The Apostle Jokes - 18 Hilarious The Apostle Jokes

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so, the apostles hired the most beautiful escort in all the village…

Jesus had just come home after spending a long day out in the village miraculously healing the diseased and injured. the apostles decided that since he had been working so hard to help the village people, they would show their appreciate my hiring Jesus an escort. they went to the village and hired ...

What do Paul the Apostle and Jack the Ripper have in common?

They have the same middle name.

I told my wife I’m going to start calling her Peter the Apostle.

After she denied me three times.

So, Jesus and the Apostles walk into a Bar...

Jesus motions to the bartender, says "13 waters, please," and winks at the apostles.

Jesus walks into a bar...

Jesus and the apostles walk into a bar.

He takes a stool by the bar and orders, "13 glasses of water please" while winking at his group.

How did the apostles prepare for the Last Supper?

Peter set the table. Paul cooked the food. Jesus swept.

So, Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper...

So Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper when the apostles notice he has closed his eyes, and is rubbing the bridge of his nose. Exasperated, he asks: "Why... WHY would anyone order wine?"

How do we know the Apostles drove a Honda?

“When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one accord.”

What do the Apostle Paul, Bon Jovi and Manfred Mann's Earth Band all have in common?

They were all "blinded by the light"

The apostles are at the last supper...

Jesus is eating like a slob and spilling wine everywhere and Judas says to him "Were you born in a barn?"

Jesus decides to give the apostles a bunch of gifts...

Jesus: Each one of you grab a piece of rock.

*everyone each grabbed the biggest rock they can find and rolled it back to Jesus, except for Judas who was so lazy that he just picked up a pebble.

Jesus: I shall now turn those into gold for you to keep. Now go get another piece of rock....

At the last supper, Jesus stands up and tells the apostles "One of you is going to betray me."

Peter stands up with a worried look on his face, "Is it me, oh lord?"

Jesus says, "No, Peter. It's not you."

John stands next. "Is it me, oh lord?"

Jesus replies, "No John, it's not you."

Then Judas stands up. "Is it me, oh lord?" He asks.

Jesus says, "iS iT mE, oH...

Jesus called out to the apostle Paul......

Paul approached the cross "My Lord, what can I do," The Roman guards shoved Paul back into the crowd, again Jesus called out to Paul and as he approached again the guards once again shoved him back this time warning, "approach again and you will go up next to him." Paul approached for the 3rd time a...

Which motor vehicle was prominently featured in the Bible?

Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

What do you call a Sith Missionary? [OC by my 7yr old son]

The Apostle Maul.

Jesus sees that planet earth is going to Hell in a hand basket because too many people are using something called drugs...

He wishes to know about this, so he calls His Apostles and tells them that they all have to go down to Earth to see for themselves what is going on and then come back to Heaven and report back to Him.

The Apostles go to different places on Earth and after some time, they come back to report w...

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A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff...

...they all die and go to Heaven. As they were approaching the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter comes out to greet them:
"My dear sisters, welcome to Heaven”, said the apostle. The nuns were thrilled to meet him, but he proceeded without delay: “Please form a line while I go back inside to get somethin...

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Heaven meeting year 2015

Every year in heaven jesus and the apostles gather up for a meeting to discuss about earth's problems.
The theme of the year is.. Drugs, they discuss about it for a while with no succes
and then it comes clear: they don't know the subject enought to fix it...

So Jesus tell his apostle t...

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