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Trees Jokes

Joke from my 12 year old “why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?”

Because they’re so good at it!

Please don’t ban me
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When the moon hits your knees, and you mispronounce trees

Sycamore
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What do I know about bonsai trees?

Very little. (Edit: wow! Silver, gold, and platinum! Thanks, anonymous Redditor(s). And six (6!) upvotes!)
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A lumberjack once told me he’s cut down 27,572 trees.

“How do ya know exactly how many?” I inquired.

“Easy. I keep a log.”
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How do trees access the internet?

They log in.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to trees?

A leaf blower.

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Two asexuals are sitting in a tree

S-I-T-T-I-N-G

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Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?

Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

Why do elephants paint their balls red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.

What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries

Tree joke

I had a tree I wanted removed ,because it was to close to the house. I called a tree guy and he came out and did a nice job cutting down the tree. He ask me what I thought and I said it was nice but what about the stump ?..He informed me that he was just a tree guy who cut down trees, If I wanted th...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What if trees had breasts?

It wood be nice, wooden tit.

Why don’t introverted trees want to be chopped down?

They don’t want to dialog
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Tree joke

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree
begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son
of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a
woodpecker lands on the sapling.

Th...
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I was stranded on an island with nothing but dark red grass, dark red sand, dark red trees everything was darkred.

"AHHH!" i yelled "I've been marooned!"
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what's the difference between my wife and a tree?

Trees don't turn me on.
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Do trees poop?

Where do you think #2 pencils come from?

Friends are like trees

They fall down if you hit them enough times with an axe.
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Why you shouldn't trust trees?

They seem shady
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How do you feel about live Christmas trees?

Personally, I think they're more festive than dead ones.
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Why are the prettiest Christmas trees kinky?

They're into light bondage
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Ya‘ll know why I‘m not scared of trees?

They‘re all bark, no bite.
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Tommy begged his father to get them a Christmas tree

Father said no. No Christmas tree

"But daddy all my friends have Christmas trees in their house"

Father was adamant, NO Christmas tree.

Tommy pestered his father every year. Still no Christmas tree.

Finally when tommy was 10 he really begged , "Please I want a Christmas t...
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why are trees good friends?

they stick around
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Son: Daddy, do trees poop?

Father: Of course, That's how we get number 2 pencils.

Why do birch trees dislike dogwood trees so much?

They really hate their bark
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The trees and the shrubs are at war.

The shrubs assemble a meeting to see how to breach the tree's defenses. The head shrub asks his subordinates to state who they are and what their plan is for attacking the trees.
One of the shrubs responds; "I am bush"
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What do Christmas trees and priests have in common?

Balls are there just for decoration...

Leo treats women like Christmas Trees…

no use for em after the 25th
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What do oak trees and absentee fathers have in common?

Nuts and leaves.
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Why do trees make bad detectives?

They always get stumped!
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I need to get a job in trees...

Maybe I could make Branch Manager???
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How do trees reproduce?

They fernicate
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TeamTrees reached their goal of 20,000,000 trees planted on the same day Trump got impeached.

Now millions of people can breathe easier.
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The Italian math challenge

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Withouta numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees.

'...

Christmas trees are bad at sewing

They always drop their needles.
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Onions and Christmas Trees

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s , they are like pears, still nice but han...

Trees are like dogs

Some shed and some don't. Others just bark
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There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want ...
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There are two trees in the forest, a beech and a birch and one day, they notice a small tree has sprouted up in between them. The birch says, "Man, that really looks like a son of a beech!" The beech retorts, "No way! That's gotta be a son of a birch!"

So, they start arguing back and forth. "Son of a beech!" "Son of a birch!"

Eventually, a woodpecker flies by and hears the two trees fighting and he asks the two trees what's wrong and what are they are fighting about.

The trees explain to the woodpecker that they can't tell if the sma...
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Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees,

then names the streets after them.
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Why do pine trees always get coal for Christmas?

Because they are so knotty. That is seasonally late dad joke.
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Why do you have to be careful when trees start dropping feathers instead of leaves?

It could be your down-fall
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Joe's Talking Trees

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Onions and Christmas Trees

A couple with a son and a daughter was having a meal together.

At a certain point, the son decides to ask the father:

“Dad, how many types of boobs are there?”

“Three.”

“How so?”

“When you’re 20, they’re like melons: gorgeous and round. When you’re 40, they’re like...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's similar between boobs and Christmas trees?

When you see really nice ones, you can't tell if they're real or fake.

Where to young trees go to school?

Elementree school!
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Once, in the forest, a sapling grew between two trees...

One tree was a birch tree, and proudly said, "That sapling is a son of a birch!"

The other tree was a beech tree, and proudly said, "No, that sapling is a son of a beech!"

The two trees argued day in and day out, but couldn't settle the matter. Finally, they decided to ask the true exp...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fierce jungle tribe always built their houses in the trees

The wood made the floors and the supports, but the houses themselves were made out of thatched grass. The tribe honored those who built the best grass houses.

One day the tribe went to war with a nearby tribe. The warriors fought well and they sacked the tribe's village, taking the rival tr...

Two trees in the forest one day noticed a seedling that was growing between them.

But the trees were so tall, they couldn’t tell what kind tree it was.

One day a kindly beaver came by, and the two trees asked the beaver if he could tell them what kind of tree was growing between them.

The beaver started nibbling at the seedling and said, “That’s no son of a beech.” ...
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Whats red and climbs trees?

Paul Walkers Porsche
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