UPJOKE
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The Beatles Jokes

So The Beatles and their producer, George Martin, were in the studio......

Paul: Any ideas on how to end Hey Jude?

John: Nah

George: Nah

Ringo: Nah

George Martin: Nah

Paul: Perfect!

Did you know that Ringo Starr (drummer for The Beatles) had two daughters?

He named them, Anna One, Anna Two.

How did Redbull break up The Beatles?

It gave McCartney Wings.

Does a Swede listen to The Beatles?

No, but a Norwegian Would.

I met a chicken who was a fan of The Beatles today

He told me his number one thing on his bucket list was to meet someone named Abby.

When I asked him why, he said "I've always wanted to cross that road"

What's the beatles favorite element

Sodium

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would one of the Beatles say during an orgy?

Cum together, right now, over me.

What would The Beatles have been called if Ringo never joined?

The Beatless

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the Beatles at a group sex party

Fabfournicators

One a scale of number one to number ten, my obsession with the Beatles is

number nine, number nine, number nine...

Did you hear The Beatles were dead?

It's halfway true.

My Dad was a Musician who played with the Beatles all the time.

He had all their albums but that was his favorite.

What did people say when the Beatles broke up?

Ono

Did you hear that The Beatles once judged a singing competition?

They were the Hey-Judeicators.

The Truth About The Beatles

John was the brain

Paul was the heart

George was the spirit

Ringo was the drummer

What music didn't the Beatles invent?

Hip Hop, the weren't grasshoppers after all

What do you need for the reunion of the Beatles?

A pistol and two cartridges.

It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

What do you call the Beatles' drummer when in Mexico?

Gringo Starr

I feel sorry for the first drummer of the Beatles.

All he got was a stupid street named after him, while Ringo Starr got the love and affection of tens of women.

What did the octopus say to his girlfriend at the Beatles concert?

I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand...




Courtesy of my dad when I was 5.

The Beatles are sitting around a table in a diner...

And all of them are happily sat there with their arms around their wives, all except for poor old Ringo.

“Guys? I’m really getting the blues being all lonely here. How do you suggest going about getting a woman?” He asks, drumming his fingers on the table.

John is the first to speak up...

I hear The Beatles influenced the COVID19 treatment policy at Italian hospitals...

Live... Let Die... Live... Let Die...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a big fan of the Beatles, in particular Paul McCartney.

I made an account on the official Beatles website and made my profile picture an album of Paul McCartney throughout the years. However an admin told me I was going to be banned, I asked why and was shown the list of rules and the first was "Users are not allowed multipaul accounts."

Did you know the Beatles were known to partake in orgies?

They would always Come Together.

What is the Beatles' favourite social media site?

REDDIT BE

If The Beatles were from Hawaii...

What would they have called their song, "Hello Goodbye?"

I have become obsessed with collecting Beatles albums!

So far I've got 17 Revolvers, 8 Rubber Souls, 25 Sergeant Peppers, 6 Hard Days Nights, 12 White Albums, 14 Abbey Roads, 7 Yellow Submarines, 5 Let It Be's, 9 Please Please Me's, a couple of With The Beatles, 3 Beatles For Sales, and even a Magical Mystery Tour, BUT IT'S NEVER ENOUGH!

I NEED ...

What would it take to reunite the Beatles?

Two more bullets.

I found out about this cool underground band called The Beatles.

Well actually only about half of them are underground at the moment.

I've never been a fan of the song 'Hey Jude' by the Beatles.

The ending is just too salty.

Why do Flat Earthers hate The Beatles?

Because the Earth is round, it turns them off.

Shakespeare & The Beatles walk into a pub...

...Landlord says, "sorry mate, you're barred and those guys are banned".

What do you call the Russian version of The Beatles "Let It Be"?

So Be It.

Did you hear what happened to Jude from the Beatles song?

He died of a Sodium overdose.

Fun fact: taking a can of bug spray to my phone will delete half my music library

by killing all of The Beatles

TIL The Beatles song "Come Together" is about a bukkake party they attended

"Come together, right now... over me"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People keep talking shit about Ringo Starr's drumming.

But let's be honest: at his time in The Beatles, he certainly was in the drumming Top 4 of The Beatles!

Yo mama so stupid

She sprayed Raid on The Beatles

Why won't hipsters listen to the Beatles until Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney die?

Because they only want to listen to the Beatles when they're underground

(Taken from Cyanide and Happiness comics)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is in a bathroom stall having a shit when he hears the guy in the next cubicle singing.

"Hey," he says. "I know that tune. That's The Beatles."

"Very good," says the guy in the next stall.

"Would you like to hear some of The Stones?" he says.

The guy pauses, and says, "Yes, go on then."

"OK," he grunts. "Let me just push a bit harder."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s yellow and lives off dead beetles?

Yoko Ono.

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The Beatles have reformed and have brought out a new album. It’s mostly drum and bass.

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook’s right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of aging Rockstars are hanging out and comparing who has received the most impressive gift…

They are in Roger Daltrey’s house and he is showing off an exquisite pinball machine.
“This Custom Tommy Pinball Machine was given to me by the Prime Minister of Sweden. He loved Tommy so much he had it specially made. The balls and all the metal fixtures are made of real Sterling Silver!”
<...

Before the internet, things still went viral...

For example, The Beatles, among others, spread all over the world.

I guess you could say there were a few bugs going around.

I'm such a hipster...

I'm such a hipster that I won't listen to the Beatles until they're all dead. That way I can say I was a fan when they were underground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A manic depressive horse named John

There once was a manic depressive horse named John. He was drinking away his problems in a bar that was popular among the local animals because they didn't card. You see, ever since he was a young colt, John used music to deal with his emotions. He started off with a vinyl record of The Beatles' *Re...

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