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Two statues (one nude male, one nude female) sit beside each other at the entrance of Central Park…

One day, very early in the morning, an angel comes down from heaven. He looks the statues up and down, and with a flick of his wrist, \*POOF!\* he turns the statues into real people.

The man and woman stare at each other in amazement, but their attention soon turns to the angel, who's quite s...

Three elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench in Central Park. Suddenly, a man dressed in an overcoat appears from behind a tree. The man casually opens his coat and flashes the unsuspecting ladies.

Surprised, the first lady had a stroke. The second lady also had a stroke. The third lady, though, declined to touch it.

A man walks through the Central Park in New York City

Suddenly he sees a dog attacking a small girl. He runs towards them, starts a fight with the dog and finally kills it. So he saves the life of the girl.

A policeman was watching them, walks to the man and says:

You are a hero! Tomorrow in the new York Times the first headline will be: ...

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I'm walking thru Central Park and a guy says to me: "5 bucks, you can talk to my ducks"

"Ducks can't talk" says I.

"5 bucks, you can talk to them, I promise"

"You know what, I have nothing to do, here's 5 bucks"

I walk to the first duck "Hey duckie, how was your day?"

"Oh, you know, the usual, in and out of puddles all day"

"HOLY SHIT, They do tal...

A man is walking in Central park in New York....

A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.

He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.

He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: - "You are a hero, tomo...

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I wrote a book, and the first sentence reads, “There I sat in Central Park, staring at the base of the Empire State Building across the street.”

The title of the book is “I’ve Never Been to New York But I Love Hearing New Yorkers Get Mad At This Shit”

Two peanuts were walking through Central Park.

One was a salted.

The Jones didn't have any children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off, honey. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell with the hopes of making a sale.

"Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to....."

"Oh, there's no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in.

"You have?" the photographer asked....

During a recent fishing competition in England the fish were so scarce...

...that the prize was given to the competitor who caught the biggest cold.

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Bonus joke from Henny Youngman:

A man says to another man, ‘Can you tell me how to get to Central Park?’

‘No.’

‘All right, I’ll mug you right here.’

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The Heroic Homeless Man

It’s December 2012, and Christmas is fast approaching. The snow is on the trees, gifts are being bought, and the lake in Central Park is frozen over. Children and the stents are skiing on the ice, having a great time. However suddenly, a little girl falls through the ice. Luckily, a nearby homeless ...

A Cherokee chief and a corporate director

A Cherokee chief, poorly dressed, and a corporate director in a fancy suit share a bench in Central Park.

The corporate guy notices that from time to time the chief is peeking at his paper bag, printed with a clever design, that rests at his feet.

“You like the bag?”

“Yes, fancy...

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Superman and The Flash

Superman and the Flash were jogging around Central Park when they spot Wonder Woman sunbathing naked behind some bushes. Superman says to Flash "That is one fine piece of ass" The Flash says "you know Superman, with my super speed I bet I can screw her brains out and be gone before she suspects any...

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George W Bush and Dick Cheney were recently spotted hanging out together

A few reports were coming out that the two, who were acting like the best of friends, were spotted around an hour ago at central park. Someone close to the scene said that on Bush's phone was the interface to Pokemon go, while on Cheney's was the official Reddit app.

Because of that, it's bee...

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Two Arab brothers meet in Lebanon

They have a conversation in which they agree that they are both quite wealthy and that to lead better lives they should move to America with their families.

They decide to move to New York with their wives and children and meet up in Central Park. The first brother says to the second one: ...

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A man walks into a bar and orders a Manhattan.

The drink comes and he sees a piece of parsley floating in the glass.

"What in the world is this?"

The bartender says, "Central Park."

A man has to pee...

But he is in the middle of Central Park. He finds what he believes is an out of the way spot, unzips, and does his thing.

To his surprise, the spot he chose was not very secluded, and before he can do anything about it, a woman walks right in front of him.

She shrieks and says, "Gros...

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