What did the Pope say to the heretic who successfully lobbied to be buried on hallowed ground?

"What we have here is a failure to excommunicate!"

How do rednecks celebrate Hallowe'en?

They pumpkin

I have my wife to thank for this one: Why can't witches get pregnant?

Because their husbands have hallow-weenies!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I showed up at the Hallowing party wearing only a pair of jeans..

When I was asked what I was I answered "a Premature Ejaculation!".

My colleague replied with "What? .. I don't get it.. you're just wearing a pear of jeans.."

To which I said "Yup, I just came in my pants".

What does Barbie like to do on hallowe'en?

Pump ken

My friends and I were arguing about which of the Deathly Hallows was best: Cloak, Elder Wand or Resurrection Stone.

Upvote for invisibility.

A skeleton goes into a bar and the bartender asks,"What"ll it be Bones?"

The skeleton replies,"Two beers and a mop."


The Trids and the Rabbi

Once there was a rabbi who was a happy hermit living by himself in some hills far away from anyone else. It wasn’t that he didn’t like people, he just found that being alone was satisfying.

Every day, the rabbi would walk through the woods in the hills. So familiar with the woods was he that ...

A cabbie picks up a nun.

The cab driver stares at her. She asks him why he’s staring & he says ”I’ve always had a fantasy to kiss a nun.” She says, “I’ll kiss you if you’re single & catholic.” The Cab driver says, “I’m both!” The nun says, “pull into an alley.” The nun then kisses him in a way that would make a hook...

A man is walking in a storm, alone and lost. He then comes upon a Monastery.

Having no place to go, the poor man approaches the wooden desolate door of the old Monastery and knocks upon the door. The door opens to a rather withered old Monk, who greets the man. “I am the Head Monk of this monastery. Can I help you?” The man asks for refuge overnight and is taken up into the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is SEXY and UNDEAD?

A Zombae

Happy Hallowe'en Y'all

Halloween Pickup lines

I can't find a costume for Halloween, so can I just go as your boyfriend?

Your costume looks complicated. Need help taking it off?

You’re such a treat that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

You're the most boo-tiful ghost I've seen all night!

You look so good, ...

What did the christian say to the ladies at the gym?

Hallowed be thy gains

Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?

Her husband had a Hallow-weiner and crystal balls.

Beer Prayer

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarcerati...

What is God's name?

Hallow....hallowed be thy name....

Why couldn't the boy ghost get the girl ghost pregnant?

Because he had a hallow-weenie.

About to go to Arlington National Cemetery with my family

Me: “Arlington - our nations most hallowed ground”
Dad: “actually I think the Grand Canyon is our nations most hallowed ground”
Me: “the ultimate dad joke - happy Father’s Day haha”

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