I became a father today, but no dad jokes are coming to me. I’m pretty bummed.

Luckily the neighbor hit me with a few good jokes as we got home! Cheered me right up!

I was really bummed out about being prescribed antibiotics...

Until I realized this is closest I’ll ever get to being a fungi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dinosaur that's just been bummed?

Mega-sore-arse

We just had our family portrait painted and I'm a little bummed.

I had my eyes closed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Old Man Get's The Attention Of The IRS For Some Suspicious Activities

The old man arrives to his appointment with the IRS representative with his lawyer.

The rep asks how he accumulated so much money without working a job or owning investments.

The old man responds: "I make all my money placing bets"

Rep: "What kind of bets do you make?"

Ol...

My friend was bummed today because his blind dog has cancer and he is going to have to put her down tomorrow.

I wanted to cheer him up, so I said “well, at least she won’t see it coming.”

Son: "Daddy i i fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!! "

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".

Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a coupl...

I'm bummed out because i was just diagnosed with alzheimer's

at least I don't have alzheimer's

After a night of drinking a man decides to go for a nightcap

After drinking he was pretty hammered but was close to home and decided he could go for one more round.

He walks into the bar and asks for a drink, but was obviously hammered and the bartender told him, "I'm sorry sir you appear drunk and I will not serve you."

So the man walks ...

Jeff bezos

Jeff Bezos : I'm really bummed about my divorce

Friend : you probably need some space

Jeff Bezos : ...you're so ... right...

Friend from Australia was bummed he didn't get a job working with marsupials

He didn't understand, he had all the necessary koalafications.

I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched.

So after a brief chat i went to go pick her up. I wasn't expecting much, probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this or join an incel chatroom.

I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5'2", baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all the...

Arrghh! I'm so bummed! I finally got laid

off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three dwarves are sitting around having a few drinks

Dwarf #1 says:

Sometimes I get bummed out being a dwarf. But at least it is good for something. The other day I was flipping through the Guinness Book of World Records, and I found out that I have the shortest arms in the world.

The other two dwarves don't believe him. So they get a co...

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