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Bouncers Jokes

Two burly bouncers are standing outside the front of a pub.

One says "When I get home, I'm gonna rip my wife's undies off!"

"Why's that?" The other asks.

The first bouncer finishes " 'cause the elastic is killing me."

A bloke arrives at a nightclub door and the bouncers say he can't come in without a tie.

He goes to the boot of his car and gets a pair of jump leads, wraps them around his neck and goes back to the doormen.

"Can I come in now,' he says to the bouncers. 'Yeah, but don't start anything''.

A blind man walks into a bar

A blind man walks into a bar and says , Hey do you all want to hear a blond joke?

the bartender quickly leans over and says , just so you know , im blond , the 2 other bartenders are blond and the 2 big bouncers are blond

the blind man hesitates and says "Never mind, i dont want to hav...

What are security officers called at a trampoline park?

Bouncers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in the pub last night having a conversation with a couple of bouncers

The barmaid rudely interrupted and said, "Will you talk to my face, not my fucking tits."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why should you never fight Destiny?

Because then you will have to fight the bouncers, and every other stripper in the club.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Before the emcee was about to give his speech he noticed there were way more people in the hall than invitations that went out.

He decided to play it smart. He took the Mic and announced “Okay. So now we're gonna play a little game between the bride's and the groom's side. I request the bride's relatives to come to the left of the party hall, and those of the groom to the right.”

The orders were followed by the ‘well-...

If I ran a night club I'd hire a rabbit to guard the front door.

I heard they're good bouncers.

Cardi B was hosting a private pool party...

With music bumping, and social media blowing up with post about where it was, tons of fans were trying to get in, but bouncers turned them all away unless Cardi B gave approval herself.

As the party reached its peak, screams started coming from the pool and everyone rushed out getting water ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can’t fight Destiny, because if you try

Then you will have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too.

Did you hear what happened to the large breasted streaker at the match on Sunday?

She got thrown out by the bouncers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddies and I where out for a night on the town.

We ended up at a high end bar with a dress code.All my buddies being the suave dudes they are where dressed accordingly with suits and ties but I alas was not. See you on the other side fucker they all yelled out as they went in laughing. Well there I was, out in the cold left out,abandoned.Not to b...

My 2-year-old wouldn't come out of the carnival bounce house, so the attendant had to go in and get him

I really thought I wouldn't have to worry about him getting thrown out of places by bouncers until he got older.

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