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750 Jokes

If I won the Mega Millions valued at 750 million today, I would donate a quarter to charity.

Not sure what I would do with the other 749,999,999.75 dollars though.

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Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have?

Huge tits.


Stolen from sickipedia but I have seen it 5 times and it still makes me smile, just wanted to share

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A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: ‟Dark in here.”
Man: ‟Yes it is.”
Boy: ‟I have a baseball.”
Man: ‟That's nice.”
Boy: ‟Want to buy it?”
Man: ‟No, thanks.”
Boy: ‟That's my dad outside.”
Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?”
Boy: ‟$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happ...

A dying grandma tells her grandchild....

A dying grandma tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn'...

So a guy walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer

The loan officer comes over immediately.

“How can I help you, sir?” he asks.

“I’m going out of town on business for two weeks and need to borrow $5,000,” the man answers.

The loan officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.

So, the man ho...

“We’re rotating on the earths axis at 750 mph and revolving around the Sun at 67,000 mph, moreover we’re moving, in relation to other galaxies, at 490,000 mph...”

“So my question is Your Honour, in the strictest meaning of the word ‘speeding’, are we not all in a sense ‘guilty’ ? “.

Cardi B’s search on Spotify jumped by 750%

After Spotify introduced the ‘Don’t play this artist’ option.

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A woman is having an affair...

... with a man.

One day, her 14-year-old son hides in the closet to watch what they do.Surprisingly, the husband comes home and the wife hides her lover in the closet without realizing that her son is already in there.

Son: " Kinda dark in here."Man: "Yes."Son: "I have a baseball."Man:...

hurricane

A hurricane blew across the Caribbean. It didn't take long for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking without a trace. There were only two survivors: the boat's owner, Dr. Smythe and the steward, Marcus who managed to swim to the closest island. After reaching the deserted strip of...

The Golf Club Mobile Phone

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club when a mobile phone on a bench starts to ring. A man picks it up, engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
"Hello," He says,
"Honey, it's me," says a woman, "are you at the club?"
"Yes," replies the man,
"Well I'm at ...

Cat scan

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distres...

I’m pewdiepie’s biggest fan

I mean, 750 pounds is pretty big right?

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Young boy sneaks into his parents room while the mother was with her lover...

And hides in the closet to peek


But, the husband suddenly returns from his job


Lover jumps in the closet and meets the boy


Boy: -Its dark here

Lover: -Yeah

B: - Wanna buy my ball?

L: -No

B: - My father is right outside...

L: -How m...

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The Loan

Bob lent Bill $1000. Today Bill arrives at Bob's door. It's 10 am on a Saturday. Bob's wife answers wearing only a bra and panties. Bill looks her up and down and says, if you drop your top I will give you $250 in cash. She pauses for a moment to think it through and whips it off. Bill counts out ...

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A wet bet

A man walks from the billiard table to the bar in a pub. He says to the bartender with confidence: "I like to make a bet, that I can piss in a glass 5 meters(16 feet) across the room without spilling one drop!". The bartender laughs out loud and asks jokily: "Well how much will the bet be?" "500 eur...

George and Lou are enjoying a leisurely round of golf at their luxury retirement resort in Florida.

George says, "Lou, I've got to come clean. You know when I moved to this resort I told everyone I was a successful restaurateur in New Jersey? Well, the fact is, I ran a lunch cart for the last 50 years, never made any money, and it burned down. Insurance company settled with me for $500,000. I so...

A college lecturer asks his students who is poorer...

A man with $1000 but is $750 in debt, or a man with $250. The hall is silent for a moment, then a student stands up and answers

"Me."

$1000 Dollars Part 2

A woman is in the shower, and hears a ringing of the doorbell. Since her husband is not home she puts on a towel and goes to answer the doorbell. She finds her neighbor standing there. His expression shows he expected her husband, not a woman wearing only a towel, and he hesitates. A moment passes, ...

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