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Filipino Jokes

A filipino joke i found and translated it.

John: Dad, there's a girl i like. She's beautiful. I want to go out with her.

Dad: Who?

John: The girl across our street, Nina.

Dad: Oh no, you can't. Don't tell Mom but she's your sister.



John was furious, but a week has passed and he fell in love again.

...

I just want to share a Filipino joke

A teacher asked a Filipino student to use the words defense, defeat, and detail in a sentence.

The student answered, "Da dog jamped ober da pens: pers da peet and den da tail."

A teacher asked a Filipino student to use the words green, pink, and yellow in a sentence.

The student...

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A Japanese, a Russian, a Filipino, and an American went to test the magic swimming pool that turns the waters into any substance of your choice if you shout it out loud enough before jumping in.

The Japanese threw his wooden sandals aside and ran towards the pool shouting "Sakeeee!!" He landed happily in 5 feet of Japanese rice wine. The Russian threw his AK-47 aside and ran to the pool screaming "Vodkaaaa!" as he lept in the air. He happily swam and drank the purest Russian Vodka after. Th...

The Olympics of who has more children.

A battle between an American, a Brit, and a Filipino.

It's a competition of who has the most number of children the story of how the Filipino beat the American and a Brit.


It's the Olympics and a lot of audience gathered in a dome, a massive 80,000-seater oval dome. All seats are...

Filipino Word of the Day: Chicken Nut Bread

Juan: My girlpren hab asthma so sometimes chicken nut bread..

Two ghosts were sharing stories of their deaths.

Juan asked first, "What killed you?"

"I was locked inside a fridge," Pedro said, "I was cold and trembling, then suffocated after an hour."

"That sucks man," replied Juan. "I got a heart attack and passed away."

"What happened?", asked Pedro.

"As I got...

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A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink.

When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, “Whoever can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a creative sentence can have me for tonight.” So the Chinese guy says “I love liver and cheese.” She says “That’s not good enough” The Japanese man says “I hate liver and cheese” She says “That’s not ...

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Three men went on a swimming competition. An American, a Japanese and a Filipino.

The rule was simple, swim through the lake full of alligators, reach the other side alive and win unlimited cash.

Confident, Phelps went first. But in the middle of his dive, a gator appeared in front of him and swallowed him whole.

The crowd was shocked, yet they all booed.

Eag...

Let's try a joke I learned in the Philippines

A Filipino woman and her husband, an American, wake up the morning after their wedding and decide to take a shower together. In the middle of their fun, the water cuts out (as sometimes happens in the Philippines). The wife cries out, "Ay! Walang tubig!" ("Oh no! No water!" in Tagalog).

The h...

A joke from my Filipino uncle...

It is common in the Philippines for families to live in one-bedroom homes.

One night a couple wanted to make love, and so they had their child look the window. As the couple made love, the child continued to look out the window without turning around.

When the couple was done, the fath...

What do you call two Filipino pilots?

A pair of pliers

What do you call a Filipino contortionist?

A manila folder!!!

A Pinoy dies and goes to hell...

A Pinoy (Filipino) dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the...

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The World's Best Ethnic Joke.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, am Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Columbian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a L...

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

What sound does a Filipino horse make when it gallops?

Tagalog-tagalog-tagalog-tagalog.

Whaddya call a black filipino?

A Pino-Noir

A joke my Filipino friend told me

Tom and I had to get to the other side of town so we hopped on the bus and when he received his change from the driver he says "thank you kindly, Sir"




I asked him "why so formal?"






"Well my momma always taught me to refer to the bus driver as Sir otherwi...

How would you know if someone else is a Filipino?

They would tell you.





Source: I am Filipino

I'm half filipino and half greek so what am I?

I'm a freek

If someone from Holland married a Filipino what would their kid be?

A Hollapiño

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An annual weaponry competition is being held.

There is one representative each from every country. Each representative wields the main weapon of sorts from their culture. A fly is released within the range if the representative and they must cut it. The nore precise or beautiful the cut, the more points.

The next competitor goes up, repr...

I told my mate i was on my way to a Filipino lesson

He said "Hey i've been wanting to learn a new language, can i tagalog?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Filipino, a Korean, a Laotian, a Chinese, a Japanese and a Vietnamese go to a fancy restaurant. "Sorry" says the Maitre d' ...

"You can't be seated without a Thai."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Latvian..

an Irishman, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Kiwi, a Canuck, an Eskimo, a Fijian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Spaniard, a Mongolian, a Tibetan, a Polack, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Indian, an Italian, a Brazilian, a Kenyan, a South African, a Filipino...

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An American, a Japanese, and a Filipino are relaxing along the upper board of a cruise ship.

All of a sudden, the American throws his iPhone to the ocean.

The Japanese, suprised, asked the American, "Why throw iPhone?"

The American replied, "Don't worry man, there are lots of iPhone in the states."

The Filipino mumbled, "Wow, what a waste."

The Japanese went to h...

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a Romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

My Asian eye doctor

Since I am half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things, the eye charts, peering into my e...

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Two idiots were boasting to each other.

"Back in my home town, we were so poor that we ate the lizards crawling on our walls." Says Manny.

"Oh yeah? In my home town we ate literal shit just to survive." Jinkee said.

Manny then proceeds to take a shit on his hand. "Alright then. Eat this."

Jinkee says, "Why? We're no...

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My Filipino Friend

My Filipino friend Jhun, had a lot of weird stories this week.

He said his neighbour keeps leaving their small female child on his lawn..
He is somehow paying for his Health Care providers wedding?
And His oldest child told him his penis isnt working anymore.

Nevermind.. Appar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thank you for flying Philippine Airlines.

(Disclaimer, original joke was in Filipino, imma roughly translate it for y'all)

So John and Peter were riding a flight on Philippine Airlines, everything was going smoothly, and then something went wrong with the engine!

Sirens were blaring in the cockpit, and the pilot issued a PSA t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Asian woman on a plane sees her Asian seat-mate reading a book on Asian Stereotypes.

A little offended, yet equally curious, she asks her seat-mate "What does the book say?"

Her seat mate says: "According to this book, Filipino women are beautiful, Japanese women are smart, and Vietnamese women are faithful".

Taken aback by the slightly chauvinistic and stereotypical n...

Use the words chicken, nut, and bread in one sentence.

When my sister got pregnant, my Filipino mother told my dad to stop choking her because chicken nut bread.

Philippine Condoms

President Trump called President Duterte of the Philippines with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a national disaster!"

"Donald, the Filipino people would be happy to do anything within ...

Two Filipino kids go trick or treating on Halloween...

...At the first house they go up to, a lady answers the door.

She says, "oh how cute are you two? Let me guess what you are..."

To the first kid she says, "With your tiara and wand, you must be a princess?"

the first kid says, "Yes! I am a princess!"

The lady says to the ...

Trump wants to repaint White House, he asks for quotations:

Trump wants to repaint White House, he asks for quotations:

Mexican quoted $3M
American quoted $7M
Filipino quoted $10M

Trump asked the Mexican: How did you quoted 3M?
He replied: 1M for paint, 1M for labor & 1M profit.

Trump asked the American.
He replied: 3M fo...

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