UPJOKE
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Tran Jokes

i have a lot of respect for trans women

that surgery takes balls!
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What are a trans parents pronouns

Who/where
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How did the trans guy come out to his parents?

“There’s something that I really need to get off of my chest”
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Why are trans women so good at swimming?

Because they are boyn’t
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Even though the trans womens club is thriving

Members are dropping off
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My doctor advised me to stay away from trans fats.

I guess I should really get off Tumblr
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Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?

They're enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.
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Why did the trans man only eat salad?

Because he was a herbefore.
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Bud light has always been trans...

It's water that identifies as beer.
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Raising children is hard as a trans parent

They see right through me
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping cabin on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a cabin, they went to bed, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, they were both still wide awake and they both knew it.

He said: "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet under you...

How do you know if a trans man is ticklish?

You give him a couple test tickles.
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Why did the trans woman go by she/her?

Because her/she was trademarked.
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I’m ok with trans women competing in women’s sports

As long as I’m allowed to bet
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What’s the hottest thing about trans girls?

You know they’re all squirters
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I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...

I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??
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Did you hear about the team of mutant trans-women super-heroes?

They're called "The Ex-Men".
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I always wanted a super power, so I named my son Tran

I can’t quite turn invisible, but at least I’m transparent
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Why couldn't the trans person learn coding?

They are non-binary!
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What did the doctor say to to the female to male trans guy.

You have an iron deficiency.
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Which Pokemon in-game item should you never give to your Trans friends?

And Ether. It restores pp...
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I now identify as invisible

Although I was born visible, I am now trans-parent. My pronouns are who/where
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Did you hear about that trans-species gazelle?

He’s really transformed himself. You could say he was born a gnu.
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On Kid Rock being seen recently drinking Bud Light despite his rant against their supporting trans people...

Sometimes you drink what you can afford.
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Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn’t know what group to join...

She’s still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former
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It's Trans Visibility Day today...

I wonder how you'd feel about that as a trans-parent.
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My friend randomly said: "Pinocchio is a trans icon."

Me: Why?

My friend: "I wanna be a real boy!"

(A stupid joke but I wanted to post it anyway)
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what do you call an elderly trans person?

>!translate!<
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A trans woman took her artwork to an art constat.

It was a series of lifelike paintings and sculptures of catholic nuns, done using only the best of materials. There were a lot of good entries to be sure, but every one she entered, she won easily.

When the judges were asked why they all couldn't help but give her gold, they answered,
...
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Why does a well-done trans joke start off dark and turn wholesome?

Because the goal is a good transition.
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One of my buddies made a trans girl cry yesterday. So I angrily asked, "How could you..."

"... propose to her without telling me first?"
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What do Joe Biden and trans people have in common?

Republicans want to block their transition
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Trans Fats

Fat people identifying as skinny.
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Why did Iron Man become a trans woman?

Because she realized she was Fe-male!
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A Trans-Nordic race was planned to pass through Norway, Sweden, and Finland, ending at the Russian border.

But everyone stopped at the Finnish line instead.
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Friend: “I heard one of the beer companies put a trans woman on their beer can.” Me: “Anheuser Busch?”

Friend: “I don’t know, I couldn’t see her bush.”
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what did the trans cow say to her mom?

Bitch I'm a cow

Why couldn't Chinese hackers decrypt the trans man's signal?

It was non-binary
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What do you call a fight between Trans people?

TRANSACTION
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The reason the bank account of I, a trans person, is empty.

Every action I make is a transaction.
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I really identify with the trans movement...

For the first 9 months of my life, I was a man trapped in a woman's body!
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What did the dad say when his son came out as trans

You're not my son anymore
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You can't be trans and say that you're ugly

You're a customisable character
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We had a trans friend come over for Christmas this year

He said he can’t wait to eat, drink and be Mary
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Marvel have announced their newest Superhero team, one consisting entirely of Trans-woman.

The Ex-Men.
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Having a trans parent is really difficult for kids.

It feels like they are never there.
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Did you know the first trans people came from Egypt?

It was when daddy's became mummy's
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My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

Edit: thanks for all the support and a...

How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.
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On Friday, an elementary school teacher poses her students a challenge...

"If you can tell me who said the following quote, they don't have to come to school on Monday: 'We have nothing to fear, but fear itself'"
A hand shoots up and little Billy Tran says "Franklin Delano Roosevelt".
"Correct, Billy. You can have next Monday off" the teacher replies.
"I'm ...

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I once travelled the Trans-Sahara Highway in an old funeral coach with all of the badges removed.

I suppose you could say I've been through the desert in a hearse with no name.

Do trans girls float in water?

After all, they are boy’nt
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I told my kids I wanted to be a trans-parent

They knew I was joking because they could see right through me
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I will never date a trans person, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Besides, my wife would kill me.
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A FtM trans man gets asked what career path he wants to pursue.

He laughs and replies: “a mailman”

(A trans man made this)
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Why do we need Trans visibility day?

Isn't that against the whole point of transparency?
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What do trans women and ravers have in common?

They both pop a lot of E.
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Did you see the news about the trans couple adopting kids?

It was *Transparent*
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What do you call a trans demon?

An Evil Trap.
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What do you call someone who isn't trans and likes to roll around while drinking lots of water?

A cis-turn
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Q: What would a Trans person be called if he/she has a child?

A: Transparent!
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What is a trans person's favorite Brittany Spears song?

"I'm not a boy, not yet a woman"
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I came out to my Asian parents as a trans woman and told them I have a boyfriend named Shane.

I think they are taking it pretty well. They said they did't have a son and I would bring Shane to the family.
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A trans woman complained about having her makeup done without her consent.

"I told him not to do it but he did anyway!"

But the guy who did her makeup told his side of the story:

"You DID consent. I asked if I could do it and your exact words were 'I'll pass, thanks.'"
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What do you call a vegetarian trans-man

A herbefore
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What's the least likely profession for a trans person?

Mail man.
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My trans child can’t see me.

It’s probably because I’m transparent.
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Why was the trans person that just moved in always getting lost?

They were new to these parts.
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What kind of programming do trans robots have?

Non-Binary
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Why can’t trans men enjoy chocolate?

It uses Hershey pronouns.
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I'm trans-GPA

I'm a 4.0 student living in the body of a 2.0 student
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My wife asked me if i was secretly trans.

So i packed her stuff and left.
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A trans friend of mine was recently able to adopt a kid.

Haven’t really seen him around lately, though, now that he’s a trans parent.
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How many trans people does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But they have to live in the dark for 30 years before they're allowed to change, and nobody will believe them afterwards.
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To the people comparing Rachel Dolezal pretending to be black to Caitlyn Jenner being trans...

Transrachel isn't the same as transjenner.
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So I realized that I'm trans a few months ago

And you know what? In a lot of ways it's made life easier. Estrogen definitely causes mood swings but I feel like I've been having fewer and fewer bad days.

Yep, it sure does feel easier to keep my head over the water now that I'm boyn't.
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Robots don't have brothers...

They have tran-sisters.
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A MtF Trans woman goes to a Halloween costume party...

But she shows up in her regular clothes. The party goers ask "did you forget this was a costume party?"

She replies "Oh I remembered. I'm dressed as one of the X-Men."
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I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man...

I am trans-fat.
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Trans-continental blonde ....

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sexual interaction between two trans individuals?

A transaction.

This is the only good original joke I've made in my entire life, and that's not a joke!
Haven't seen this posted elsewhere before.

What do you call a trans woman who's laughing?

xD
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Mr. Smith died (Rus. Trans.)

A doctor comes to work one day, and sees one of the nurses crying.
"Why are you crying, Mary?" he asks her.
"Don't you know doctor? Mr. Smith died."
The doctor doesn't know who Mr. Smith is, so he asks the nurse but she just goes on crying.
The doctor, mystified, goes to his office, and ...

Son: Dad, what are this 'trans fats" given on the label?

Dad: Trans fats are both groups of people you can't make fun of.
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What do you call a trans person that doesnt want to do something right now?

A translater
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What did the trans-textual book say to the librarian?

"Did you just assume my genre?"
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How did the trans man come out to his parents?

"Mom, Dad, I've got a couple things I need to get off my chest."
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My kids began ignoring me so much that I feel invisible...

Now I identify as trans-parent.
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What did the trans man say after finally telling his parents about his surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
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In the 'Nam. (Rus. Trans.)

The Vietnam war. A russian general is selling a vietnamese general some warplanes. "See here,"- says the russian general:" Push this blue button if you are losing a battle. Push this green button if you are really losing a battle. Push this red button only when you are really REALLY losing a battle....

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Two guys in hell (Rus. Trans.)

Two guys - a russian and an american die and are sentensed to go to hell. In hell they are met by a demon who asks them if they whant to go to Russian Hell or to American Hell. The american says:"Ive been american all my life, I will go to American Hell." The russian says:"Ive been russian all my li...

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Me and my trans male buddy decided to form a bowling team.

We’re calling ourselves “2 Men 2 Balls 1 Goal.”

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MTF trans people deserve a lot of credit if they get sexual reassignment surgery.

That decision takes balls.

I think I identify as a church roof.

I'm beginning to tran-spire
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What do you say when you meet a gay, black, trans person?

"Hello."

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Old man in prison (Rus. Trans.)

An old man is shoved into a prison cell. He is at once cornerd by the other guys in the cell. "What are you here for, old man?"- asks one of the inmates. "Well, I am a joker you know"- says the old man. "Okay, what kind of joke?." "Watch,"- says the old man and goes to the toilet wich is in one of t...

Alternate Lyrics: I kissed a Trans and I liked it.

The taste of her hairy lap stick.
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If a Nun changed sex...

Would that make them a tran-sister?

No offence, its about a RUSSIAN policeman (Rus. Trans.)

A policeman comes home from work early and finds his wife naked and a pair of boots his never seen before at the door. He starts running around the house. He opens the bathroom door, looks inside and says:"No one here, so where is he?". He goes to the kitchen. Checks under the table. Says: "No one h...
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