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A young girl started work in the village chemist shop.

She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.
The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would
be willing to run the shop on her own.
She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.
"Look," he said. "My regular customers do...

All this WFH time has led to a surprising discovery: I do my best work in the kitchen.

I'm counterproductive.

Every day I see my big-breasted neighbour doing gardening work in front of the house.

I really hope his wife tells him to put a shirt on someday.

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Rolls Royce.

Wow,” I said. “That’s an amazing car.”

He replied, “If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I’ll get another one next year!”

(Work in progress)What do you call a bunch of ravens pretending to be crows?

A conspiracy to commit murder!

Why are do many audiophiles work in the canning industry?

Because they can tuna fish.

Social distancing will never work in India because...

... by the time you are 6 feet away from one, you will be too close to another person.

My boss pulled up to work in a brand new Porsche.

I told him, “Wow! That’s a sick ride.”
He replied, “Hey, if you work hard for this company, put all your hours in and make stellar sales, I’ll buy another next year.”

A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach...

A school district superintendent, known for his fiery temper, visits a high school one day. He becomes so annoyed with the staff's incompetence that he yells without thinking, "Half of this school's staff is unfit to work in a high school!"

Naturally, everyone stops and stares as the superintendent. "I'm sorry," he says sheepishly. "What I meant to say was that half of this school's staff is *not* unfit to work in a high school!"

why do kgb agents work in groups of three?

one reads, another writes and the third keeps an eye on these 2 intellectuals

I've applied to work in a mirror store.

I hope I get it, I can really see myself working there.

So I work in a food store

I was told my jokes were a little cheesy before but I think their gouda. I moved to grocery and now their just corny. I just hope they aren’t jarring.

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I work in a hospital, and I found a rectal thermometer in my pocket today.

Some asshole must have my pen.

I turned down a job to work in a coal mine.

It's beneath me.

Why did the bunny work in the brewery?

he knew a lot about hops

An American doctor is doing aid work in an Afghan village.

A woman in the village gives birth to a white baby. The village leader goes to the doctor and says:

“Doctor I am no fool. You’re the only white man around for miles. That baby must be yours.”

The doctor is caught off guard and as he’s pondering what to say he sees a group of goats. Th...

A blonde goes to work in tears.

A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
She says, "My mom died." He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine." Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?" She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"

Homeopathy and prayers work in the same way.

They don't.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop...

It was sole destroying

My next door neighbour hasn't done an honest day's work in her entire life.

She's a politician.

I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers...

I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."

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Just started work in a record store.

A Shifty Looking Guy walks in and says. "got anything by The Doors"?

I said "yes 2 cameras and an alarm, now fuck off"!

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How do you announce the death of your ex if you work in a newspaper?

Via a no-bitch-uary.

(kill me)

New user: "How come my new printer doesn't work in Linux?" Linus: "You need the right driver."

"My chauffeur's outside."

What do you call a married couple who both work in a dispensary?

A joint-income household

My boss pulled up to work in his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied:

"Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit.

I just handed in my too weak notice.

I used to work in a sausage factory

Until I backed into a grinder and got a little behind in my work.

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It's strange to work in a hospital

You know, in one room there's a father holding his son for the first time, in another room there's a son holding his father for the last time. And then in another room there is a guy with a remote stuck in his anus. It's the circle of life.

Probably only amusing if you work in construction...

3 construction workers went on a hunting trip - a crane operator, a laborer, and a surveyor. The three spent a good hour walking through the woods, looking for the laborer's tree stand before they realized they were lost. Looking around, they had no way to figure out which way to go to get back to t...

We work in the dark to serve the light. What are we?

Electricians

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I'm a farmer. I work in southeast Michigan.

While hauling around a bag of manure to fertilize my crops, a cop came up to me.

He asked, "What's that?"

I reply, "Manure."

"Why are you carrying manure?"

"I'm using it to fertilize my crops."

"Do you have a license for that manure?"

"Why would I need ...

Years ago I won a tony for my work in the theatre, but year after year went by and my dull attempts to win another were in vain. Then, one day I wrote a play about how I changed my routine and began to lead an exciting life. For this I won another award.

You could say I’ve broken out of monotony

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Johnny and Susie are working in a factory

Susie says it's too nice outside to be inside working. So, she bets Johnny she can get the rest of the day off. He takes the bet just as the boss comes walking out of his office. Susie climbs up and hangs from the rafters just as the boss walks by. He asks what she's doing and she says I'm a light b...

I work in a crematorium and is tough.

You can never urn a living.

When I was a child I was forced to work in a German sausage factory.

It was the wurst experience of my life.

Olympic Gold medalist Picabo Street retired from sports to work in the hospital. A doctor has a patient in need of intensive care and cannot find her.

The doctor calls her station and she answers, "Picabo, ICU."

Why are people who work in a fish shop mean?

Their job makes them sell fish.

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Jack and Mary work in a corporate office building together.

Their boss has a dilemma, both are hard, diligent workers but the company's not doing so well, and cannot afford to keep both. He decides he's going to watch them both from his office one day, and whoever works the hardest will keep their job.


On Friday, he watches them all through the...

I used to work in a powdered soup factory, until I started coughing up little cubes of tofu...

I was forced to retire, after being diagnosed with Miso-thelioma.

In life, do any work in such a way that,

Next time, people should say “Don’t worry, I will do it”!

Just turned down a job offer to work in Seoul.

I think it would be a bad Korea move.

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Due to Coronavirus, the mine that I work in finally ran out of toilet paper.

Now we're in deep shit.

I work in retail, a married man made me laugh

Me: Hi sir, can I help you?
Him: Nah I'm just looking for my wife
Me: Oh sorry, we don't sell wives here
Him: Good! Else you'd get a lot of returns!

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After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

I work in a factory that makes Dracula figurines.

However, there are only 2 employees so I have to make every second count.

I used to work in a recycling plant, crushing cans.

But I had to quit, it was soda pressing.

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What would your thoughts be if your significant other wanted to work in the adult industry?

I would like to see her try to make a living out of having sex two times a year.

So I used to work in a keyboard factory

I got fired because I always lost CTRL and because of that I went HOME and lost a lot of SHIFTS. I guess F8 didn't want me to work there.

A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview. The interviewer asks him, “So, what experience do you have?” The lumberjack replies, “Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest.”

The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, “The Sahara Forest? Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?”

The lumberjack says, “Yeah, that’s what they call it now.”

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