Can't See Jokes - 47 Hilarious Can't See Jokes

What would a redneck call a Cervidae that can't see?

No eye deer!

I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape. I don't even have a home anymore.

I think it's time for a new keyboard.

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Bet you can't see your dick!

My colleague: "I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower."

Me: "No, just your daughter's head,"

"Doctor, I can't see at far distance!"

"Can you see the sun?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, how the hell far do you want to see?!"

Dogs can't see your bones

but catscan

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Dear Mr. Watson, please inform any potential customers I can't see them now due to a severe Constipation

"No shit, Sherlock?"

Doctor, I've got mustard in my eyes and I can't see a thing.

Doctor: any other symptoms?

Me: no, but I have the strangest feeling that this has happened before

Doctor: French mustard?

Me: yes, why?

Doctor: It's dijon view

I can't see very well in the dark

but on the bright side, I see just fine.

You know what you can't see from space?

The Chinese wall. That's fake news.

But you know what you can see from space? Selenskyj's huge balls

it's orange and you can't see it, what is it?

an orange behind a corner

I can't see Mayweather beating McGregor...

I don't have a TV.

What has 5 legs but can't walk, 4 wings but can't fly and 3 eyes but can't see?

A mutant cow.

Why does the blind man can't see his friends?

Because he is married.

What is it. Red, round and you can't see it.

Tomato in another country.

There are too many "You can't see me" memes out there

I've Cena Nuff'

Do you know why Stevie Wonder can't see his friends?

Cuz he's married!!!

What do you call a dog that can't hear, can't see, can't smell, can't taste, and can't feel?

Nonsense!

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Tonight, imma have sex with a girl who can't see

in other words : she's fucking blind

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld

Cake day so time to Karma Farm, and I can't see this joke posted

I can't see the haters.

- Helen Keller

What has two eyes but can't see?

A visually handicapped person.

I broke up with a girl once because she was having hallucinations.

She said "Carl, I.. can't see you anymore"... That was weird. I was like- "Babe, I'm standing right here." then she said "No, you don't understand... I'm seeing someone else" which was really bizarre because it was just the two of us in the room. I had to break it off after that.

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Reverend...how do I know God exists if I can't see Him?"

"You can feel Him from within."

"I don't understand."

"Well, for instance - can you see my cock at the moment?"

Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c?

Because you can't see in the dark.

Ba-dum-tss

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How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

I tried to make a joke about someone who can't see, hear, taste, smell, or feel anything.

I realized it was senseless.

What has six eyes but can't see?

Three blind mice.

You can't see me. I am a man with inseparable values, but I cannot do the splits. :(

**INDIVISIBLE MAN!**

Have I told you the joke about the window you can't see through?

I better not. It's too dirty.

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Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you wan...

My wife is so pious and biased that she can't see how virtuous I am when making charitable donations to help the plight of single mothers

All she sees is hookers

What do you say to a phone who can't see very well?

"Have you lost your contacts?"

Please be gentle, I'm new to this

The year is 2028 and /r/Jokes is still going strong.

A new user gets on to /r/jokes and sees the most upvoted joke just says "28"

The second most upvoted joke says "3915"

The third most upvoted joke says "756"

He can't see why they're getting so many upvotes, so he comments "These aren't jokes, they're numbers"

The mod repl...

My pastor told this during a sermon once and it still kills me

Two fellas are walking in the woods one day when they come upon a gigantic hole, so big and deep that they can't see the bottom of it. Naturally, their curiosity gets the best of them and they start looking for things to throw in the hole. They find sticks and rocks and throw them in but never hear ...

I can't see how this day could get any worse. First, my baby cousin went missing...

And now my pet snake has a huge tumor

A guy buys a ticket to the Superbowl but is up in the very top seats but can't see very well ...

... and after watching for a quarter, notices ONE seat way down near the field on the 50 yard line that has been empty the entire quarter and so he decides to try to sneak down and sit in the seat ....

When he gets there the man in the next seat notices his apprehension and says, "Don't worry...

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Two Deaf People Get Married

Two Deaf people get married
During 1st week of marrige they found they are unable to communicate in bedroom with the lights out as they can't see each other signing and lipsing.
After several nights of fumbling and misunderstanding they finally came up with a solution
The wife said
Why ...

A Chinese doctor can't find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, yo...

Have you guys seen the new image from James Webb telescope yet? I heard it looks back in time like 13.7 billion years...

...and it still can't see the last time you got laid.

Me: [uncontrollable sobbing] I can't see you anymore. I won't let you hurt me again.

Trainer: It was a sit-up. You did one sit-up.

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Legless parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy shit," the guy replies. "You actually...

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[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

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It's 2am and the doorbell rings.

I run down stairs and open the door. There's a bloke there looking a bit desperate and says, "I know it's really late, but can you give me a push". I tell him to piss off and I go back to bed.

Wife asks who it was - I tell her. She says I'm a right cunt for not helping and I should give him a...

Woman goes to see a doctor about her bed wetting problem

Doctors listens to her, nods sagely where appropriate and then tells her to strip. Woman is a bit confused but does as instructed. While she is undressing doctor places a big mirror on the floor and then tells woman to do a headstand over it. Even more confused woman does as instructed, figuring doc...

I have 2 eyes and can't see, but millions of eyes on me. What am I?

NFL Referee

The Doctor and the Rich Man

An immigrant doctor decided to start his own clinic one day.
He put a sign in front of it that says if he can't cure your illness, he'll give you 100 dollars. If he can, you have to pay 20 dollars.
A young rich man passes by, sees the sign, and thinks it's a good opportunity to earn 100 bu...

What's the worst part of an apple addiction?

You can't see a doctor about it.

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