What did the Pope say to the heretic who successfully lobbied to be buried on hallowed ground?

"What we have here is a failure to excommunicate!"

How do rednecks celebrate Hallowe'en?

They pumpkin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I showed up at the Hallowing party wearing only a pair of jeans..

When I was asked what I was I answered "a Premature Ejaculation!".

My colleague replied with "What? .. I don't get it.. you're just wearing a pear of jeans.."

To which I said "Yup, I just came in my pants".

What does Barbie like to do on hallowe'en?

Pump ken

A skeleton goes into a bar and the bartender asks,"What"ll it be Bones?"

The skeleton replies,"Two beers and a mop."

HAPPY HALLOWEEN ALL

A world class clockmaker dies and goes to Heaven

Johan Hallowed was a master of his craft. He made everything from grandfather clocks to pocket watches to wrist watches. He even helped in the restoration of Big Ben. He finds himself at the Pearly Gates and even St. Peter is a fan of Johan's work. But due to a mixup, Johan was sent to spend eterni...

A man is walking in a storm, alone and lost. He then comes upon a Monastery.

Having no place to go, the poor man approaches the wooden desolate door of the old Monastery and knocks upon the door. The door opens to a rather withered old Monk, who greets the man. “I am the Head Monk of this monastery. Can I help you?” The man asks for refuge overnight and is taken up into the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is SEXY and UNDEAD?

A Zombae

Happy Hallowe'en Y'all

A cabbie picks up a nun.

The cab driver stares at her. She asks him why he’s staring & he says ”I’ve always had a fantasy to kiss a nun.” She says, “I’ll kiss you if you’re single & catholic.” The Cab driver says, “I’m both!” The nun says, “pull into an alley.” The nun then kisses him in a way that would make a hook...

Why can’t witches have babies?

Their husbands have hallow-weenies.

What did the christian say to the ladies at the gym?

Hallowed be thy gains

Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?

Her husband had a Hallow-weiner and crystal balls.

Beer Prayer

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarcerati...

What is God's name?

Hallow....hallowed be thy name....

Why couldn't the boy ghost get the girl ghost pregnant?

Because he had a hallow-weenie.

About to go to Arlington National Cemetery with my family

Me: “Arlington - our nations most hallowed ground”
Dad: “actually I think the Grand Canyon is our nations most hallowed ground”
Me: “the ultimate dad joke - happy Father’s Day haha”

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