Britain used to send kids up chimneys to sweep them. It was hazardous and many got ill and died.

Until we developed the flue vaccine.

How much do chimneys cost?

Nothing, they're on the house.

The CDC is warning people about biohazards in chimneys, but my dumb Facebook friends won't listen.

They keep saying "It's just the flue, bro."

Why have so many chimneys stopped smoking?

Because of hearth disease

(from my 6yo daughter)

TIL chimneys can be used as conjunctions

They may introduce a clause

Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys next year?

It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.

Why is St. Nick afraid of going down chimneys?

Claustrophobia.

Did you hear Santa stopped coming down chimneys?

He kept getting Claus-trophobic.

A tale of two chimneys

What did the big chimney say to the smaller chimney?
You're too young to smoke.


What did the smaller chimney say to the big chimney?
GAH! TALKING CHIMNEY!

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he’s been down?

He keeps a log

The tooth fairy, unfairly caught up in a dentures scam, was standing in line behind Voldermort in the magic prison commissary,

Suddenly, Voldermort screams at an old man alone in a corner, "You wouldn't be here if you appreciated stealth, Mr ho-ho-ho from the rooftops."

The tooth fairy realizes the outcast is Santa Claus, and separates himself from the undesirables to approach him, asking, "Kind Sir, what did you do ...

Why was Santa sick on the day after Christmas?

A couple of the chimneys he went down had the flue

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