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Christmas Trees Jokes

Tommy begged his father to get them a Christmas tree

Father said no. No Christmas tree

"But daddy all my friends have Christmas trees in their house"

Father was adamant, NO Christmas tree.

Tommy pestered his father every year. Still no Christmas tree.

Finally when tommy was 10 he really begged , "Please I want a Christmas t...

How do you feel about live Christmas trees?

Personally, I think they're more festive than dead ones.

Why are the prettiest Christmas trees kinky?

They're into light bondage

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Christmas trees and priests have in common?

Balls are there just for decoration...

Leo treats women like Christmas Trees…

no use for em after the 25th

Christmas trees are bad at sewing

They always drop their needles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Onions and Christmas Trees

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s , they are like pears, still nice but han...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Onions and Christmas Trees

A couple with a son and a daughter was having a meal together.

At a certain point, the son decides to ask the father:

“Dad, how many types of boobs are there?”

“Three.”

“How so?”

“When you’re 20, they’re like melons: gorgeous and round. When you’re 40, they’re like...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's similar between boobs and Christmas trees?

When you see really nice ones, you can't tell if they're real or fake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nice christmas tree

A guy walks into a bar decorated for the Christmas holiday and orders a beer. "That's a beautiful Christmas tree you have over there. I hope you're not offended, but I've always found that Christmas trees are a lot like boobs," he tells the bartender. "When you see really nice ones you just have to ...

What do Trump and Christmas trees have in common?

They both get thrown out in January

What do Millenials and Christmas Trees have in common?

They used to thrive, but now they're dead inside.

The Story of How The Angel Went on Top of The Christmas Tree

Santa was having a terrible day. The toy factory was broken. Elves weren’t working. Mrs Claus was bugging him about something. He was having to manually make toys out of wood. He was over it. And just as he was hanging on to his lead shred of sanity, he smashed his thumb with a hammer.
And just ...

I don't understand why cats climb Christmas trees...

they should be afraid of the BARK.

Why are christmas trees so fond of the past?

Because the present's beneath them

My friend told me he is attracted to Christmas trees and people in animal costumes

He identifies as a douglas furry

Ever wonder why angels are put on top of Christmas trees?

‘‘Twas the night before Christmas, to Santa’s dismay

Because the North Pole was in a bad way

The elves were on strike and not making toys

And the reindeer were out getting drunk with the boys

Santa sat in his sleigh and pondered his plight

When what came his way ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do porn directors prefer real Christmas trees?

Because they don't need fluffing.

Two rednecks, Joe and Bubba went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees.

They looked all day without any luck. Near nightfall Bubba finally said, "Joe, I'm takin the next tree we come to, wether it has lights on it or not!"

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