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Wiggling Jokes

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A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very unexpectedly, the baby is born without arms. Or legs. Or even a body. It's just a head...

Nevertheless, the couple embrace their roles as parents and, as unusual as it is, they raise their baby, trying to make his life as normal as possible. Obviously, it's a struggle, but they manage... and they love and treat their son like any other normal kid. Well, as much as possible.

On the...

What do you call a legless, armless amputee wiggling around in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

How do you make an octopus laugh?

With ten tickles (while wiggling fingers)!

A farmhand hits a pig with his truck

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"

"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. ...

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Quickie

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I want to have sex with you right now!"

He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggle...

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Different sayings same thing

1. Having a threesome with a couple of no-shows.

2. DJ the VJ.

3. Dopamine farming.

4. Double clicking your mouse.

 5. Badgering the witness.

6. Summoning the semen demon.

7. Blood bending.

8. Shaking hands with the unemployed.

9. Making Jesus ...

A lobster trapper

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking Up the wharf carrying two at-least-three-pound live lobsters, one in each hand.

It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wig...

It was bedtime at Micheal Jackson’s house

Wade didn’t want to go to bed so MJ said ok how about I show you a magic trick first, will you go to bed after?
Wade agreed
They had a shower and sat on the edge of the bed in their gowns.
MJ Said ok now for the magic trick, come here and sit on my lap...
Young Wade sits on his lap. <...

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A man is ready to do it for the first time [NSFW]

He walks into a pharmacy late at night and goes to the counter, approaching the girl standing on the other side. "Do you have any condoms?" He asks her. "Yes, we have a few kinds. This is our best." She presents him with a blue box and says "Do you know how to use them?" He shakes his head. "Follow ...

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Four construction workers on top of a 50 story building are arguing over who has the longest penis...

One of them suggests they unzip and dangle over the side to see who has the longest.
The first guy proudly announces "All the way to the 33rd floor!"
The second guy responds "Ha!, 23rd floor!"
The third guy is smirking, thinking he has everyone beat. "12th floor!"
They notice the...

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A doctor and his wife were sun

A doctor and his wife were sunbathing on a beach when a well-endowed, beautiful, young, blonde woman in a tight-fitting bikini strolled passed. The woman looked at the doctor, smiled seductively, and said in a very sexy voice, "Hi there handsome. How are you doing?" before wiggling her backside and ...

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So a man is dying...

A man is dying, the doctors tell him. But the cure for his rare disease is strange... "The only way you'll live is if you start to eat things through your ass." The doctor said. "You're serious? That's gonna make me live? How embarrassing..." The man says. "Would you rather shove food up your butt, ...

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Two American business men in the 1980s are visiting Tokyo, Japan to make a business deal with an electronics company

Sadly the CEO (Mr. Yamoto) had an unexpected issue to deal with at one of his factories and couldn't see the men that day, but had his COO (Mr. Hagino) not only invite the two Americans to join them for a round of golf the next day to discuss business, but also to show them around and keep them ent...

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[NSFW] 3 presidents are speaking at a convention for deaf and dumb

The Chinese president steps up to the podium, decides to be creative and starts his speech with placing his 2 fingers on his forehead and the continuing in sign language. The Russian president asks him when he comes down, what the fuck was that in the beginning, you wiggling your fingers on your for...

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Three idiots, from the Midwest, I’ll have to call them idiots because their shenanigans were exactly that, idiotic...

Nothing to do with them being from the Midwest but more to do with the fact that they were midway into their cups.

One summer day as they lay in a field somewhere, taking in some sun, each with a half drunk bottle of wine in them they began to get bored.

Idiot No #1 says to idiots, #2 ...

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An old mechanic friend helps a drunk. (Kinda long, sorry.)

I was talking to this grizzled old mechanic friend one time, he looked like an old version of Yosemite Sam. Had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, sounded like an old cowboy, his big ol' handlebar mustache wiggling and twitching with every word. Suddenly he starts telling this story about how he ...

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