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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
...

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...

Two inebriated men walk in to an upmarket restaurant and go straight to the only unoccupied table, yelling for service.

The head waiter hurries over asking “Do you have reservations?”

One of the men replies “Sure, but when you’re as hungry as we are, you throw caution to the wind.”

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There was a gentleman waiting to use the restroom...

...in a classy establishment, but the occupant was taking his time.



A lady noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir", she said, "the ladies restroom is unoccupied. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the...

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After taking a long needed break, Goldilocks decided it was time for some more breaking and entering.

She found an unlocked, unoccupied house and let herself in.

She first found an iPhone 4. "This phone is too small," she said. Then she found an iPhone 6 plus, but that phone was too big. Then she found an iPhone 6, and Goldilocks said, "doesn't anyone here own a fucking Android?"

T...

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Little Timmy woke up one morning desperate to pee.

He bounded out of bed and hurtled across the landing to the main bathroom. Eager not to cause an upset, he carefully prised open the bathroom door.
In the bathroom, Timmy's sister, Lucy, was shaving her legs. Unfortunately, she caught a spot on her razor, causing a stab of pain. Blood started to ...

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So a man is at a fancy restaurant, and he needs to use the bathroom...

...so he pulls the waiter aside and asks to use the bathroom.

"I am sorry, sir," the waiter replied, "but the Men's bathroom is currently unavailable due to plumbing issues. We're working to fix these now."

The man's face turned to one of desperation. "What about the ladies' restroom?"...

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