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What does sex and the U.S. Military have in common?

When you pull out at the wrong time you end up wasting 20 years and a lot of money

Just a schoolgirl waiting for her dad…

While waiting for my dad, two of the school janitors came outside and started smoking a joint.

When my dad saw us, he ran into the cloud of smoke, grabbed me by the arm and shoved me into the car!

“What’s wrong with you? Why are you angry at ME?” I protested. “I didn’t even do anything...

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The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday...

It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.


The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.


Doughboy is ...

The Washington Redskins are wasting their time with all this business about changing their name.

All they have to do is make their mascot a potato!

After observing that the employees are leaving the tap running and wasting water...

Just above the sink, the boss put a sign up in big bold letters 'THINK'

Next day, hoping that it would've gotten the message across, the boss heads straight to the same area to find the water still running and just above the soap dispenser, someone had put a new sign up in the same big bold l...

A census taker

An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

"What are you selling, young man?" he asked.

"I'm not selling anything, sir," the young man replied. "I'm the census taker."

"A what?" the man asked.

"A census taker. We...

I’m going for the Guinness world record for wasting other people’s time.

Thanks for helping.

Suicide stop

Back on June 9th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who...

I fired my wife from my own company for drinking on work AND wasting office resources.

You know how hard it is to find sperm donors these days?!

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Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit were walking in the woods...

They didnt like each other so much and were arguing the entire time until they found a magic frog.

The frog was surprised. \`No one ever found me before\` said the frog. \`As is, I now have to grant you three wishes each\`

Both the bear and the rabbit were delighted, and quickly stoppe...

Why are you wasting money on drinking ?

Wife:Why are you wasting money on drinking ?

Husband : Why are you wasting money on Beauty Parlors ?

Wife: It is for you only, so that I can look beautiful to you.

Husband : I am also drinking just for you , so that you look beautiful to me.

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A translated joke

A man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs.

The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just feed them whatever trash I have lying around".

The man is shocked, he says "Sir that is animal cruelty! I'll have to fine you 10000$!"

The next day another man approaches ...

While we are sharing terrible time wasting pun jokes... this is the worst one I have ever heard

A friend of mine told me this one some years ago. It is the worst joke I have ever heard in my life.

A mad scientist, up on his secret sea-side mountaintop lair, is working on a life extension serum. He has nearly perfected it, and is about to begin testing it on dolphins.

Unfortun...

I don’t see why people are mad at me for wasting paper

It literally grows on trees

My parents have been yelling at me that I'm wasting my life doing nothing but playing video games.

Luckily I have three lives left.

So, my New Year’s resolution was to stop wasting all of my money...

Man, it’s hard. I’m spent.

I got fired from the banana plantation for "wasting resources"

All i did was throw out the Bent ones

An engineering student, a geometry major, and a star basketball player are trapped on a desert island

They’re debating how to get off the island or get rescued. The engineering student looks around and sees only a few palm trees and some coconuts.

“We need to cut down the trees and make a raft to sail away on.” He says and starts designing.

“We need a basketball to pass the time.” Th...

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Don't waste your time

If you are arguing with your sex partner then you are wasting your fucking time.

Future is shaped by your dreams.

So, stop wasting time and go to sleep.

My dad just told me I should "stop wasting my life and do something meaningful"

Dad jokes, am I right?

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