’t beat ‘em…

My father was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

I have an uncle, once removed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I pissed off two men today because I referred to them as hipsters..

Apparently the correct term is 'conjoined twins'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pair of conjoined twins went to see the psychiatrist. Twin A confessed to wanting to have sex with twin B. The shrink responded...

Hey, you do you.

I met conjoined twins and I'm not sure which one I like more.

They're neck and neck.

Hipsters

I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is "conjoined twins".

When I first realised I was a conjoined twin.....

I was beside myself!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My conjoined twin told me a great joke earlier.

It was so funny, I almost pissed himself.

My mom had two conjoined sisters and both of their names were Andra. When they were murdered, I gave up joking.

And mourned my double entendres.

I recently broke it off with a pair of conjoined twins.

I said, "It's not you, it's you."

What did the conjoined twins change their dating profile to after surgery?

Recently Separated

Why did the conjoined twins travel from America to England?

So the other one could finally drive.

——————-

(Source: heard it in _Man on the Moon_ movie)

What do you call two bicycles that are stuck together?

Conjoined Schwinns

Two conjoined twins, attached by the face, have successfully been separated today.

Since the operation they've done nothing but argue.

Having once been so close, they no longer see eye to eye.

My SO just left me for a guy with a conjoined twin.

She says he's twice the man I am.

Why do the conjoined twins travel to London?

...so the other twin gets the chance to drive a car =(

What's the hardest part about dating a conjoined twin?

Every morning she screams at me for being in bed with her sister.

TIL It is common for staff and surgeons to laugh hysterically during separation surgery to conjoined twins.

Well it is side-splitting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of the conjoined Hensel twins is engaged. Not the other. Men are asking all kinds of questions. How will that work kind of things. Women already know the answer. [OC]

It will be fine. They have practiced sharing one asshole their whole lives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss said I do the work of two people.

My conjoined twin is a lazy bastard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just figured out why I'm a virgin.

It's because my conjoined twin is really ugly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes into a bar

where he meets a pair of conjoined twins who are joined at the side. They hit it off and proceed to booze the night away. Closing time comes around and they decide to tak the party back to his house. He gets in the door and the twins immediately drop and one starts blowing him while the other tounge...

PSA: the term “Hipsters” is politically incorrect and is considered an offensive slur in many circles

Please use the medically-recommended term “conjoined twins” instead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend broke up with me because I fucked her twin sister.

It’s not my fault. They’re conjoined at the hip.

A three legged man walks into a bar.

Bartender looks at him and asked, conjoined twin?

No thanks, I'll just have a whiskey.

There’s this condition where twins are connected at the elbow and always laugh together, never separately.

It’s called conjoined Humor

My ex hated when I started dating her twin sister.

Like it's my fault they're conjoined.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hips don't lie.

Some woman went completely batshit on me in town today. All I said was that her kid was a 'right little hipster'. Apparently, the correct term is 'Conjoined twins'.

Sometimes self-care means cutting out toxic people.

If you ever met my conjoined twin, Your Honor, I think you'd understand.

A guy is talking to two women in a bar...

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be
conjoined twins and they wind up back at his apartment.

He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he asks her what she'd like to do.

She sa...

Toll Joke my buddy made up.

A young new toll operator is having his first day on the job with a skilled veteran of the booth. As they work in their conjoined shift, the veteran points out a gold Mercedes pulling up in the toll line. The Veteran nudges the kid and says " Dat guy dere ain't gone pay his full toll. " the young ne...

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