Vultur Jokes - 60 Hilarious Vultur Jokes

A Young Vulture is sick of eating dead things and wants to be a vegetarian...

So he asks his parents whether they can start incorporating some vegetables into their meals.

His father is ashamed of him and says 'No'.

So the young vulture asks if he could bring a carrot to dinner and his mother and father tell him that he is a disgrace to the family and to put the...

The Prodigal Vulture

Several years ago, in a very flat place called Kansas, there were two vultures named Beaksly and his son, Red. Life for these vultures was pretty simple. Wait for a predator or car to plow into an animal, then swoop in and devour the dead body.

However, Red was rapidly approaching what would ...

Why wouldn't the airline allow the vulture to board his flight?

#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.

*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*

*edit: thank you for the gold benevolent stranger. :-)*

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A vulture boards a plane holding two dead raccoons.

The flight attendant stops him before boarding and says “sorry, only one carrion per passenger”

Why do vultures want to work as flight attendants?

Because they heard there are a lot of carrion bags.

A vulture on an airplane.

Why doesn’t a vulture eat the in-flight airline meal?

It eats its carrion…

A vulture walked into an airplane,

dragging some mangled roadkill in its beak. The stewardess looks down in distaste, and asks “Wouldn’t you prefer to put that in the checked luggage compartment?”
And the vulture said “No thanks. It’s carrion.”

A man was walking through the desert and passed a group of vultures feasting on a dead animal.

The vultures stopped eating and looked at him, obviously disturbed.

The man casually commented "Carrion."

A vulture is picking at some roadkill on the street

A cop comes up to the vulture and shouts, "Hey! What are you doing?"

Startled, the vulture responds, "I'm just eating here."

"Oh," the cop says, "carrion"

Are you a vulture?

Because I can't carrion loving you like this.

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As migration approached, two elderly vultures

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.

...

A man walked onto a plane, holding a vulture.

The stewardess asked "What the heck is that?"

He said "It's my carri-on luggage"

*sorry sorry sorry*

What is a vulture’s favorite song?

Carrion My Wayward Son

A vulture goes to the airport...

and walks up to the check-in counter. The receptionist asks “Do you have any bags to check?” He replies, “No, just cari-on!”

Why did the vulture cross the road?

Because the chicken didn't make it.

A vulture is going through customs and the attendant asked if he has any baggage to check in.

The vulture says, “No, just my carrion.”

I hit a vulture with my truck. It went flying into a patrol car in the oncoming lane.

The officer wrote me up for flipping him the bird.

A vulture and his wife are going on vacation to the Bahamas.

With many large suitcases packed, they arrive at the airport and saunter up to the check-in counter. The agent weighs, tags, and sends each bag off, until she notices one giving off a foul smell.

"Sir, are you checking this bag?" The agent asks.

"No, sorry, that's our carrion"

A vulture is walking down the jetway at the airport.

He has two dead badgers, one under each wing. The stewardess stops him and says, "I'm sorry sir, you're only allowed one carrion."

What kind of luggage does a vulture use for traveling?

Carrion bags.

Why was the vulture stopped by TSA?

Because carrion wasn’t allowed

Why did the vulture get kicked off the plane?

They didn’t allow carrion.

A vulture and his son

A long time ago, in a very flat place, there lived a teenage vulture named Red. He and his father were the only vultures around, and dined on the various animals that were hit by trucks on the highway. As most teenagers do, Red eventually got tired of his diet of dead things.

"Dad" he whined....

Why did the vulture go and buy a rifle?

He's impatient.

I shot a vulture.

It was a scavenger hunt.

A vulture arrives at the airport check-in. He's carrying a dead rabbit under one wing.

"Return ticket to Death Valley please."
"Pleasure trip?"
"Yup, sort of a u-pick kind of thing."
"LOL, very good! Ok, here you go. Are you checking the rabbit?"
"No, this is carrion."

A police officer comes across several vultures grouped together.

He gets closer to see what they're doing. It's obvious that they're eating a dead animal. The officer says, "sorry, carry on" and goes on his way.

A young vulture is tired of eating nothing but scavenged meat...

So he says to his father, "Dad, can't we eat something else for a change? I'd like to try some vegetables."

The father is outraged, claiming that vultures do not eat vegetables, that is not their way. But the young vulture doesn't give up. He asks again the next day, and the next, and the nex...

A vulture walks into an airplane with a rotting corpse.

The flight attendant screams, “You cannot bring that on this plane.” The vulture says, “It’s just my carrion.”

A sheriff gets a call regarding a group of suspicious birds gathered along the highway.

So he drives to the reported location and sure enough there’s a group of about 15 vultures all huddled in a circle just off the right lane. The sheriff gets out and walks over to the birds to see what they’re up to. As he approaches he calls out “hey fellas, mind if I ask what this meetings about?” ...

A vulture decided to fly south for the winter...

He was disappointed to learn that the airline would only allow one carrion per customer

What do you call a group of superhero vultures?

“The Scavengers”

A man passed a shop,where he saw a sign, "Magic Vulture for Sale"

Curious, the man walked into the shop and asked about the bird.

The salesman replied, "This vulture has special powers. Whenever you go shopping, bring it along, and the cashier will give you 90% off!"

"Really? How much does it cost?"

"A million dollars."

The man balked a...

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Everyone loves birds, but men and women have different favorite species of birds

For instance. Men have falcons, eagles, vultures etc as their favorite

But women have great .

Why do vultures find it easy to fly?

They only ever have carrion baggage.

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What do you call a team of superpowered coyotes, raccoons, and vultures?

The Scavengers.

A man walks into an airport with a pet vulture

He approaches the terminal gates, but airport security stops him.

"Your vulture has to be checked in, and shipped with the luggage." Security said.

The man replied "What do you mean checked in? This is my carrion bird."

A vulture boards a plane

A vulture boards a plane and sits in his seat. Almost immediately he pulls the smelliest, nastiest looking meat from a bag.

Seeing this the stewardess asks "sir, what is that?"

The vulture replies "oh this? It's just my carrion"

A Vulture Goes Through Customs at the Airport

So this vulture is returning home from an much needed overseas vacation. As she passes through the customs line one of the agents asks, "Do you have any checked luggage?" To which the vulture replies, "Nope, just carrion."

"Permission to continue eating this dead animal on the side of the road," said the young vulture to his supervisor.

"Carrion."

Did you hear about the vulture that became a priest?

He's a bird of pray.

What did the vulture police officer tell the gathering crowd about the roadkill?

Carrion people

So a vulture is in line to board a plane...

and he's got a deer carcass in his claws. The TSA agent turns to the vulture and says, "That deer carcass smells horrific, surely you are going to check it on?" The vulture looks at the agent, smiles and says, "Nope, it's carrion."

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A vulture tries to get on an airplane

A vulture tries to get on an airplane with a raccoon under each wing.

The pilot stops him saying, "Sorry, you're only allowed one carry-on."

Michael Keaton took roles like Batman, Birdman, and now the Vulture from the new Spider Man movie

I guess you can say he's a good wingman.

Talk about unfair. My friend's mom kicked me out of the birthday party when I'd clearly won the scavenger hunt.

She was all like "I don't care how many vultures you shot, get those things out of here!"

I wrote this joke, tell me what you think.

A vulture was boarding an airplane but was stopped at the gate and told he couldn't board. They said his carrion was too large.

My son & I got lost in the desert

We started arguing about which direction to go, and he stormed off in a huff.

An hour later, I came across his body, being eaten by a vulture.

Carrion, my wayward son.

A son, who had rejected his father's wish for him to follow in his footsteps as an ornithologist and left home as a young man, returns many years later. After dinner, the two go for a walk.

The son sees a large bird flying overhead. Out of a sincere desire to reconnect, he points it out, and says, "Father, is that a hawk?"

Understanding the gesture, the father does not want to correct his son by informing him that it is actually a vulture. Instead, he offers a hint.

"Ca...

I just went on a scavenger hunt.

Killed 3 vultures and a coyote.

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A farmer buys a to breed his hens...

The first day the fucks every hen of the farmer.
Needless to say the farmer is amazed.
The second day the fucks every hen plus the geese.
Needless to say the farmer is impressed and a bit worried about the ...
Then, at the evening of the third day the is laying motio...

A guy is driving down an empty country road

A guy is driving down a country road when a vulture swoops unexpectedly in front of him. It hits his windshield, cracking it and making a huge mess. The bird rolls onto the roof and bounces towards the rear of the car, ending up hitting a state trooper’s car that was behind the guy’s car. The troope...

The swindler was headed upstairs to visit his friend, the forger...

The swindler was headed upstairs to visit his friend, the forger. The bird he passed along the way was the forger's homing vulture, which was en route to the forger's publisher to make a delivery. Unfortunately, the poor bird had to fly down the stairwell to ground level and out the open terrace sin...

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A farmer goes to the market to buy a Rooster...

He walks around the tables and see many fine roosters, but all above his budget. He finally see a man with a single at his booth. The price tag on the cage says "25$". The farmer asks the man why the rooster is 25 when he looks fine. The man tells the farmer, "This here rooster is Henry and he ...

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A chicken farmer buys a new rooster. . .

And he's assured by his friend who sold it to him that he's the perfect breeder.
Feeling a little sceptical, the farmer still takes the rooster back to his farm. No sooner then putting the rooster is let out of his box then it runs into the barn and starts having with every hen it can find....

During a family roadtrip through Kansas a young man went to run an errand alone...

As he was driving he became very lost. He couldn't find his way back to his family back at the motel they we're staying at. He decided to call his father and ask for directions back. As he was talking to his father he spot large vultures in a circle eating something on the ground. He asked "Dad, wha...

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Once there was a joke contest on the jungle

And every animal was invited to participate, the only objective was to make the turtle, King of the jungle, laugh. Whoever did that takes the throne but if the king didn't laugh, they got executed.

So first came the lion to take his throne and told the most elaborate and funny joke he could t...

Deer Hunter

A hunter was stalking a deer on the ridge across from him when he noticed the deer was somewhat wobbly and seemed to be squinting. Looking carefully through his rifle scope, he soon realized that the big buck was standing in the middle of a patch of marijuana, happily chewing away. Taking careful ...

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Brewster the rooster, the horniest rooster there ever was (: language)

A lifelong farmer moved to a home much closer to town where he setup a small personal ranch to enjoy retirement with his wife. Among the various equipment and livestock that the new rancher needed, one staple item is a breeding rooster for his new henhouse. He heads to the farm auction the next week...

Use Your Lifeline...

A contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? had reached the final plateau. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) t...

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