Why does cesium decay into barium and not the other way around?
Because once you barium you can’t cesium anymore!
Why do chemists call Helium, Curium, and Barium 'the medical elements'?
Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'barium'!
Yttrium-barium-copper oxide walks into a bar
The bartender tells him, "We don't serve superconductors here."
He leaves without resistance.
A world renowned chemist dies.
A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket? To which she replies "No, just Barium"
What do you do with a chemistry teacher when they die?
What do chemists dogs do with their bones?
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
a list of puns!
Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:
How do you throw a space party? You planet.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.
A scarecrow says,...
What is an undertaker's favorite element?
What do you do with a dead Chemist?
Ya'll seem to like puns, so:
• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.
• I changed my iPod’s name to Tita...
Iodine accidentally killed Xenon
Panicking, it asked its friend Cesium what to do with the body, to which Cesium responded:
Two scientist walk into a bar...
The first one says to the bartender:
“I’ll have an H2O”
The other scientist says:
“I’ll have an H2O too”
The second one dies.
The first scientist freaks out and asks the bartender what should they do, he replies:
*buh duh tssss*
"I threw my neighbor into a nuclear reactor and now he's dead. What should I do?!"
What do you do with a sick chemist?
First you try helium,then try curium,but if that doesn't work.You barium
Why can't chemists dogs' ever find their bones?
Because they barium
A doctor is operating on a patient.
He says to his assistant: “Helium please” so the assistant wheels over a tank of helium. The doctor proceeds to put a mask on the patient so he can inhale the gas, but the patient doesn’t respond to the treatment.
The doctor turns to his assistant again. “Curium please”. And the assistant...
Doctor: I'd give him Lithium for his severe depression.
If that doesn't work, Barium.
What do you do when a scientist is sick?
If you can’t helium, you might as well barium!
I stole this from some dude on the discord, her username is Amalgamate_UnderplayChara. (On discord)
I hate chemistry jokes...
I wish we could just dig a hole and Barium
A chemist walks into a bar...
He sees a group of other chemists who he works with and says to both the bartender and the chemists, "Gentlemen, tonight, all the drinks are on me!"
The chemists woo and cheer as the bartender says, "Wow, well you must have had a good day at work today then."
"Fantastic!" the chemist r...
Carbon and Helium were having a conversation.
Carbon: “ And then I said, Barium!”
Osmium walks into the room.
“What’s so funny guys?”
Carbon whispers to Helium: “Don’t tell him. He’s too dense to get it.”
Chemistry joke thread?
I'll start: I was at -273.15°C one time. It was OK. What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium
I'm sorry guys there really are no good chemistry jokes: all the good ones argon.
What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!!
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"
A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Acr...
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
I have no idear.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Anyone who has any simple, stupid jokes like these please put them in the comments. :) I just started a new job and stupid little jokes are perfect for breaking the ice.
Hear are sum morre punny science jokes
How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.
Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.
The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.
Chemistry puns Im in my element.
What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium
Ion-estly cant think of...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
What do you do with a dying chemist? If you can't helium, you might as well barium. That joke was quite the knee-slapper, wasn't it. I certainly slapped my neon that one. It was just so-dium funny. Why do chemists like high altitudes? The views arsenic. If you're not laughing yet, don't worry. I'm o...
What's a banana made of?
One part barium, two parts sodium.
A Doctor and A Chemist
A doctor and a chemist are chatting in a hospital. The doctor talks about how he's having trouble with a patient, to which the chemist replies,"Well, if you can't Curium and you can't Helium, then you might as well Barium."
What is the chemical composition of banana?
What does the chemistry teacher like to do with his dead bodies after he kills 'em?