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Barnyard Jokes

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(NSFW) A horse and a baby chicken were playing in the barnyard...

...when the horse fell into some quicksand. The baby chicken, wanting to help his friend, goes to find the farmer for assistance but he’s nowhere to be found. The baby chicken finds the farmer’s Aston Martin in the garage, however, so he backs it up to the quicksand. He then ties some rope around th...

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Barnyard Blues

There’s this horse in a barn and he’s watching TV and he sees a rock band playing music so he calls up a music teacher “Hey, I wanna learn to play guitar, there’s only 1 problem I’m a horse” music teacher says “no problem I can teach anyone anything” 2 months go by and horse is shredding it on the g...

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A dirty Easter Joke,,,

A rooster wakes up early Easter Sunday morning. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. He takes a look at the eggs, takes a look at the hens, ta...

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's b...

How does the cow own the dance floor at barnyard parties?

He's got the moos like Jagger.

What do you call barnyard fowl staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

My wife and daughter made up this joke.

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Barnyard antijokes, written by an AI

Q:
What's the difference between a horse and a duck?

A:
A horse has legs but a duck has feathers.

Q:
Why do elephants play hide-and-seek?

A: They don’t have to worry about winning.

Q:
How much is a cow worth?

Answer:
100 Pounds.

Q: ...

Why do barnyard animals make for more reliable friends?

They’re stable

Barnyard Tales

A salesman gets lost in the country one night and sees he’s low on gas. He sees a light on in a farmhouse and decides to stop and ask for directions. The farmer who answers the door listens to his request for directions but instead says to the salesman, “Why don’t you just stop for the night and sta...

What do you call a barnyard revolt?

A chicken coup.

which is the most negative animal in the barnyard?

the horse, because its a naysayer.

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barny...

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The horny rooster.

A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmer’s hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore, he is worried. Next morning,...

Went to visit my farmer friend and noticed a three-legged pig in the barnyard...

When I asked him what happened he said, “A couple of years ago, we had a fire in the cellar and that pig went to squealing and screaming and raising holy hell to wake us all up in time. Saved all our lives.

“Then, last summer, that pig saw a rattlesnake was sneaking up on little Timmy as he w...

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Once upon a time, there was a little sparrow who decided to be different from all the other birds by not flying south for the winter.

Needless to say, it soon got so cold that the little bird reluctantly started south anyway. A storm blew in, the little bird grew cold, and ice formed on his wings which caused him to fall to the ground in a barnyard. A cow wandered by and shit on him. This may seem terrible, but it warmed the po...

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...short story..

Last night I was watching an old Stalone / Banderas / Moore movie - Assassins, where Julianne Moore is telling a nice and old story that is worth following...

Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so c...

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

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A horse begins learning the guitar as a teenager

A horse begins learning the guitar as a teenager. He was dealing with depression at the time, and learning an instrument was exactly what he needed to help him cope. You see, he didn't know it, but he had bi-polar depression. This means it was a chemical thing; he couldn't get out of it easily. So t...

Rob and Samantha ...

Rob and Samantha Henders just got married but they were having some communication issues – that’s a nice way of saying they were fighting. One day, they were in the car driving down a country road, each not saying a word after a particularly intense fight.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and p...

Star Trek: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Captain Kirk: "To boldly go where no chicken had gone before!"
Spock: "At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do."
McCoy: "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a barnyard psychologist!"
Scotty: "Because it couldna change the laws o' physics!"
Computer: "Insufficient data."

D...

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Horse and Chicken were standing in farmer Brown's yard. [Long]

Horse was standing in the biggest puddle of mud you ever did see, not paying attention to anything. Before he knew it, he had sunk up to his haunches and couldn't get out.
"Help me Chicken!" He cried. "Go get Farmer Brown to pull me out with his tractor"
"Can't!" Squawked Chicken. "Farmer Brow...

A young man visiting a ranch went out walking with...

...one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."

The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' "

"Heard what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a b...

A Blonde A Brunette and A Redhead trespassed onto a farm

later a farmer came to chase them out so they all went hiding in the barnyard. The redhead hid with the pigs and said "oink" "oink", the brunette hid with the cows and said "moo" moo", and the blonde hid under a potato sack and said "potato" potato"

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Corporate Lesson #3

A bird is late to fly south for the winter, and when his wings start to freeze, he lands in a barnyard. The bird is pretty irritated (an angry bird, perhaps) with his situation - when all of a sudden a cow shows up and takes a huge crap on him.

At first, the bird becomes even more upset, b...

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Once upon a time...

A horse lived on a farm with a pig, a sheep, and a cow. Now these were no ordinary barnyard animals - for they were bestowed the miracle of Disney animal anthropomorphism - subsequently, the farmer was very happy to have these animals in his posession and the people who came afar to see them made hi...

That's some pig

A salesman for Case New Holland is making the rounds one day when he drops in on a farm he’s never been to before. As he pulls into the farmyard, a large pig in the pen by the barn catches his eye. He wanders over for a closer look and to his astonishment he sees that the pig has a wooden leg! As h...

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