What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

One goes Whack! “Dang!”, the other goes “Dang!” Whack!

How does the blind skydiver know he’s about to land?

The dog leash slackens.

(Credit: My blind sister.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a shitty golfer and a shitty skydiver?

The shitty golfer goes, \-WHAM!\- "FUCK!"

The shitty skydiver goes, "FUCK!" \-WHAM!\-

An avid skydiver dies in a skydiving accident.

At the funeral a friend approaches the widow.

"It was a tragic accident" the friend says, "but at least he died doing something he loved."

"Not really" replied the widow.

"I thought he loved skydiving" replied the friend

"Oh, he loved skydiving" said the widow, "He hated...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish Skydiver

Paddy was telling Mick about his first sky-dive.

When I got to the door of the plane I just couldn't jump so the 6ft 7inch black instructor unzips his fly and says: 'If you don't jump you're getting this baby right up your arse!' "

Mick asks: "Did you jump?"

Paddy replies: "A l...

How can a blind skydiver tell when he's about to hit the ground?

The leash goes slack.

A skydiver jumps out of a plane and soon discovers his chute won't open.

As he's plummeting to his death, he sees a man rocketing up toward him from the ground.

As the two men pass each other, the skydiver shouts, "Do you know anything about parachutes?"

The man says, "No. Do you know anything about gas leaks?"

A skydiver opened his parachute too late. He won’t be able to make it

Not with that altitude

My company makes parachutes for skydivers

We offer free refund for defective products but it seems like our customers are very generous about small mistakes.

Why did the skydiver prefer indoor skydiving?

He loved the rush of indoor fans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the last thing that goes through a skydiver's mind when his parachute fails to open?

His ass.

I wrote a joke about an inexperienced skydiver.

It didn't go down well.

A skydiver's parachute failed to open.

So he immediately pulled the ripcord of his reserve chute, and that failed to open as well.

As he was falling to the earth, he came across a guy that was flying up from the ground. So the skydiver that was going down yelled to the guy that was going up, "Hey, do you know anything about parac...

How a blind skydiver knows he's going to land?

Guide dogs leash gets loose

How did the blind skydiver know when he was getting close to the ground?

The leash on his guide dog went limp.

What do you call a Chinese skydiver?

Fall-Ling

What did the doctor tell the skydiver?

I'm afraid you have velocity. And it's terminal.

Why was the skydiver sad?

Deploying the parachute was such a drag.

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