Despite what people think, it's not all doom and gloom being a morgue attendant.

This morning I had a right little Chuckle.

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Trucker is hauling a B-double with three containers full of computer parts.

It's getting on toward dark, and so he stops at a steakhouse for a bite.


The first thing he sees is a sign on the door:


NO THONGS


NO SINGLETS


NO NERDS


MANAGEMENT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE ADMISSION


No nerds? Weird. But whatever...

USPS has a new motto

“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” -USPS unofficial motto, 1914-2020

“Better late than never.” -USPS unofficial motto, 2020-?

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Making yachts during the coronavirus lockdown

I have a friend named Pete who makes yachts for a living. Pete was quite worried about the virus as he thought not many people would be in the market for one of his nice boats. His yachts are big, sturdy, and beautiful, but primarily they're designed for big groups of people. Who's going to want to ...

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DOOM

The police officer approaches me slowly, his hand on his pistol. “Sir, can you please come down from that tree?”

“Not a chance!”

He surveys the destruction all around us. “What happened here?”

I stare at the smoking remains of my house and mutter, “Doom.”

The Police offic...

This guy’s walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night...

There isn’t another soul on the street.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.

He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.

Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.

He...

Two vampire bats were hanging arround

Suddenlly the first one states: "I'm hungry, I'm going to grab a bite to eat" and he flies off.

Half an hour later he returns with a huge smile on his face and blood on his chin.

The other bat asks: "Did you get your fill?"

"Oh boy did i ever. Do you see that red roofed barn way...

Credit to /u/Poem_for_your_sprog

He sat and sighed beside the road -

His engine's gasket blown.

His car was old and cold and towed.

The man was left alone.

-

'I need to find a place to stay

Until it's fixed,' he spoke -

But as he rose to walk away

Arrived a band of folk.
...

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The Watchmaker

The Boy was due to meet his friends down the third alley from the green sign. The bar at the end of that alley, they had said, was a place where spirits and souls mixed together with the languid flow of warm summer air.

But The Boy had started drinking when the sun was still ascending, and n...

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Two Native Americans stand in front of a tipi

...gazing into the sun, a son with a father. The son, quietly and carefully, asks "father, just how did you come up with my name?"

"Well, my son, I look at the nature, what happens around me. See the sun on the glooming horizon? She is the reason your sister is called Setting-Sun."

"Ye...

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The Haunted Car

The hour is late, the streetlights have gone out, and it isn't the safest part of town on the best of nights. Jim the hitchhiker wants nothing more than to get out of there as soon as possible.

Suddenly, a pair of headlights appears through the misty gloom, and begin approaching him, silently...

A man walks into a bar and starts talking to three ducks...

He says to the first duck, "Hey, little guy! How's your day been?
The response comes "Hi! I'm Hughie and I'm great! I've been in and out of puddles all day!"

The man talks to the second duck. "And how are you doing?"
"Hi! I'm Dewey and I'm doing fantastic! I've been in and out of puddle...

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