Mental illness joke. (I have this illness so I'm laughing at myself) I used to have a beautiful girlfriend who loved and cherished me before I got diagnosed with Schizophrenia

Then they put me on some pills and she disappeared

Ricardo was a young Italian man.

He lived in Milan. On his 16th birthday his father Antonio, in a rite of passage, gave him a hunting rifle that was a family heirloom. The rifle had been handmade by Antonio’s father who founded the Rolle Carabiner Company after World War II. Ricardo cherished the rifle and he practiced with it o...

I only know two things about dogs

The first is that they don't live for a very long time, so you every second with them should be cherished.

The second is that they absolutely love chocolate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father was on his death bed at home..

.. with all his family around him. He grabbed his wife by the hand and with shallow breath asked

"Is my son in the room with me?"

"Yes dad, I am here" replied the son.


"Good, and my daughter is here with me?" Asked the father, growing weaker.

"Yes dad, I am here wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three couples died and arrived at the pearly gates.

As the first couple stepped forward St. Peter held up his hand and said, “I’m sorry but you may not enter.”
The befuddled husband asks, “why not?” Peter answers, “Because, sir, throughout your life you loved money more than you loved God. In fact, you cherished money so dearly you married this wo...

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A man inherited a massive sum of money from his great aunt, but it came with a catch...

As part of the terms of the inheritance, he was required to care for her cherished grey parrot. The executor told him if anything should happen to the bird, or if he ever chose not to take care of it, he would have to forfeit the inheritance and estate.

At first, this seemed simple enough, bu...

Three house pets- a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat-- all die and go to heaven...

As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.

God turns to the golden retriever and says "The Book of Life indicates that you have been a very good boy. But tell me, in your own words, what are your ultimate princi...

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A man is drowning his sorrows at a bar.

Over his beer, he tells the bartender, "I built this bar, you know, and many other buildings over the years. But do they call me McGregor the builder? No, they do not.

Look outside. Do you see that road? I built that too, and many others over the years. Do they call me McGregor the road buil...

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The county's eldest man had just turn a 100 years old and local tv was reporting on the event...

The reporter had her crew set up in the living room of the retirement home where the man, born in 1919, was watching days pass by.

She sat on a chair in front of him, ready to start taping the feel-good segment of the night's local news.

"I'm with mister James Woodson, our county's eld...

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A Postman's Last Day

A Postman, after years on the same route, was on his last day before retirement. He was cherished by all on his route. And every door was one gift after another, celebrating the beloved postman. He received gift after gift.

Then coming up to another home on the route, he sees a blonde in sexy...

The 2 Soldiers

2 soldiers are on the battle field. One soldier drops his cherished pocket watch on the ground. As he reaches for it, his teammate gets shot and falls on top of it. His teammate looks at him with fear in his eyes and says, "There's no way I'm going to get out of this, I am going to die..." The soldi...

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