How can you tell if being a suicide bomber really guarantees you blessings in the afterlife?

You have to C4 yourself

Blessings from god

The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life."

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

An Irish priest is driving home from a night at his favourite bar.

A police officer notices a car swerving all over the road and proceeds to pursue. The Irishman pulls over and the cop makes his way to the driver.

Checking the vehicle and noticing bottles all over the floorboard, the policeman asks, "Have you been drinking?"

"I don't know what you're...

An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."

Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.


One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"


The man says, "I should have taken the money."

God's Blessings

The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes...

A guy, today, told me to count my blessings,

But I didn’t have to sneeze.

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