UPJOKE
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kids today.

I was walking through the park, when these two kids started verbally abusing me. So I told them off.

Then the mother got involved with a real volley of the worst swear words I have ever heard. So I asked her, are the children twins? She said how the fuck can they be twins? One is 12 the other...

Just Been Watching The Ladies Beach Volley Ball And There Has Already Been A Bad Wrist Injury,

I Should Be Okay By The Morning Though.

A priest and a nun are having a tennis match...

The priest is very competitive, but can’t seem to bring his A-game to the nun who is clearly better. After a volley from the nun, the priest misses and yells: “Goddamn it! I missed!”, startling the nun. She let it slip by and the match continues.

But alas, after a fierce back-hand from the nu...

Comrade Stalin is giving a speech...

Inspired by the recent post by /u/JTRuno:

Comrade Stalin is giving a speech to a packed house when someone in the crowd - a factory worker named Boris - sneezes.

Stalin stops. He sets down his notes and asks "who sneezed?".

Silence. You could hear a pin drop.

"I ask again...

Pedro gets a New Secretary.

Pedro gets a New Secretary.
He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband’s roving eye.

Dora (Pedro's wife): “Does your new secretary have nice legs?"

Pedro: “Didn’t quite notice."

Dora: "What color are her eyes?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My history teacher told me a joke about WW2 today...

If you have unknown troops in front of you and you want to find out who they are, fire a few rounds in their direction.

If you are met with precision machine gun fire, they’re German.

If you are met by a volley of precision rifle fire, they are British.

If they surrender, they’r...

My Irish stepfather was a master story teller. He told the Wembley joke differently than what I've seen online.

Excuse me, is this Wembley?
No it's Thursday.
So am I let's have one.

He paid particular attention to the beat changes in this story. At the end of each line (the beat) he would change voices. Each line was a different voice/character. He told the story as if it was a fast paced con...

Two men were lost in the desert.

As they wandered, desperately looking for food and water they spot a tree and head towards it. As they get closer they can't believe their eyes, every branch of the tree has bacon slices hanging off it. One of them breaks into a run and grabs a slice, but before he can eat it, out of nowhere a volle...

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