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Skydiver Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a shitty golfer and a shitty skydiver?

The shitty golfer goes, \-WHAM!\- "FUCK!"

The shitty skydiver goes, "FUCK!" \-WHAM!\-

A skydiver jumps out of a plane

A skydiver jumps out of a plane.
20,000ft
18,000ft
16,000ft
He pulls on his ripcord.
Nothing happens.
14,000ft
12,000ft
He pulls his backup ripcord.
10,000ft
Nothing happens
8,000ft
6,000ft
4,000ft
Suddenly a man flies up to him ...

How does a blind skydiver know when he's getting close to the ground?

The leash goes slack.

How does the blind skydiver know he’s about to land?

The dog leash slackens.

(Credit: My blind sister.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish Skydiver

Paddy was telling Mick about his first sky-dive.

When I got to the door of the plane I just couldn't jump so the 6ft 7inch black instructor unzips his fly and says: 'If you don't jump you're getting this baby right up your arse!' "

Mick asks: "Did you jump?"

Paddy replies: "A l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Skydiving (long)

Once there was a man who decided to fulfil his lifelong dream and go skydiving. So he went to the airport and signed up for a class. Upon arriving for the class, he discovered that the teacher was an elderly Indian gentleman. (East Indian, not Native American)

"Good day, good day everyone and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between golfers and skydivers?

Golfers go *whack* "Shit!"

Skydivers go "Shit!" *whack*

Why did the skydiver prefer indoor skydiving?

He loved the rush of indoor fans.

An avid skydiver dies in a skydiving accident.

At the funeral a friend approaches the widow.

"It was a tragic accident" the friend says, "but at least he died doing something he loved."

"Not really" replied the widow.

"I thought he loved skydiving" replied the friend

"Oh, he loved skydiving" said the widow, "He hated...

I wrote a joke about an inexperienced skydiver.

It didn't go down well.

Why was the skydiver sad?

Deploying the parachute was such a drag.

What do you call a Chinese skydiver?

Fall-Ling

How a blind skydiver knows he's going to land?

Guide dogs leash gets loose

What did the doctor tell the skydiver?

I'm afraid you have velocity. And it's terminal.

A skydiver jumps out of a plane and soon discovers his chute won't open.

As he's plummeting to his death, he sees a man rocketing up toward him from the ground.

As the two men pass each other, the skydiver shouts, "Do you know anything about parachutes?"

The man says, "No. Do you know anything about gas leaks?"

A skydiver opened his parachute too late. He won’t be able to make it

Not with that altitude

A skydiver jumps from a plane

but nothing happens when he pulls his rip-cord. He pulls the cord on his secondary chute, but this too is broken. As he is hurdling toward the earth, he sees a man coming straight up toward him. ‘Hey!’ shouts the skydiver. ‘Know anything about parachutes?!’ ‘No!’ shouts the man. ‘Know anything abo...

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