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Beauty Pageant Jokes

My wife won a beauty pageant in Alabama last night.

I was so proud. She and I also won the loveliest father and daughter of the evening too.

What do you call a beauty pageant for still-borns?

Little Miss Carriage

Beauty contests are becoming a popular way to promote things. For instance, the winner of the Trigonometry Club's beauty pageant was crowned....

Miss Calculation.

Tour Leader pageant winner:
Miss Guided

Encyclopedia Brittanica pageant winner:
Miss Information

The contestants of the Nashville beauty pageant enter the stage.

Infront of them is an audience of over 2000 and a judging panel consisting of one man, on his own, wearing an eyepatch.

Suddenly, the judge thrusts his arm out infront of him. He opens his hand out, and there, sitting in the middle of his palm is a bee staring intensely at the contestants on ...

Why did the nuclear waste worker enter the beauty pageant?

Because he was glowing.

The woman who injected her 8-year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.

The child didn't look surprised.

I was at a beekeeper beauty pageant the other day.

Their slogan was "beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder."

I’m thinking of starting a beauty pageant for women with Alzheimer’s.

The winner will be crowned Miss Remember.

They held a beauty pageant for all those Fox News blondes...

And named the winner "Miss Information".

My sister-in-law accidentally won a beauty pageant for vampire hunters

She's the new Miss Stake.

I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today.

Turns out it was a Miss Steak.

When I was hiking in the woods I stumbled upon a beauty pageant jamboree.

It was pretty in tents.

What's the difference between a circus and the Miss America beauty pageant?

One is a cunning array of stunts.

My daughter entered a toddler's beauty pageant in the south.

She won the Miss Sippy Cup!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

National American beauty pageants should only have 49 participating states

Because no self-respecting woman should wear a sign saying Idaho

I heard beauty pageant contestants use Vaseline to make it easier to smile.

I ate the whole jar and I’m still not happy.

Why were there only 49 contestants in the National Ebonics Beauty Pageant?

Nobody wanted to wear the sash that says "Idaho".

Did you hear about the model who thought she was going to a beauty pageant? Turns out it was a kidnapping.

She was Miss Taken

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A history professor is lecturing his class on changing beauty standards. He shows his class a black-and-white picture of a woman who is 4'10" and has very small breasts.

"This woman won several beauty pageants in the 1930s," says the professor. "Do you think she'd do very well in a beauty pageant today?"

"Definitely not," says one of the students.

"What makes you say that?" implores the prof.

"Well," says the student, "she's very, very old today...

Beautiful Russian Girl

My friend Dave just met this tall beautiful Russian girl and now they are getting married. We all knew her from college except for Dave. She looks like one of those models from a beauty pageant.

To give you an idea of her beauty, On a scale from 1 to 10 , she got a 12 inches surpise for him.

A Scottish man and his Korean wife take their daughter to the fair...

They walk around enjoying the sights, trying their best to blend in with the crowds. Their daughter sees a stage with a sign for a beauty pageant that says "Open entry, TRUE SCOTS ONLY!"

She drags her parents towards it, wanting to enter. They approach the official, asking how to sign her up ...

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