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Turk Jokes

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Did you know that the condom was invented by the Turks?

They used the intestines of sheep around their penis when having sex.

And did you know that years later, the Brits were the ones who improved the condom by removing the sheep?

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The Turks invented sex

and then the Greeks improved it by removing the sheep and adding lubrication.

The Romans perfected it by discovering that you could have it with women too, then the French ruined it by adding misogynistic condescension, and the British made it worse by adding shame; after that, the Americ...

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A Turk, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are traveling on a train.

The compartment gets warm, so the Frenchman opens the window and a fly buzzes in. Wanting to show off, the Frenchman swiftly draws his sword and with one strike, the fly is split in half. As the others look on in amazement, the Frenchman hands out his business card, which reads: "France's Best Sword...

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A Black Guy, a Japanese guy, a Chinese Guy, an Arab, a Turk and a second Black guy walk into a bar

The Arab guy sits down at the bar and subsequently, he gets served first.

The bartender says, "what'll it be?"

The Arab guy says to him, "I think I'll get a Mich Ultra. Nothing too high calorie; I'm actually trying to lose a few pounds for the upcoming charity 5k next month."

Th...

An Englishman, Frenchman and Turk

Were all in a train cabin. Feeling a little warm, the Frenchman opened the window and a little fly came buzzing in.

Wanting to impress the other two, the Frenchman takes out his sword and in one swoop sliced the fly in half. Feeling proud of himself, closes the window and hands out his busine...

An American, a Frenchman, a Turk and a Scotsman are arguing about whose nation is the best

(sorry for bad English, it's not my native language)

The American says: We have our intelligence agencies, like CIA. They are the best in the world, and they know everything!

The Frenchman says: We have beautiful women. Despite being so attractive, they are not easy to be seduced.
<...

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A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.

Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.

Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.

Turks: Let's get him outside.

Russian: that's your second p...

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Trump wants to paint the Whitehouse. He asks for a quote from a Chinese guy, a European, and a Turk.

The Chinese guy says he can do it for 3 million dollars, the European says he can do it for 7 million, and the Turk says he can do it for 10 million.

Trump asks the Chinese man why it would cost 3 million and he responds "one for paint, one for my workers, and one for my profit".

Tru...

Why are turks bad at making cheese?

They never let the kurds separate.

An animal lover talks to a turk

He asks the turk:"May I talk to your horse?"

"Horse not talk", he replies.

The animal lover asks the horse : "Hello horse how are you doing do you have enough food?"

"I'm doing fine and there is more than enough food too."

The animal lover asks the turk : "May I talk to ...

"Turks have 3 problems..."

An Italian man walks into a nightclub wearing a shirt that says "Turks have 3 problems".

A turkish man approaches him and asks: "What the f*** is your shirt suppposed to mean?""

The Italian says: "See, that is your first problem. You turks are way too curious"

The Turkish man w...

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The World's Best Ethnic Joke.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, am Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Columbian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a L...

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

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Two Turks are being happy because there's now 4 Million Turks in Germany

Then a old Grandma comes along and says:"There were 6 million Jews in Germany once"

You were looking for furniture in 3 adjacent garage sales; The Turk's, The American's, and the Swede.

The Turk, leaning over one of his tables, rubs the quality carpet that serves as a cover. He tells you that it is made by his wife, and that It will serve you will if you are looking for a warm and cozy look for your house.

The American leans up against one of his glass coffee tables. He tell...

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(A german joke)What does a German, a Turk, and a Czech make in a brothel?

The German fucks, the Turk cleans and the Czech waits for his wife!

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Here is one of my favourite Iranian jokes that I've translated to English for you all, hope you like it

One day there was a king who had the the most beautiful daughter anyone had ever seen.

Everyone wanted to sleep with his daughter so he thought he would make a game of this.

King: "Anyone who can wrestle my lion and kill it will be given permission fuck my daughter"

For days m...

Have you heard about how much meat pastries cost in Antigua, Barbados, Colombia, Dominican Republic, Haiti, Honduras, Jamaica, Aruba, Trinidad and Tobago, The Bahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands?

You should have done, they are the pie rates of the Caribbean

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Tunnel project

A japanese, a german and a Turkish company are fighting to take a tunnel project from a government to complete.

The germans say they start digging from one end and get out from the other end and deliver one tunnel.

The japans say they would start digging from the both end and meet at ...

What did the Greeks say after Constantinople was taken by the Turks?

What a load of Istanbull

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Long before the Turks invented condoms

The greeks invented sex.

And the italians thought it was so good, they introduced it to women

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What do you call a Turk who wakes up hungover with a sore ass after a long night with a hooker?

Mustaf bin Atrani

Russian at the disco.

Russian at the disco. A pretty girl at the bar next to him. After a while, a Turk comes up to the bar and says: - "You're hitting on my girlfriend. In a moment I see you outside and we'll handle it like men. A Russian comes out in front of the disco, looks at 50 Turks with knives in their hands. Aft...

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A generic slightly racist one! (use it with any minority).

A guy goes to a club in Germany with a t-shirt that says:

Turks have three problems

Immediately a Turk comes up and says:

-- What's that supposed to mean, on your t-shirt? You looking for trouble?

-- See, this is your first problem. You are too aggressive. You start qua...

What do Mountain Turks and cottage cheese have in common?

They’re both just Kurds.

I got this joke while watching Scrubs

Turk: You are like School in July

JD: Why

Turk: No Class

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The Godfather’s relaxing at his social club...

...with his crew. The usual gaggle of young Turks waits in the wings, hoping to get noticed, hoping to move up.

The Godfather calls one of them over.

“Jimmy, I hear good things about you. They tell me you’re serious, that you can be trusted.”

Jimmy swells with pride.

“I ...

Ready for Thanksgiving, steps for a great Turkey!!!

Step 1. Buy a turkey
Step 2. Have a glass of wine
Step 3. Stuff the turkey
Step 4. Have a glass of wine
Step 5. Put turkey in oven
Step 6. Relax and have a glass of wine
Step 7. Turk the bastey
Step 8. Wine of glass another get
Step 9. Hunt for meat thermometer
Step 10. Gl...

missing

Temel goes to Germany as a worker in the 1960's. One day his supervisor Hans comes up to him and says "You Turks are a kind of people that only works for money. We Germans proudly work not for money but for our dignity." Temel says "Yes boss. Everyone works for whatever they are missing."
credit ...

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A very clean joke

A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. Africa...

This joke gets told EVERY Thanksgiving... Might as well (re)post it here. "How to cook a turkey"

"How to cook a turkey"


Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Turkey Dinner Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Cup of Beer Step 6: Take 3 more whiske...

From the Gallipoli campaign in World War I...

The Australians are interrogating a captured Turkish soldier, when finally poor Mehmet has a question for them.

"Why do you call God such awful names? Why do you curse Him when your soldiers go into battle?"

The Aussies were surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when we Turks l...

Why is Secretary of State Tillerson holding middle east peace talks during Thanksgiving in Wisconsin?

It's the only state that serves curds and turks at the same table.

An East German, West German and Berliner find a Genie...

They free him, and he says "I will grant each of you a wish."
The West German says "I want the Turks to stop stealing our women."
The East German says "I want the Berlin Wall reinstated."
The Berliner thinks very hard, and finally decides. "I will have a Mocha."

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