An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."

A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.

Doctor: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "This is Gasoline!"

Engineer: "Congratulatio...

I have a few jokes about Unemployed Redditors...

But it doesn't matter, none of them work!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A louse enters the employment bureau and says, "I'm unemployed, what to do?"

The clerk looks at the computer and says, "I can offer you a job in Danny's mustache."

"Great", says the louse, and the next day she goes to work.

Two days later she comes back, "I can not work in Danny's mustache - He smokes a lot, and I have asthma."

"Well", says the clerk, ...

I am unemployed but my local News show said there's 2000 jobs in Jeopardy..

So I'm moving there on Monday..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An engineer, after being unemployed for a long time, decided to open his own hospital.

At the front, he put up a sign: “We can cure any disease with just $500! If we fail, we’ll give you back $1000.”

One doctor, thinking that this was an easy grab, visited the hospital right away.


Doctor: “I lost my taste.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please give 3 drops of medicine #22...

Did you hear about the woman who was robbed by an unemployed acupuncturist?

She was stabbed more than 167 times but she felt awesome the next day.

In the US, what's the difference between being unemployed and working at McDonald's?

Unemployed people got paid more in 2020.



Ps, please pay food workers extra for being stuck at work with no benefits this year.

What do you call unemployed Bob the builder?

Bob

An unemployed man saw an ad in the newspaper asking for a Disneyland cop. He immediately goes to apply for the job.

"If you want to work at Disneyland," says the job agent, "you must show your knowledge of Disney by answering these questions. Question number one: what kind of animal is Mickey?"

"A dog?" guesses the guy.

"I'm sorry," says the agent, "but the correct answer is, a mouse. Question numbe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A unemployed guy once thought to start the clinic

The clinic rules were:
1) The price of the treatment is 300$
2) If I am unable to treat you, I payback 1000$

A doctor, passing by through the clinic read the rules and thought it was a great opportunity to make money. He went in and said the guy: "I can't feel the taste".
...

So a pimpled man goes to the doctor...

He comes in, but refuses to sit down. The nurse asks if there is anything she could help him with.

He waves her away politely, and holds his suitcase in the air, bumps the top of it and an entire stool comes folding out. He places the stool on the ground and tries to small talk with the nurse...

A business owner posted an ad on classifieds looking for logo designers...

The ad said: "Looking for a talented youth that can design an attractive logo. As I am a small business owner, the work is unpaid. You will be working for exposure."

A recently graduated graphic designer reads this ad. As he was unemployed and struggling to find a job, he thought that he woul...

Some losses may be your gain

An unemployed man applies for a job as a toilet cleaner at a large computer company and takes an appointment for an interview with the company's manager.

During the interview, the manager told the unemployed person: You have been accepted for the job.

But we need your email to send you...

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More of us guys are unemployed as a result of the pandemic, but we're getting fucked over worse

I mean, damn, we're losing $1.00 for every .77 cents women lose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An unemployed piano player walks into a bar

He speaks to the owner who says, you're in luck, we're looking for a piano player right now! How about you play a couple of songs for me.

Happy to! I write all my own stuff!

The piano player sits down and plays the first tune.

Owner: that was fantastic! What do you call that one...

Unemployed hand model here...

Seeking hand jobs.

The number of unemployed musicians today...

Is disconcerting

Why was the arab guy unemployed?

He couldn't bring home the bacon!

Ok, I admit it. I’m an unemployed leather worker.

I’ve got nothing to hide.

I hate it when engineering students call themselves "Engineer"

you don't see med students calling themselves doctor, or art students calling themselves unemployed.

In 2019 if you were unemployed and stayed home all day playing video games, you were a lazy bum.

In 2020 this would make you a responsible adult.

Why unemployed squirrels go to mental hospital?

Because that's where all the nutjobs are.

What do you call an unemployed Rasta?

Jah bless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."

The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."



"Yes I do!"



"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"



"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

University: just the same as being unemployed.

But your parents are proud of you.

What’s the best part about being unemployed?

Monday’s.

Unemployed people

I have some jokes about the unemployed.

Actually it doesn't matter none of them work

An unemployed engineer opens a clinic...

He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.

My Father Told Me Never To Look Down On The Unemployed...

So that's why I grew a beer belly.

I have 50 jokes about the unemployed

the thing is none of them make any cents

credit to u/NoneNoneNone2020

My friend is an unemployed circus clown. We nicknamed him Pennywise.

His career is in the gutter.

Why can't you trick an unemployed jester?

Because he's nobody's fool!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the girls I date are unemployed, drunk, and are on drugs.

I’m starting to think this whole “opposites attract” thing is bullshit.

Finally found a new job after being unemployed for a long time. I work at a clock tower, using a long straw to remove water that accumulates behind the glass so the giant clock face doesn't rust.

The pay is good, but the work sucks big time.

What do you call an unemployed bodybuilder?

Big guns for hire. :-D

Oki oki I’ll see myself out.

My parents keep complaining that I'm unemployed. I don't know why all the stress, I already made my resume.

Companies are welcome to come and take it. I'm home 24/7.

What's the difference between the American Red Cross and your unemployed sibling?

When they American Red Cross bleeds you dry, you actually gain money.

A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works.

She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road.
The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of two miles per day to remain employed.
The blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away.
The supervisor checking up at the...

I used to be an unemployed father, but now everything is different.

I'm unemployed.

What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?

Unemployed

Why couldn't the unemployed teacher see?

She had no pupils.

Unemployed people rose by 2% from last year.

I guess they're getting taller.

I've been unemployed for the last few months and people ask me?

"So what do you do all day now that you're not working?"

I tell them,

"Same thing I did when I was working, browse reddit all day!"

Common synonyms of unemployed.

Writer, blogger, and activist.

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