Unemployed Jokes - 40 Hilarious Unemployed Jokes

The Unemployed Engineer

An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail." A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: "I have lost my...

I have like 50 jokes about the unemployed

Trouble is, none of them work.

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A louse enters the employment bureau and says, "I'm unemployed, what to do?"

The clerk looks at the computer and says, "I can offer you a job in Danny's mustache."

"Great", says the louse, and the next day she goes to work.

Two days later she comes back, "I can not work in Danny's mustache - He smokes a lot, and I have asthma."

"Well", says the clerk, ...

My wife and I are both unemployed. My mum died in a car crash. We have three children and we're all staying in my grandma's place, and my grandma died this week. My dad has to work at 73. I'll do any job to take care of my family. Please share.

Sincerely,

William, Prince of Wales

Unemployed people

I have some jokes about the unemployed.

Actually it doesn't matter none of them work

What do you call a person that is happy on a Monday?

Unemployed

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers...

Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

I’m unemployed and asked my friend for advice.

He told me: “Get a job at NASA, they always have space.”

An unemployed engineer opens a clinic...

He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.

Why can't you trick an unemployed jester?

Because he's nobody's fool!

Being unemployed is horrible.

I never thought I'd lose my job as a psychic.

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Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."

The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."

"Yes I do!"

"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"

"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, an...

Common synonyms of unemployed.

Writer, blogger, and activist.

I don't understand unemployed people

They make no cents.

I am unemployed but my local News show said there's 2000 jobs in Jeopardy..

So I'm moving there on Monday..

University: just the same as being unemployed.

But your parents are proud of you.

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An unemployed piano player walks into a bar

He speaks to the owner who says, you're in luck, we're looking for a piano player right now! How about you play a couple of songs for me.

Happy to! I write all my own stuff!

The piano player sits down and plays the first tune.

Owner: that was fantastic! What do you call that one...

In the US, what's the difference between being unemployed and working at McDonald's?

Unemployed people got paid more in 2020.

Ps, please pay food workers extra for being stuck at work with no benefits this year.

The number of unemployed musicians today...

Is disconcerting

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A unemployed guy once thought to start the clinic

The clinic rules were:
1) The price of the treatment is 300$
2) If I am unable to treat you, I payback 1000$

A doctor, passing by through the clinic read the rules and thought it was a great opportunity to make money. He went in and said the guy: "I can't feel the taste".
...

what do you call an unemployed Rasta?

Jah Bless

Ok, I admit it. I’m an unemployed leather worker.

I’ve got nothing to hide.

Why was the arab guy unemployed?

He couldn't bring home the bacon!

What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other unemployed cancer cell?

Let's get Jobs.

Found in the comments of a /r/til post by /u/laurelwraith

What do you call an unemployed bodybuilder?

Big guns for hire. :-D

Oki oki I’ll see myself out.

I have 50 jokes about the unemployed

the thing is none of them make any cents

credit to u/NoneNoneNone2020

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A talented but unemployed jazz pianist.

A talented but unemployed jazz pianist/composer was walking down Second Avenue in New York contemplating his sad life when he sees a sign in a restaurant window that says "Jazz pianist wanted, full time position." Elated at his good fortune he goes inside to apply for the job.

He meets the ma...

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All the girls I date are unemployed, drunk, and are on drugs.

I’m starting to think this whole “opposites attract” thing is bullshit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, little Johnny has a report due for government class...

He asks his dad to explain government. His dad thinks for a minute, and explains it like this:

I am Congress, your mom is the judicial system, your sister is the unemployed, you are the group too young to vote, and the maid is the working class.

So that night, little Johnny is trying ...

Woman asks her friend "How are your kids getting on now?"

"Fine!" Comes the reply. "My oldest boy grew up to be a doctor, the second grew up to be a teacher, and my daughter grew up to be a lawyer!"

"What about your youngest boy? How's he doing?”

"Ah. He grew up to be a thief. He lives at home with us still."

"So you let your three de...

Why couldn't the unemployed teacher see?

She had no pupils.

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Unemployed musician walks into a bar...

...and asks if they need a house musician to entertain the patrons. The manager told him to go ahead and show what he's got at the piano onstage.
So the man proceeds to play one of the most wonderful original songs the folks there had ever heard. It took everyone by surprise and he got a hear...

Unemployed people rose by 2% from last year.

I guess they're getting taller.

My Father Told Me Never To Look Down On The Unemployed...

So that's why I grew a beer belly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An engineer, after being unemployed for a long time, decided to open his own hospital.

At the front, he put up a sign: “We can cure any disease with just $500! If we fail, we’ll give you back $1000.”

One doctor, thinking that this was an easy grab, visited the hospital right away.

Doctor: “I lost my taste.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please give 3 drops of medicine #22...

An unemployed guy sees an ad in the paper that says "Photographer wanted for Miami-based luxury bikini line". Thinking it to be a joke, the guy calls the number in the ad.

"Hello," he says. "Is that photographer ad a joke?"

"No," says the voice on the other line. "One of our photographers died suddenly last week, and we're looking for a new one."

"Cool! I've been looking for a new job for a while, and this seems like it could be a very fine job for me."<...

I used to be an unemployed father, but now everything is different.

I'm unemployed.

What do you call an unemployed classical musician?

Baroque

My friend is an unemployed circus clown. We nicknamed him Pennywise.

His career is in the gutter.

Once, when I was unemployed

and had no spare money, I couldn't find any women who would sleep with me.

So I got a job, saved some money up and now I get to sleep with plenty of women.

Best thing I ever bought was that gun.

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