Why are the Rolling Stones always sad?

They can't get no satisfaction.

A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into a bank looking to get a loan, and goes up to the teller and sees her little name tag, wich reads "Patricia wack" then the frog says "my name's Kermit jagger, son of mick jagger, and I'm looking for a loan of $30,000"

And the teller says "Wow, that's a lot, do you have anyth...

Why did Microsoft license "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones?

Because their software makes a grown man cry.

Was cleaning out our attic today when I found a dusty old Rolling Stone Magazine. One of the articles was about the late great singer Sam Cooke and had a photo of his report card from school.

History ~ Incomplete

Biology ~ Incomplete

Science ~ Incomplete

French ~ Incomplete

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say, "Hey you, get off of my cloud!" A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What's a rolling rolling stone?

Mick Jagger in a wheelchair

I’m in a band. We do covers of Stone Sour, Stone Temple Pilots, and The Rolling Stones.

We’re a rock band.

I'm working on a "rock opera" adaptation of The Wizard of Oz that would employ the songs and sounds of the best British artists, including the Rolling Stones, Jessie Ware, Mumford & Sons, the Verve, David Bowie, and Radiohead.

It's called "Mum-Ware Stone-Verve the Rade-Bow."

Everyone’s heard The Rolling Stones song that says “Hey, you, get off of my cloud”

Less well known is the Irish version, that goes “Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe”

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My art teacher says that i am obsessed with The Rolling Stones and told me to stop painting their logo in her class.

So i Paint It Black

Yesterday, I called a local radio station to request "I'm Free" by The Rolling Stones. However, they played a song of the same title by The Who.

You can't always get what you want.

It's all right to tell jokes about the Rolling Stones.

In fact, it's a gas.

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Rolling Stones songs.

I told her - you can't always get what you want.

Styx and The Rolling Stones

I think Styx and The Rolling Stones should’ve toured together

They could’ve called it the Break Your Bones Tour

Why is it appropriate that the Rolling Stones let their song “Start Me Up” be used for a Windows 95 commercial?

Because it contains the lyrics “You’d make a grown man cry.”

What are the Rolling Stones better at than the Bee gees?

Stayin' Alive

I wish my parents ran when they heard The Rolling Stones.

Now they're stuck under a pile of rocks.

How would the Rolling Stones have been different if Mick Jagger had been from Scotland instead of England?

Instead of "Hey You, Get Off Of My Cloud," it would have been, "Hey McLeod, Get Off Of My Ewe!"

I remember when The Doors and The Rolling Stones played soccer together.

The final score was Five to One.

What’s Sisyphus’ least favorite band?

Rolling Stones

A Frog goes into a bank to get a loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
...

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A frog goes into a bank to get a loan. The frog hops up on the counter and the lady at the counter introduces herself.

Mrs. Wack “Hello my names Mrs. wack what do you want today?”

Frog “ I want a loan”

Mrs. Wack “I don’t know if you can get a loan. You’re a frog. What’s your name?”

Frog “Kermit”

Mrs. Wack “You’re not Kermit the frog.”

Kermit “ No No No, I was named after him. My na...

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house

They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry). When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said "They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más."

Good old #162, the Frog Joke

Patricia Whack, a bank teller, was having an unusual day: a frog had appeared in front of her teller and asked in perfectly elocuted English, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to obtain some credits from your establishment, on consideration of this blue marble elephant as collateral."

Ms. Whack knew immed...

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A Frog Walks Into a Bank

A frog walks into a bank, and sees the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. The frog says, “Hi Miss Whack, I’d like a loan of $50,000 for a vacation. You see, my name is Kermit Jagger, and my dad is Mick Jagger.” Surprised at the situation, Patricia replies, “Uh, well sir, I’m going to need some sort of...

There was once a woman called Patricia Whack

She worked in a bank and generally dealt with secured loans. One day she calls for her next appointment when a frog hops into the room and sits on the chair opposite her. Confused, she asks "Can I help you?"
"Yes," says the frog "Kermit Jagger, I'm here for a loan, uh 100k please"
Patty is ta...

A frog walks into a bank...

So, one day a frog walked into a bank. He hopped on over to a teller and quickly eyed her name tag: Patricia Waak.

Frog: Good morning, Miss Waak. Such a lovely day outside, isn't it?

*teller just stares at him, because, well, he's a FROG.*

Teller: Uh, yes. Yes it is. How can I h...

A frog goes into a bank

“What can I help you with?” asks the Teller.

“I’d like to apply for a loan” says the frog.

“Oh” says the Teller “you need to speak with our Loan Officer, Miss Whack”.

The Teller leads the frog to Miss Whacks office and, informs her that the frog wants to apply for a loan. “What ...

A frog walks in to a pawn shop

And the owner, an Irishman named Paddy Mac, greets him. The frog takes out a small figurine, places it on the counter, and asks how much he can get for it. Paddy responds that he can’t give the frog anything for the cheap little tchotchke. The frog says, “But this *is* valuable; it was given to me b...

A frog walks into a bank for a loan...

A frog walks into a bank for a loan and is greeted by the teller.

“Well goodness me! In all 30 years of working here I’ve never once seen a frog come in! How can I help you today?”

“Well ma’am, I’ve come in for a loan.”

“I see. I can definitely help you begin the process for th...

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A frog goes into a bank for sizable a personal loan.

He finds himself at the desk of a man with a name plate that reads "J. Paddywack: Sr. Loan Officer"

Paddywack says, "This is quite an amount you're asking for Mr..."

"Richards," the frog says, "My dad, Keith, said you'd be able to help me."

"Um...yes. Do you have any collateral?...

A frog goes into a bank

He hops up on the desk of the loan officer.
''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?'

The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form....

A frog walks into a bank.

The frog hops up on the counter of the nearest available teller and says "I want a loan."

Confused, the teller asks for the frog's name.

"My name is Kermit Jagger, son of Rolling Stone's legend Mick Jagger, and I want a loan" he says. "And what is **YOUR** name?"

"My name is Pat...

A frog goes Into a bank

A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the teller. He sees the tellers name tag read Patricia Black and says

"I'd like to take out a loan, Mrs. Black"

"Certainly," says the teller, "how much would that be for?"

"One million dollars." replies the frog. "Don't worry, it's ok, I...

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller

He sees from her nametag that the woman working at the counter is named 'Patricia Wack'.



"Hello Patricia." the frog says politely. "I'm here today because I'd like to borrow $200,000"



Patricia does a double-take, and looks at the frog incredulously.



"Y...

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A frog walks into a bank to apply for a loan

He addresses the teller by the name on her name badge and says "excuse me, Ms. Whack. I need a loan."

She says "Holy shit, a talking frog!"

"Actually my name is Kermit. And I need a loan."

"You're Kermit the frog?"

"No but I was named after him. My dad is Mick Jagger. He...

A frog walks into a bank

He’s greeted by the receptionist “good afternoon sir, welcome to first national bank, my name is Patty Zwack, how may I help you?”. “Hello Patty, I would like to apply for a loan” said the frog. “Well” said Patty “we usually require collateral, something valuable we can retain if you fail to repay t...

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A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into the bank and points at the nearest teller. "You! What's your name?"

"It's Patty," says the teller.

"Last name?"

"Whack. Can I help you?"

"Yeah," the frog says. "My dad is Keith Richards and you're gonna give me a loan. I need $3,000 before I leave to...

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A Frog Walks into A Bank

Patricia (Patty) Mac worked as a loan officer for a bank. One day a frog walks into her office.

“How may I help you” Patricia asked.

The frog replied, “I would like to take out a $20,000 loan”.

“You, a frog, wants a loan”?

“Yes, please”.

Patty runs his credit ...

There's this girl named Patty-Whack who works in a bank.

One day, a little green frog comes in, reminiscent of Kermit the frog. He's carrying a tiny pink elephant in hands, and walks up to Patty-Whack.

"Excuse me miss, I would like to apply for a loan. I won't be able to pay it back, but I can offer you this elephant statue in exchange. It's worth ...

A frog goes to get a bank loan.

He hops up on the desk of Patricia Whack, one of the bank employees, and says, “I want to borrow $500,000.”

Patricia says, “Well that’s a lot!”

Frog says, “It’s okay, my dad’s Mick Jagger.”

“That’s nice,” Patricia answers, “but if you want to borrow that much, the bank needs som...

A toad comes in for a loan...

Paddy Wack worked at a bank. Once on a busy winter morning, a toad came into the bank asking for some money.

The toad asked for a small loan, about $200. Paddy Wack asked him if he had ever taken out a loan before, and he said no.

Paddy wack said; “Mr. Toad, you have no evidence that...

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During the 60’s Michael Caine hosted some really wild parties. At one such party he had all the coolest people there, taking drugs, drinking and having a crazy time.

‘Alright jim’ he said to Jim Morrisson ‘are you and the boys enjoying the party?’. ‘Yeah its great, man’. ‘Well its going to get better. Ive got a girl in the bedroom who will suck all your dicks’ said Caine ‘Really? That’s great!’ replied Morrisson. So he and the band went into Michael’s bedroom....

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A woman named Patty Black finally gets her dream job at the bank

She is told to handle loans, but to get the manager is the loan was strange or asking for an excessive amount of money. After an entire day of nobody approaching her, somebody asks for her attention. It takes her a while to realize, but it is a frog in a suit sitting on the chair in front of her boo...

A frog goes to the bank wanting to take out a loan...

...he goes up to the counter and starts talking to the clerk. Her name tag reads “Patricia Wack” so he says “ Mrs. Wack I would like to take out a line of $10,000.” Mrs. Wack looks at him skeptically and says “I’m going to need your name and account number as well as collateral for the loan.” The f...

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...

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How do Oedipus and Sisyphus greet each other?

- Yo, rolling stone!

- Yo, motherfucker!

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The year is 2100. Earth has been ravaged by a variety of natural and man-made disasters. All the flatlands are now seabeds after the ice caps have melted. Most of the planet's land is barren wasteland. Barely any oxygen is produced, and most animal life has died out.

All you can hear is cockroaches and The Rolling Stones 2100 Tour.

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A frog walks into a bank looking to get a loan.

He walks up to the first teller available, Mrs Whack.
“Mrs Whack, I would like a loan”
“But you are a frog!?!”

“Yup, I just need a small loan though, I just want to buy my own lily pad.”

“Okay, well what is your name?”

“Kermit”

“You aren’t Kermit the fro...

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A frog wants to get a loan

A frog goes into a bank and speaks to the teller about getting a loan. The teller, Mrs. Whack, brings him over to a desk where they can discuss.

"So, what will this loan be for?"

"It's to buy my father a new stereo. He's super into rock & roll."

"Not to be intrusive, but you...

A talking frog walks into a bank

and sees his favourite teller lady, patty mack, as he approaches the counter.
"I need a loan" he says, as the woman is wondering how on earth this frog is talking to her.
"How are you talking to me" she asks in disbelief.
The frog replies, "im the lovechild of kermit the frog and Mic...

So this frog goes into this Bank

He walks up to the counter and says "I'd like to take out a loan". The bank teller, who's name is Patty, argues with him, saying; "I cant authorize that, you're a frog, you don't have any collateral we can claim against you in the event of you not paying us back". The frog says; "look Patty, my dad ...

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The bastard frog love child of Mick Jagger

On a wild drunken night after one of his gigs, Mick Jagger gets involved in a really kinky and depraved orgy. Amongst the participants that crazy night was a party loving groupie frog called Freya.
A couple of months later, Freya noticed that one of her new little tadpoles was quite different t...

If you took ecstasy and smoked pot

You'd be a rolling stone.

A frog goes to the bank to get a loan...

A frog goes to the bank to get a loan, walks up to the teller, sees her name tag and says politely "Hello Ms. Pattywack I would like to take out a loan." She asks him his name and he replies "Kermit McJagger". She then asks him if he has any collateral and he places a small elephant statue on the ta...

A frog walks into a bank to get a loan...

He goes up to the lady behind the counter, and noticing her name tag, the frog says, "Hi, Mrs. Whack. I'd like to take out a loan."

She says "Well I don't know. We don't normally give out loans to frogs."

The frog says "Well, I want a loan."

She says "alright, well what's yo...

Why didn't Mick Jagger pick Randy Moss up from the airport?

Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

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Expensive cars and their radios.

A lady bought a new $130,000 Mercedes-AMG GT car and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she ...

Home Loan Troubles

So one day Kermit the frog decides that he wanted to buy this new condo by the beach. He goes into the nearest bank and strolls up to the counter. In front of him there was this teller with name badge blaring "Paddywhack".
Kermit says "I want a loan". She goes through usual procedure then asks hi...

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My favorite Banking joke

One day a frog goes to the bank. You see he has this great idea for a company, and despite being from quite the wealthy family, he wants to get the loan himself. Something to prove himself and his worth, you know? So he steps on in to the bank and visits the loan officer, a Miss Paddywhack.

S...

Mick Jagger was awarded for his lifetime achievement in music industry for over 55 years.

He didn't have a date to the ceremony so Kate Moss, who was a huge fan of Mick, volunteered to be with him for the night. It was decided that he'll pick her up from her hotel. On the evening of the ceremony Mick didn't pick her up and went straight to the ceremony alone.


Apparently a rol...

Bank Loan

A young girl, named Patricia Wack, starts a new job as a loan officer at the bank.

A frog walks in an asks her for a loan, she looks at him for a moment amazed that a frog could talk but proceeds professionally.

He needs five hundrded dollars for a new business venture and is willing...

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Frog joke

A frog goes into a bank in search of a loan. He approaches Patricia Wack who deals with the loans in this particular bank and says "Hi, I'd like a £10,000 loan as I am doing some home renovations". Patricia is a little bemused, as it is a frog asking for a loan, but she is a polite lady and so conti...

Frog gets a loan.

There once was a frog that belonged to Keith Richards. This frog went to the bank to get a loan. At the desk was a woman named Miss Pattywack. The frog says "I'd like to get a loan please". She replied "Well you're gonna need some form of collateral". The frog says "I don't have much, but what about...

So Mick Jagger has a pet frog...

The frog decides he wants to buy a nice boat and sail the Caribbean, but he needs to take out a loan to pay for it. So he goes to the bank and talks to Ms. Paddiwack, the personal banker, about getting a loan. He explains that he is Mick Jagger's frog and all about the boat. Ms. Paddiwack asks him i...

Kermit Jagger needs a loan.

Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.

Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went ...

A Frog Walks Into A Bank

and approaches the teller who's name is John Paddywack.

"I would like to take out a loan for $100,000" the frog declares.

Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says "Since you don't have any credit with this bank you'll need a cosigner."

"No Problem" says the frog "My father is ...

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Opporknockity, and a short collection of other terrible music jokes

Mr. Opporknockity is a superb piano tuner. He has spent more than 30 years honing his craft and has made quite a reputation for himself.

He got a call from a guy who had just bought a new grand piano and requested Mr. Opporknockity to come and tune it. Mr. Opporknockity spent more than 3 hour...

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There's this lady who works in a bank...

... her name is Patricia Wack, but all her friends and colleagues call her Pattie. She's very good at her job. One of those people who pays painful and pedantic attention to detail, does everything by the book, and is generally a bit annoying, but does a great job as a bank teller.


One da...

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Bit long, but one of the few work appropriate ones I know.

A frog named Kermit Jagger walks into a bank and up to the bank teller whose named Patty Wack.

Kermit: Hi there, I'm Kermit Jagger the son of the famous Mick Jagger and I would like a loan for $30,000 to buy a speed boat.

Patty Wack: Oh ok? Well do you have a down payment?

Kermi...

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