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Solitaire Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three inmates on the way to prison…

Three inmates were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended t...

Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually...

It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for solitaire.

Today, May 22nd, is National Solitaire Day.

I sent myself a Hallmark card honoring the event.

I've been trying to learn to play solitaire, but I can't finish a single game!

You'd think it would be easier, since my deck is already missing six cards.

Why does Batman love playing Solitaire?

Because there is no Joker.

What was the deck of playing cards sentenced to after committing a felony?

Solitaire confinement.

I’m stuck in quarantine all alone with a deck of cards.

I guess you could say I’m in solitaire confinement.

stranded on a desert island

If I was stranded on a desert island I would take along a deck of cards. Because everyone knows after about 20 minutes of playing solitaire someone will come up behind you and tell you you're doing something wrong.

Insanity defined

The definition of insanity is when you’re cheating at solitaire and a fight breaks out.

I was playing a game of solitaire, but I only had a pack of Tarot cards

I actually won, but 4 people died

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Employee Is Called Into His Manager's Office

The manager sits him down and says "I have reports you have been using your computer for non-work-related activities."

"No sir, that simply isn't true," the man said.

"I have a lot of complaints about it though," the manager replied, unconvinced. "People say they see you playing solita...

If you are ever lost in the woods...

Just start playing a game of solitaire and someone will appear behind you with guidance on your next move.

When the computers crash at work.

A wife asks her husband how his day at work went. “It was awful,” the man explains, pouring himself a stiff drink. “All of our computer systems shut down today so we had to do everything manually.”
“That sounds awful,” the wife consoles.
“You’re telling me,” he replies after a sip, “I had to k...

A man is in a plane crash and washes up on a deserted island...

He's there for weeks, and is nearly losing hope. Finally one day, a box floats up onto the beach: RESCUE KIT. He's ecstatically excited, thinking he's finally free. But when he opens it up, all there is is a deck of cards. He breaks down sobbing, thinking "How ridiculous! What kind of rescue kit is ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are on a bus going to prison. Each of them were allowed to bring 1 item from home.

3 guys are on a bus going to prison. Each of them were allowed to bring 1 item from home.

They're discussing what they are bringing with them to prison. The first guy says "well, I bought a deck of cards. I figure I can play solitaire when I'm bored, I can gamble to make money in there, and l...

The plan...

A middle aged woman has been conducting a long term affair with her lover for years. Her husband never knows because she tells him that she goes upstate one weekend a month to visit her elderly great aunt and take care of her. The husband wants nothing to do with such business and leaves her to it. ...

Desert necessities

“What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?” the Scout master asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.
“Yes, Davey, what a...

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