UPJOKE
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Unattended Jokes

My boss calls me "The computer"

Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.

Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended.

It could spell disaster.

My boss calls me "the computer"

Nothing to do with intelligence,
I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes

EDIT thank you all so much this is my first ever post to hit 1k upvotes and get awards
2nd edit wow 3k this post has blown out my previous record of 789 out of the water thank you so much

What did the hacker do when he saw the store computer unattended?

He went straight for the Cache Register

St. Peter is standing at Heaven's Gates

when an angel comes to him with a message that he needs to attend to. Not wanting to leave the Gates unattended, he looks around for help. Just at that moment, he sees Jesus coming around the corner so he calls him over.

"Hey Jesus, can you help me out? I need to take care of something. Could...

The confession

A Priest in a small town was called away for an emergency on a Sunday afternoon while he was about to hear confessions.

Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, and having no one else to assist him he called his Rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for h...

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Moral of the Story

There was a fly buzzing over a lake. In this lake was a fish.

This fish was thinking to himself, "Man, if that fly would come down 6 inches, I could jump up and eat that fly."

Behind a bush near the lake sat a bear.

The bear looked at the fish, then at the fly, then back at th...

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For milder grievances with co-workers, try this:

When your colleague leaves their computer unattended, jump on & create a new desktop folder. Call it say **"MyBestialityPorno"**. Take a screenshot of the desktop. Delete the folder. Set screenshot as the computer *wallpaper*.

When your vic gets back & notices, they'll try furiously t...

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I hate all this terrorist business

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the tube and think, 'I'll fucking have that!'

If you're feeling down today....

Just know that earlier I took a two hour course online about why you should NEVER leave your Common Access Card unattended,


And then accidentally left it in the computer after I was done.

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St. Peter, looking for operational efficiencies, visits hell for a tour.

Satan takes him to an area with three massive cauldrons.

At the first, heavily guarded cauldron, St Peter asks, “Why so many guards”? Satan says, “This is where we boil the Germans. They are very good at helping each other to escape, so it needs a lot of attention.”

At the next, spars...

A man was eating alone in a restaurant listening to music

As he was eating his dinner, he needed to pass gas. He didn't want to leave his table unattended and came up with a plan. He decided to let it out to the beat of the music so that no one would hear it. When he was done he looked up to see if anyone noticed. They were all staring at him. He forgot he...

Ey gurl, are you a TSA agent?

Because I've got an unattended package I think you should investigate.

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The Shah and the Guard

Once upon a time, far away in the ancient land of Persia, the ruler of the country was called the Shah and his wife was known as the Shahnee.

And it came to pass, in the fullness of time, that the Shahnee gave birth to a son, and this son, being the heir to the Peacock Throne was given the ti...

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Once upon a time, there was a teeny-tiny spider...

...and as the spider wanted to repent for its carnivorous days by becoming a vegetarian, it decided to live the rest of its days in a quiet, peaceful place to live off the land and to avoid the temptation of telling everyone about its transformation (he's trying to be better really hard, you know?)....

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