All flights from John Lennon Airport are cancelled.

Imagine all the people.

John Lennon walks into his wife:

Oh no!

It's been scientifically proven that John Lennon did some much LSD in the 60s.....

That he fell in love with Yoko Ono.

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What did John Lennon say at the bukkake?

Cum together, right now, over me

Did you know John Lennon wrote a song for kids who avoid green vegetables?

Give Peas a Chance!

I’ve decided to sell all my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay

Imagine all the PayPal!

What's the difference between humans and a bullet?

Humans miss John Lennon.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the people living life in peace.

**ME:** That’s beautiful.

**CARL DOUGLAS:** Okay, now imagine they were kung fu fighting.

**ME:** No, you’re right, that’s better. Carl’s is better.

Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side...

I mean, imagine all the peepholes.

What do JFK, John Lennon and Donald Trump have in common?

Nothing. But a man can dream.

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John F Kennedy, Indira Gandhi, John Lennon...

History shows us that if you don't want your child assassinated, don't name them after a fucking airport.

The assassination of John Lennon is one of the biggest tragedies in music

Not even one of the five bullets hit Yoko Ono

In an insane asylum one night, someone cried "I am John Lennon!"

His caretaker said, "How do you know?" The patient said, "God told me!" Just then, his roommate shouted,
"I did not!"

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My claim to fame is that I once met John Lennon on a train when we were both young men.

"John," I said. "Can you imagine all the people sharing all the world?"
He thought about it for a minute, then shook my hand. "Thank you," he said, "one day I might just write a song about this moment."
And he did, the rarely heard album track "Some Random Cunt I Met On A Train One Day".

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John Lennon at the pearly gates...

St Michael looks at him and says, “I know you don’t I?”
Lennon shrugs and says that it’s possible, yes. St Michael nods and asks where he would know him from. Lennon drawls, “Well, I used to be in a band, you know?”
St Michael asks the name of the band and Lennon replies, “It was a little beat...

What did John Lennon say when he first arrived at the Door section of Home Depot.

Imagine all the peep holes.

How does John Lennon practice playing in front of large crowds?

He imagines all the people.

"Love me do" was written by John Lennon...

After he got a really nice haircut

So a walrus walks into a bar,

All of a sudden everyone starts freaking out and screaming “It’s John Lennon! He’s alive!”

What did John Lennon say when he got egg shells in his cake?

Yolko Oh-no

What was John Lennons final hit?

The pavement

Why was John Lennon shocked when he got his wife's gynecologist bill?

He had misunderstood the doctor when he said "I do probe Ono."

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A Woman goes to a tattoo Artist

“On my right inner thigh, I want a tattoo of John Lennon,”she says. “On my left inner thigh I want a tattoo of Paul McCartney.” The tattoo artist agrees to it and they settle on a price and a day to do the piece.

The day finally comes and the woman arrives early. Although she’s super excit...

Did you hear that they exhumed the body of John Lennon?

All they found was a dead beetle...

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Tattoo Artist

A lady walks into a tattoo parlor and asks the artist to tattoo John Lennon and Paul McCartney on each of her inner thighs... The artist did his work, bandaged her up and told her to remove them the next week. The lady came back into the store angry as she felt neither tattoo looked like John or Pau...

A woman goes to a tattoo parlor to get her two favorite musicians on her inner thighs...

The tattoo artist finishes up and she is ELATED to see a picture-perfect tattoo of John Lennon on her left inner-thigh and Paul McCartney on her right.

As she walks out, she is so excited to share her new artwork that she goes up to the first person she sees; an old, homeless, wino sitting in...

Lucy, In the Sky, With Diamonds…

John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player…

I like music by underground artists

Like Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson, John Lennon, Bob Marley and Prince.

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A billionaire decides to build a palace

A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the 60’s together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting the palace is finally finished. It’s perfect – marble, chandeliers, and concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the billi...

Where are all the old Beatles records stored?

The Lennon closet.

Rock and Roll Joke

Kurt Cobain dies and when he opens his eyes, he's in a big practice hall. Looking around he sees Cliff Burton tuning up, Jimi Hendrix and John Lennon warming up on microphones and adjusting their guitar straps to fit, and Jerry Garcia messing with his pedal steel guitar.
Kurt ambles over to Jerry...

Bruce Springsteen...

after a long successful life finally dies and goes to Heaven. St Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and says, "Bruce! We're so glad you're finally here! God's a big fan, you know."

Bruce, of course, is flabbergasted. "Really?"

"You bet! In fact, he's arranged to have the whole E ...

A homeless man goes to a fortune teller...

A homeless man who spends his days street performing on an old guitar for some loose change decides to spend the money on a fortune teller one day.


The fortune teller tells the homeless man that she has good news and bad news for him. The homeless asks to hear the good news first. ...

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