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Hallow Jokes

A Muslim, a Buddhist and a Christian are forced to jump off a building

So the Buddhist man jumps first. He prays: Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha... When he reaches the ground, he lands safely.



The next one is the Muslim. He jumps, and prays: Inshallah, Inshallah, Inshallah... Upon reaching the ground, he smashes so hard and dies instantly.


...

How do rednecks celebrate Hallowe'en?

They pumpkin

What did the Pope say to the heretic who successfully lobbied to be buried on hallowed ground?

"What we have here is a failure to excommunicate!"

What does Barbie like to do on hallowe'en?

Pump ken

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I showed up at the Hallowing party wearing only a pair of jeans..

When I was asked what I was I answered "a Premature Ejaculation!".

My colleague replied with "What? .. I don't get it.. you're just wearing a pear of jeans.."

To which I said "Yup, I just came in my pants".

My friends and I were arguing about which of the Deathly Hallows was best: Cloak, Elder Wand or Resurrection Stone.

Upvote for invisibility.

Why can’t witches have babies?

Their husbands have hallow-weenies.

What is God's name?

Hallow....hallowed be thy name....

Why couldn't the boy ghost get the girl ghost pregnant?

Because he had a hallow-weenie.

Halloween Pickup lines

I can't find a costume for Halloween, so can I just go as your boyfriend?

Your costume looks complicated. Need help taking it off?

You’re such a treat that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

You're the most boo-tiful ghost I've seen all night!

You look so good, ...

About to go to Arlington National Cemetery with my family

Me: “Arlington - our nations most hallowed ground”
Dad: “actually I think the Grand Canyon is our nations most hallowed ground”
Me: “the ultimate dad joke - happy Father’s Day haha”

What did the christian say to the ladies at the gym?

Hallowed be thy gains

Beer Prayer

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarcerati...

A preacher in the Wild West, ...

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, c...

A man is walking in a storm, alone and lost. He then comes upon a Monastery.

Having no place to go, the poor man approaches the wooden desolate door of the old Monastery and knocks upon the door. The door opens to a rather withered old Monk, who greets the man. “I am the Head Monk of this monastery. Can I help you?” The man asks for refuge overnight and is taken up into the ...

The Trids and the Rabbi

Once there was a rabbi who was a happy hermit living by himself in some hills far away from anyone else. It wasn’t that he didn’t like people, he just found that being alone was satisfying.

Every day, the rabbi would walk through the woods in the hills. So familiar with the woods was he that ...

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