Cashews Jokes - 25 Hilarious Cashews Jokes

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A man is sitting on a flight from NYC to London

He feels a little cold, so he asks the cabin attendant for a blanket. The cabin crew completely ignores him. On the seat next to him is no other than a parrot. The parrot screams "get me a scotch on the rocks you stupid ". Not a moment passes and the parrot gets a nice glass of whiskey. The man ...

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What do cashews and prostitutes have in common?

It’s an expensive nut.

I'm releasing a new line of sleep aids featuring melatonin-infused almonds, cashews, and pistachios.

They're called Doze Nuts.

I was just eating cashews and one of them fell into my bra.

Is it still a cashew or is it a chestnut now?

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What do you call two cashews having ?

Idk but it’s nuts.

NASA is currently developing a way to grow cashews on the Moon's soil...

They're calling them Astro-nuts.

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I woke up with my in a jar of cashews

I've always loved cashews this....this is nuts.

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I have a friend whose fetish is cashews.

He's nuts.

Have you seen the prices of Almonds and Cashews?

They're nuts.

What's the difference between a container of peanuts, cashews, and almonds and neutering a dog.

One is mixed nuts - the other is nixed mutts!

LPT: Follow the given three steps in order to successfully accomplish a murder.

1. Set out a few high-mounted boxes with hole in the front of them.
2. Scatter about several boxes filled with cashews.
3. Be sure to do this in a place crows frequent.

I am really glad that No Nut November is over.

A whole month without cashews was rough.

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.

The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

Finally NNN is over!!

Gonna eat almonds and cashews all day!!

Went to Costco to pick up some groceries. I am on the low carb diet but wanted something salty to snack on. Checked aisle by aisle for almonds or pistachios or cashews but they were all out.

Guess it is no nut November.

What do you call expensive shoes?

Cashews..

- My 9 yr old son.

What do peanuts wear on their feet?

Cashews

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A guy goes to his doctor and says...

"I need help. I can't resist the urge to put my into bowls of cashews."

The doctor says "You're nuts!"

What kinda fancy footwear does Mr.Peanut wear?

Cashews

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A naked man runs past me down the street...

Seeing this I yell "Oi you!"

He turns and reveals he's clutching a bag of cashews to protect his modesty.

"Are you nuts?"

I hate that it's already no nut November

I'm going to have to jack it a whole lot to keep my mind off of cashews...

If money could eat, what would be its favorite kind of nut?

Cashews!

If I glued dollar bills to my sneakers, what would you call them?

Cashews

What kind of nuts go on your feet?

*Sigh*...

Cashews.

Walnut daiquiris

Old Doc Brown had a peculiar routine for the end of his workday. He would always stop at the bar on his walk home and slowly sip a walnut daiquiri. Like clockwork, 5 days a week for 20 years, Doc Brown would stroll in at 6pm, sit at the end of the bar, and drink his daiquiri.

Jack tended the ...

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