Why does cesium decay into barium and not the other way around?

Because once you barium you can’t cesium anymore!

Why do they call Helium, Curium and Barium the three medical elements?

Because if you can't Helium or Curium you Barium! \^\^

A world renowned chemist dies.

A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"

Yttrium-barium-copper oxide walks into a bar

The bartender tells him, "We don't serve superconductors here."

He leaves without resistance.

What do you do with a chemistry teacher when they die?

You barium

What do you with a dead chemist?


Iodine accidentally killed Xenon

Panicking, it asked its friend Cesium what to do with the body, to which Cesium responded:


Ya'll seem to like puns, so:

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

• I changed my iPod’s name to Tita...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

"I threw my neighbor into a nuclear reactor and now he's dead. What should I do?!"


Why can't chemists dogs' ever find their bones?

Because they barium

What do you do with a sick chemist?

First you try helium,then try curium,but if that doesn't work.You barium

A doctor is operating on a patient.

He says to his assistant: “Helium please” so the assistant wheels over a tank of helium.
The doctor proceeds to put a mask on the patient so he can inhale the gas, but the patient doesn’t respond to the treatment.

The doctor turns to his assistant again. “Curium please”. And the assistant...

Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium

Barium astatine manganese!

What do we do to a scientist after he/she dies?

We Barium.

Let's take all these bad chemistry jokes

and barium

Doctor: I'd give him Lithium for his severe depression.

If that doesn't work, Barium.

What do you do when a scientist is sick?

If you can’t helium, you might as well barium!

I stole this from some dude on the discord, her username is Amalgamate_UnderplayChara. (On discord)

I hate chemistry jokes...

I wish we could just dig a hole and Barium

Carbon and Helium were having a conversation.

Carbon: “ And then I said, Barium!”

Osmium walks into the room.

“What’s so funny guys?”

Carbon whispers to Helium: “Don’t tell him. He’s too dense to get it.”

A chemist walks into a bar...

He sees a group of other chemists who he works with and says to both the bartender and the chemists, "Gentlemen, tonight, all the drinks are on me!"

The chemists woo and cheer as the bartender says, "Wow, well you must have had a good day at work today then."

"Fantastic!" the chemist r...

Gentlemen...BEHOLD! Puns.

What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!!

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Acr...

Chemistry joke thread?

I'll start:
I was at -273.15°C one time. It was OK.
What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium

I'm sorry guys there really are no good chemistry jokes: all the good ones argon.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

I have no idear.

What do you do with a dead chemist?


Anyone who has any simple, stupid jokes like these please put them in the comments. :) I just started a new job and stupid little jokes are perfect for breaking the ice.

What's a banana made of?

One part barium, two parts sodium.

Hear are sum morre punny science jokes

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.

The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.

Chemistry puns Im in my element.

What do you do with a dead chemist?

Ion-estly cant think of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chemistry Puns

What do you do with a dying chemist? If you can't helium, you might as well barium. That joke was quite the knee-slapper, wasn't it. I certainly slapped my neon that one. It was just so-dium funny. Why do chemists like high altitudes? The views arsenic. If you're not laughing yet, don't worry. I'm o...

A Doctor and A Chemist

A doctor and a chemist are chatting in a hospital. The doctor talks about how he's having trouble with a patient, to which the chemist replies,"Well, if you can't Curium and you can't Helium, then you might as well Barium."

What is the chemical composition of banana?

Barium disodium

What did iodine say to Xenon when caesium died?

Well, I guess we better Barium.

What's the flashes favorite element?


What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?


What does the chemistry teacher like to do with his dead bodies after he kills 'em?


What do you call an element found in the ground?


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